Making the decision to change our relationship with alcohol is a significant step. It can take some time and there may be some slips and bumps along the way before we decide to make changes. For a long time, many of us sit on the fence, feeling the negative effects of our drinking behaviours but also overwhelmed and fearful of the prospect of change. This article explores the stages of change and the challenges associated with changing one’s relationship with alcohol, along with some questions for personal reflection and tips as you change your relationship with alcohol.

It’s normal to experience fear and doubt when considering making a change. But with preparation and support, it’s possible to take the necessary steps towards achieving long-term goals.

The Stages of Change

Change can be difficult, especially when it’s associated with a pattern of behaviours that have endured over time. In the short-term, certain behaviours seemed to be an effective way to cope in difficult situations. However, these same coping behaviours may now be ineffective as they keep you away from achieving some of your longer-term valued goals.

The change mechanism is complex and doesn’t always go according to best intentions. You might put a lot of time, energy and focus into taking two steps forward and then you might find an obstacle that takes you one step back. Change requires awareness, commitment, the right support and a lot of self-compassion.

It can be helpful to understand what might happen in the different stages of change so that you can recognise and plan the steps you need to take in each change process to guide you toward achieving your long-term goals.

Below is one version of the stages of change model as proposed by Prochaska, Norcross & DiClemente, (2010). There are six main stages in this model: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance and termination or relapse. Although change does not always occur linearly, some processes tend to occur at specific stages of change.

The Six Stages of Change

1. Pre-contemplation

Someone in this stage might be aware that there is a problem along with a few negative consequences to drinking. They might feel hopeless and not believe they can make the required changes. At this stage, the person has no intention of changing their relationship with alcohol and they’re unlikely to take action soon.

2. Contemplation

The person knows there is a problem and starts considering a different way of living. They are aware of the pros and cons of drinking but feel ambivalent about change. In this stage the person has not yet decided to commit to change.

3. Preparation

This stage begins with the intention to make changes. Initial steps are taken and the person begins to explore options to help them plan those steps towards achieving the desired change.

4. Action

This stage involves the first active steps toward change. The person makes a commitment, enlists assistance from a support network and actions their own recovery journey plan. The person tries new behaviours, but these are not yet stable.

5. Maintenance

The person establishes new behaviours on a long-term basis and remains committed. They establish the gains of their changed behaviour.

6. Termination or Relapse

The person maintains the ultimate priority goal or sometimes may turn back to old ineffective coping behaviours. Hope for sustained change can still be reclaimed.

The fear of how to cope without alcohol can often kick in, or doubt arises about whether it is even possible to reduce drinking after drinking so much for so long. But there is still this feeling that drinking isn’t serving us anymore. Author, Annie Grace (This Naked Mind) calls this ‘the mental division’. Once this division tips over into wanting to make a change (more so than staying the same), we are ready to take some action steps.

But what steps? And how? It can be difficult to know where to start.

Two things that can be helpful at this point are:

Preparation
Support

Preparation

A large part of preparation is taming the inner voice. The voice that spreads fear about how impossible or hard change will be. This inner voice can get really specific, with self-sabotaging thoughts like “I will lose all my friends”, or “I won’t be fun anymore” or “I’ve been like this for so long”. The good news is, there are many ways to start taming this inner voice. Counsellors call this, reinforcing your reasons for change. People can reinforce their reasons for change by writing a list of things that have led them to their decision to make some changes. Things like experiences, events, relationships and relationship conflict, and hopes and desires.

Another helpful exercise is to write a list of the benefits of making changes. Being aware of how things can change can take time to develop in your mind. This is where things like time and support can be helpful.

Support

When we are on the brink of big changes, support can be helpful. The simple act of talking to someone about ‘the mental division’ that occurs can reveal the way forward. Supports like checking in with a General Practitioner, talking to a counsellor, or using a peer support service like Daybreak are a great way to prepare to make some changes.

