Hey Melbourne Cup, Don’t be Offended if I Don’t Drink

Written by Jazz Rowland

“Hey, I booked us 4 tickets to Randwick Races for Melbourne Cup! I shotgun being the scantily clad female with vomit in my hair.” This was the text message I sent to a friend a week ago.

In reality this is far from the truth. Up until recently I could drink like most others. This didn’t mean my goal in life was to drink the next man or his dog under the table but I could actually consume alcohol.

This is no longer the case. Due to a biological change or a sub-conscious shift in my desire to drink I can no longer consume alcohol. There’s a cheap date then there’s me – a ‘Made in China’, I’ll lose all ability to function properly within the first hour, date.

I realised this when I met with a colleague’s friend; lets call him ‘James’, to discuss work. I’ve been of the mindset lately that alcohol for me on most days is counter productive. I’m a regular at the gym, the gym staff have been known to see me three times a day, six days a week. On top of that, a standard working day is atleast 10 hours, minimum of six days per week. Crazy? No, just ridiculously high functioning. I can sleep while I’m dead, right? I figure, my output is high and I like it that way, so why hinder it with a hangover.

During this meeting I decided to have a glass of wine to accompany James’ beer. I really enjoyed the wine, maybe a little too much, as within 20 minutes I was drunk. Not just tiddley. I was blurry eyed, slurred speech, drunk. The following 40 minutes of our meeting I actively tried to compose myself. (The irony lies in my job. I am the Marketing Manager for Hello Sunday Morning). Whether I was successful in that is another story. I then stumbled home to crawl into bed as the ceiling spun above my head. The real kicker to my unintentional drunken excursion? I lay in the fetal position, with heinous Stomach cramps whilst feeling very sorry for myself. It’s fair to say alcohol has lost it’s charm.

It no longer offers me what I thought it did in the past. Sometimes it was a brief respite from the daily grind or it added to my personality and made me louder and funnier. Well I thought so anyway. I make excuses with alcohol. I procrastinate. Essentially, alcohol stops me from smashing goals and getting shit done!

Today is Melbourne Cup and I’m making a conscious decision to not drink. Yes, I will probably act up. I may even make a fool of myself. I’ll probably challenge a few strangers to a good ol’ fashioned arm wrestle but I won’t be ‘that’ girl with shoes in one hand, a glass in the other and vomit in my hair.

Don’t be offended. This is my choice as it is yours to drink.

Just remember, It’s a horse race not a drinking race.