If you would like to know more about how to prepare for changing your relationship with alcohol, check out this article, from Counselling Online.

https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/making-a-change/preparing-to-make-a-change

Questions for reflection

Where do you see yourself in the change process?

How will you get to the next stage of change?

What changes are you willing to make to support you on your recovery journey?

What potential obstacles may get in the way of your journey towards change?

What support have you enlisted to assist you to stay on your recovery journey?

Some tips for navigating the stages of change:

Write down the change you want to make. For example, you might want to cut back on your drinking or quit alcohol completely.
Be specific about how you will implement the change. For example, if you are cutting back on drinking, write down what your daily or weekly limit will be and keep a track of your progress.
Minimise all the potential triggers. For example, remove alcohol out of easy reach, plan activities that doesn’t involve alcohol and hang out with people who don’t encourage drinking.
Enlist your support network. For example, share your intentions with trusted friends and loved ones. Ask them to encourage you to stay on track along the way. Work with a good therapist to build some strategies to help you manage cravings.
Be you biggest champion. Remind yourself everyday how proud you are for giving this a go!

Let’s face it. Parenting is a tough job, and it’s not uncommon to feel the need to unwind after a long day or week. According to a groundbreaking study conducted by La Trobe University researchers last year, young children’s exposure to their parents’ alcohol consumption plays a vital role in shaping their beliefs and attitudes towards alcohol.

The researchers state that while most individuals start drinking in their teenage years, they discovered that perception of adult drinking behaviour is formed when children are at a young age through observational learning. This learning is affected by the physical and social environments where the children live. They also noted that studying the impact of children’s early exposure to alcohol is crucial because it can influence their perceptions of drinking norms, which in turn may forecast heavy and problematic drinking behaviours for some of them as older teenagers.

Strategies for Positive Role Modeling as a Parent

Fortunately, there are things you can do to be a positive role model for your children when it comes to alcohol.

Many parents in the Hello Sunday Morning community have shared their concerns about their drinking habits impacting their ability to be present for their children’s milestones and special moments. Some have focused on resetting their drinking habits to counter the weekend hangovers that make family care more challenging.

Here are some tips to consider:

Be aware of your own drinking behaviour and the example you are setting. Consider reducing your alcohol intake or abstaining from alcohol altogether if you feel like your behaviour may be sending the wrong message to your children.
Talk openly and honestly with your children, ensuring it is age appropriate, about the risks associated with alcohol and the importance of making responsible choices. Encourage them to ask questions and express their concerns.
Set clear boundaries around alcohol use in your home, such as no drinking under the legal age or no excessive drinking. Enforce these boundaries consistently and communicate the consequences clearly.
Model healthy coping strategies for stress and difficult emotions that do not involve alcohol. Encourage and teach your children how to develop healthy outlets for stress, such as exercise, mindfulness, or spending time with friends and family.

Remember to take the pressure off yourself as a parent. We’re all doing our best and no one is perfect. The key thing is to be aware of the impact our own behaviours have on our children and the importance of modeling responsible drinking behaviour.

By having open and honest conversations with our children about alcohol use and modeling healthy coping strategies for stress and difficult emotions, we can help shape the next generation’s future behaviour in a positive and responsible way.

We’d like to share a story from one of our members.

A very personal and moving story from one of our Hello Sunday Morning’s Kozi Moonlight Adventure participants! In this week’s blog, we sit down with Shea Steinkellner. Shea talks about his own personal journey with alcohol, grief and the pain and challenges of caring for a parent (as an adult) who had alcohol dependencies.

As we are taking a closer look at the impact a loved one’s drinking can have on a family for this week’s blog, we would like to give a heads-up to those who have lost a loved one due to alcohol or who are currently going through it. If this is you, we suggest that maybe you might want to give this blog a miss.

“Janet, your liver is now functioning at 10 per cent. If you continue to drink alcohol, there will be little we can do to help you.”

Whack! At least that’s what my body felt. My mum, however, didn’t flinch. It was as if she hadn’t even heard this brutal summary from her gastroenterologist. I hoped the enormity of this information would eventually sink in, and that Mum would finally see what was so clearly obvious to the rest of us – that she needed to stop drinking.

After we became aware of the seriousness of Mum’s dependency on alcohol, she would do multiple spells in detox and rehab, at various facilities across Melbourne, Australia. Each stint brought fresh hope of finding the solution. Sadly, that hope would fade, as inevitably Mum would resume drinking soon after being discharged. My family and I tried our best to offer support and love. With tears in our eyes, we would plead with her to stop, but at times it felt as if we were talking to a brick wall. The need for alcohol to cope with past trauma was too strong for her.

The constant drinking had a myriad of medical implications on her body. Her work also started to suffer, colleagues noticing changes in Mum’s behaviour, appearance, and performance.

Previously in this job, and throughout her life as an adult and a mother, my mum had been the epitome of hard work. Mum eventually had to stop working due to one particular incident at work. Not long after, we moved Mum into a retirement village, hoping a more community-based environment might improve her mental health and decrease the need for solo drinking. It did the opposite. Her sense of isolation increased, and her mental health deteriorated. After another long hospital admission, Mum’s medical team told us plainly that at the age of just 63, she needed 24-hour care. So, my family and I had to make the heart-breaking decision to move Mum into aged care.

2019 saw the arrival of my daughter, which I thought would have been an incentive for Mum to change her relationship with alcohol. While she had so much love for her only grandchild, it still wasn’t enough. I would take her to visit Mum as much as I could, but it became more from a sense of obligation than love. The years of heartache trying in vain to help Mum had taken their toll. I basically grieved for Mum over these years, going through periods of empathy and understanding, sadness, but also resentment and anger.

Mum's battle with alcohol would give me cause to reflect on my drinking history and my relationship with alcohol.

My wife and I watched Shaun Micallef’s brilliant doco series ‘On the Sauce,’ and it had a profound effect on us. It was the catalyst to start my own “sober curious” journey, sourcing material on this lifestyle from podcasts, books and online, while also starting to try alcohol-free alternatives, such as non-alcoholic beer and mocktails. After successfully doing a couple of sober stints, I decided 2021 would be a booze-free year.

The experiment was a success for me. I didn’t miss alcohol and I didn’t feel like I lost anything by not drinking. I discovered some great alcohol-free alternative drinks that I enjoyed and I relished a year without experiencing any hangovers. However, that year presented other significant challenges for me, including enduring more Covid lockdowns in Melbourne, parenting a vivacious toddler, and losing my father to cancer. Despite these difficulties, I stuck to my plan, which resulted in me feeling happier, healthier, and more present as a husband and father.

In May 2022, we received the news that Mum’s chronic liver disease had reached its end stage, and she was referred to the palliative care team. Mum passed away in late November, leaving us with a range of emotions. Though I had been grieving her for some time, her passing was still overwhelming, filled with regret, disappointment, empathy, resentment, pain, and deep sadness. Writing her funeral speech was difficult. I remembered her as a caring mother, devoted daughter, and active community member, but struggled to see past the gloom that her drinking had cast over the last few years.

On the night of my mum's funeral, I joined the Hello Sunday Morning Kozi Moonlight Challenge, which I had previously considered, but felt wasn't the right time.

But now, it felt like a positive way to deal with the darkness of Mum’s story and aid in my own healing journey. I hope to honour her memory and make a difference by preventing others from experiencing the same pain.

Want to know how Shea went on the Hello Sunday Morning’s Kozi Moonlight Adventure? Did he reach the summit of Australia’s highest peak in time for the sunrise? Stay tuned! This is the end of the first part of Shea’s story. In the second part, Shea will be sharing how the challenge went, the community he has found since publicly talking about his mum and his thoughts on the future.

Learn more about Hello Sunday Morning’s Moonlight Mt Kozi Trek and check out Shea’s fundraising page.

Like many of us, I have, for some time asked the question. Am I drinking too much? Is this a problem? Do I need this in my life?

Like many Australian men, my “rite of passage” was getting into pubs underage, getting “blind” and surviving the worst hangovers.

Although the dial has shifted on this in recent times, hangovers were a bragging point. As a result, binge drinking became a part of my social scene. Ev’s always in for a big night became the theme.

This continued, even after I was married, after I had children, and, as they grew. Although the regularity of my drinking decreased the extremes remained. For many people there is an extreme point which defines the need for a change. For me there were multiple, however, none of them were too extreme, some were a bit embarrassing, others not at all, but I certainly came to the point where I decided that my values and my binge drinking were at odds with each other.

I value being healthy. Throughout my life I played sports and competed at different levels, mostly for the enjoyment and the feeling of being fit and healthy.

More importantly, I value my family and I knew that the example I was setting alongside my inability to function as a husband and a father were also at odds with my behaviour.

Like many blokes in their 50’s I wasn’t bouncing back any more as well, in fact it was more of a “splat” that left me running on two cylinders the next day. So I took a week off here and there, and took a month off once or twice. After each period, I would then pick up a drink again, but also each time I did this I was a bit wiser and self-aware. If you’re waiting for the crash to happen, it doesn’t. This is a story about moderation and my experience of it.

I live in an environment which is quite unique, if I go to a party, my wife and I walk there. There is no “nah, I’m driving” happening. We have fairly regular dinners both at our home and at others, there is always wine and beer, there is a club up the road, we walk there. What this means is that the environment is very “forgiving” for someone who drinks too much. So when I cut back, I braced myself for inevitable pressure from others. I braced myself for wanting more and having to say no, not only to others but to myself. I read books on quitting with most painting fairly bleak pictures of the moderation approach.

For me, if I have too much coffee - I get anxious and ineffective, and so I moderate it. I now take the approach that alcohol is in the same boat.

I like to have a glass of wine with friends, but I know that if I have too many then I don’t get funnier, or smarter, I don’t become a better husband or father and I know that I will not look back tomorrow with fondness about my decision. So, I set some rules, the same way I do for regular exercise, coffee, chocolate and a range of other things in my life.

What I also find is that the peer pressure aspect is less than I anticipated.

I have had periods of abstinence and that has been respected, sure, there have been comments and a nudge here and there but I have a few lines that I rattle off and that tends to do the trick. My standard is….

“nah, it’s been knocking me around I’m off it for a bit.”

“I’m topping out at two tonight, that’ll do me”.

If people don’t respect that, well, that’s on them.

I know that moderation isn’t an option for many, and abstinence is seen as the only true approach. I respect, that for many, this is the case. But for those who want to simply cut back, or take a break, there is a way. My way is to take what I call a value driven approach. Essentially my actions are either helping me head towards these values or they aren’t. If they aren’t, I take corrective action, if that doesn’t work then I ask for help. This is my approach to alcohol. I have had many times where I have headed in the wrong direction.

These are the times I speak to people and use Daybreak. It works for me and perhaps it will for you as well.

Cheers

Ev – from Hello Sunday Morning

The holiday season is a time of gatherings, celebrations and parties. However, it can also be stressful, filled with anxiety for individuals struggling with their relationship with alcohol.

A big part of how we support our community is through sharing stories and encouragement from others.

At the end of last year, we asked our Hello Sunday Morning community to share messages of hope and encouragement to anyone struggling over the holiday season. We are very appreciative and humbled by the responses.

While the holiday season has come to a close, these messages are too empowering not to share with everyone.

We hope these messages will continue to inspire some changes and motivate others to keep going. It’s through this supportive & non-judgemental community, we can help each other to change our individual relationship with alcohol.

Here are some of their messages:

To anyone struggling, I believe in you! Be gentle with yourself. Trust the process and believe small steps add up over time. It’s okay to reach out for help and build the support system that you need. You are not alone. You are worth it and can do this! 💚

Be well

………..

6 years ago I found the site Hello Sunday Morning.

I was struggling with alcohol and it wasn’t pretty. One day it hit me, I was done. I knew my days were numbered and my alcoholism was going to win. I stopped cold turkey. I went away for a month and faced the social anxiety and complexities that kept me “lubricated” not only faced them but discovered them and the why of them. It occurred to me that I needed to take better care of my body. I needed to rediscover it. NONE of this would have been possible without Hello Sunday Morning. It was my life line. I checked in all throughout the first days. Every white knuckle moment was shared and the sweet merit badges etc…kept me inspired and motivated. 

Finally, I can say after 6 years that I am pretty free. Oh, occasionally I will look at someone nursing a pretty cocktail and remember the experience. However, It never outweighs my sobriety and the luscious clarity being sober brings. I never have to recount my evenings and wonder “the who, what, and where” did I say something off??? JOYOUSNESS and when I don’t feel centered I stay home. I pick up my book, put on my jams and I am blissed out in my own company.

THANK YOU HSM You saved my life.

………..

Hi Everyone,

I would like to give a hug to everyone and say: We’re all in this together! You are not alone! Reach out to someone, you will be surprised . Just how much kindness and compassion there is! Look at the positives, no matter  how small they seem.

Lots of love to all .Your Neighbour

………..

My message of hope.

On 31 December it will be 365 days AF. Has it been easy? No. Did I struggle at times? Yes. But I held fast to the commitment I made to myself.

Originally, I was going to try AF for 6 months. I told my daughters and my husband of my intentions so that they would hold me accountable. Was I a problem drinker? I didn’t think so? but I used alcohol to help my social anxiety and a bottle of wine or two each evening was not going to help me conquer this.  2022 has been a learning tool for me and I have been able to attend social occasions without alcohol and I have loved it. Grandbaby #5 decided to come into the world at 10pm one night this year and I was able to jump in the car with no worries about what alcohol I had already consumed. I have also loved no headaches in the mornings and better nights sleep! 

When I achieved the 6 months, I decided to keep going and I do not miss it at all. I am a better wife, mother and nana without the crutch of alcohol.  

To anyone who is contemplating a NYE resolution, back yourself and give it a go. If you stumble along the way, start afresh the next day. We all stumble at times in our life, but it’s how we move forward that matters. 

The HSM emails and the Daybreak app are wonderful resources. I rarely post, but there are some wonderful stories that I love reading. It’s an extended family that understands the struggle in a society that promotes a good time that includes alcohol on a daily basis. 

Merry AF Christmas everyone.   

………..

Never quit quitting.  It will get tough – but not forever.  You ride the wave out.  You wake up tomorrow, thankful you got through. 

The next time a wave hits you, you remember how you rode it out last time. You can do this.  You feel better. You look fresher. The eyes never lie.  Ask for help. Find a community.  You will learn so much about yourself.  Find out who you really are and accept yourself. Flaws and all.  Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.  Enjoy the silence.  Be your own best friend.  Freedom. If you fall, pick yourself up.  Say, today I will not drink.  Never quit quitting. 

Merry Christmas.  Envision 25/12/23. Where could you be?  You could be alcohol free.  You could be free. 

………..

Day 980 Alcohol Free. 

To whoever needs to read this: I never thought I would give up drinking.  I always hoped I would, but never thought I could.  On 23rd December it will be 2 years 6 months since I stopped drinking alcohol and my biggest relief was that my reliance on it turned out to be habitual.  

I’ll admit that it was not easy to stop that habit but, as human beings, we’re not known for being good with change!!  The biggest benefit is everything!  Viewing life through eyes that aren’t fogged with alcohol is amazing.  It’s like seeing a digital colour and HD TV screen for the first time ,when previously all you’ve known as an analogue black and white TV!

Make the effort and you’ll thank yourself for the rest of your life! xxx”

………..

We want to say a very big thank you to our community for their stories and messages of hope you sent to us. Without your support, we wouldn’t be able to help so many others.

We are looking forward to 2023 with you, as we continue to work towards a world where everyone has access to the support they need, in the moment they need it.

Our heartfelt thanks,

The Hello Sunday Morning Team

The holiday season is a time of celebration and joy. It is a time for excess and indulgences. During this time, alcohol consumption can increase by 40%, meaning many people drink more than they intended.

The holiday season can also be stressful, filled with anxiety, disappointment and loneliness. High expectations from relationships, families, colleagues and friends can be confronting and challenging to navigate. During such demanding times, even the best intentions for healthy living can quickly become unstuck and some people may slip into unhealthy behaviours with alcohol use. Making it a vulnerable time full of relapse triggers.

The demands of Christmas and all the stresses that come with it can often make it challenging to step back and give yourself the understanding and compassion you need and deserve. This can keep you stuck or pull you back into the vicious cycle that stands in the way of you moving closer to your core values.

Be empathic towards yourself, especially when encountering emotional pain, grief or loneliness.

The shared experience between a community of people moderating their alcohol consumption or maintaining sobriety allows you to lean on others who understand what you are going through. Engaging with your peer community can provide motivation and hope that progress and recovery are not only possible but sustainable. Whether committing to a healthier approach to alcohol consumption, sobriety or supporting a friend or loved one, please know you don’t have to do this alone. Be sure to reach out to the Daybreak online peer community, where you can receive support while supporting and encouraging others at the same time.

Whether you are taking a mindful approach to your alcohol consumption, especially around Christmas time, or you are in sobriety or are thinking about a change, everyone can benefit from having a personalised toolkit.

A personalised toolkit helps you build a robust self-care framework you can draw on at any time or place, no matter where you may be on your journey. It’s your personal investment in learning new ways to check in with yourself, manage difficult emotions, tolerate distress and self-soothe without alcohol.

Access a copy of the HSM Healthy Sober Living Toolkit - click here.

A collection of evidence-based tips, tools and strategies you can personalise and rely on to help you navigate challenging times. These strategies provide healthy alternatives to help relieve emotional pain and shift a stressful state of mind instead of relying on alcohol to achieve that relief.

The Healthy Sober Living Toolkit can help you master the skills for managing challenges and living your life with clarity and purpose.

Remember to make yourself a priority in your own life and treat yourself with kindness.

Thank you for being you. Go well!

Dominique

With another year come and gone – what a year it has been! As I reflect on 2022, it’s clear there have been many great achievements.

I am extremely proud to say in 2022, Hello Sunday Morning’s Daybreak program welcomed an additional 10,000 new members.

Bringing our community to a total of 120,570!

It’s through this supportive & non-judgemental community, we can help each other to change our individual relationship with alcohol. Whether it’s wanting to cut back on drinking or quit completely.

Throughout the year we have received many stories of lives being changed, soberversaries celebrated and commitments to changing for the better. You inspire us all!

However, this is not to say that the year has not brought with it many obstacles.

As we adjust to a new post COVID world, it’s not a surprise that many Australians are still struggling with alcohol. And the statistics are sobering. Alcohol related deaths jumped to the largest amount in a decade. And that’s off the back of an increase from the previous year. The cost of alcohol related harm is in the region of $22.6 billion (yes billion) in 2021.

This has meant there has been a significant increase in demand for services. 2022 saw about half a million people trying to get into programs in Australia.

Christmas is a challenging time for people struggling with their drinking. Christmas parties, Christmas at home and then we’re into January with the weather and the long weekend at the end of January.

But what does this mean for us?

It means we need to do more. Here at Hello Sunday Morning, we must double down on our efforts to improve reach and access for all who are needing the help.

As an independent run charity, for us to continue providing our program for free such as Daybreak for Australians – we need your support now more than ever. Whilst we receive some government funding, a large proportion of our program is only made possible by your donations. We rely on the financial support of generous people such as yourself to help all those who turn to us for assistance.

If you can afford a small amount and you are not going through your own struggles, please think about giving to us this holiday season.

Donate today

On a last note, I would like to thank our Hello Sunday Morning staff, corporate partners, donors and you our community for your continual work and commitment. I am extremely proud to work day in and day out with a team of people – who are tirelessly committed to helping our community develop a healthier relationship with alcohol. The fabric and success of Hello Sunday Morning is due to our employees and in 2022, we have enjoyed many achievements. I cannot thank you enough for your enthusiasm and commitment.

From my family to yours and from all of us at Hello Sunday Morning. I wish you a safe holiday season and a happy New Year.

Andy Moore

CEO

Hello, Emma here!

I’m a 33-year-old. Living in London, United Kingdom.

It can be said that alcohol dependency can be isolating. For many of us struggling with drinking, it can feel lonely. When it comes to developing a new relationship with alcohol. I believe that we as a community must share our feelings and connect with each other. Community is essential for maintaining and enjoying sobriety. It helps us to avoid feelings of isolation, rediscovering self, and connecting with others, who understand what you’re experiencing.

I’m wanting to share my journey (with a little trepidation). I hope that by opening up, and discussing my sober journey, I can help others.

Almost a year ago my body decided quite simply ‘no more vino’!

After unexpectedly being faced with a mirage of health challenges. I realised that it was time to deal with my drinking and my relationship with alcohol.

When I first started my sober journey, I realised I couldn’t remember how to socialise, de-stress or even have fun without a drink. I had relied on alcohol for almost every emotion. I was now facing the world, my problems, worries, and feelings all without the help of a drink.

I knew I was drinking too much but somehow, I trained my brain to believe the excuses. That I was functioning! I was paying my bills on time! I was allowed to enjoy myself … right?! Wrong! I knew the effects of alcohol from a young age, but not enough to stop me. I didn’t understand how anyone could have fun without drinking. Society today seems as if it is advertising alcohol in every possible way. I’m now wanting to show what the real effect of alcohol looks like, not the glamourised picture it portrays.

To give you an idea of my drinking patterns, I started to drink in my late teens. When I was out with friends on the weekend, then after work drinks and in the end drinking indoors . I was always able to manage a full-time job. However, slowly, my productiveness started to decrease at work too.

I joined Hello Sunday Mornings four years ago. I always wished I was brave enough to try and be sober sooner.

I was always putting it off! Often, when I was lying in bed on the weekend with the worst anxiety and beer fear possible. I would make the commitment to get sober. I would say to myself that I was 100 per cent not drinking again. However, by Tuesday – I was back! Buying a bottle after work to complement my dinner (a dinner which I probably would never eat anyway).

It’s been one year since I last had a drink. Something I genuinely didn’t think would be possible. My health is improving. It has been challenging at times! I haven’t been as social as I was before. I find certain places still triggering for me, but I’m learning as I go.

Please do ask for help if you feel drinking is becoming a priority. I’m not a sober specialist or expert, but I am human, and I can be honest. I first-hand know it can feel like you’re not getting anywhere or you’re not feeling any benefits once you stop. Keep going! I promise the sober world is beautiful.

Good luck and keep well.

Emma

The ways that have helped me so far:

◦ Reading real-life stories and learning each day from someone else’s perspective

◦ Hello Sunday has amazing support

◦ Keep a tight circle of friends or family you can trust available to talk

◦ Breathe and breathe again

◦ Think forward and enjoy every sober moment

I have not drunk alcohol for over three years now – not on any occasion. Stopping drinking completely was a very good decision for me at that time, because my life is now so much richer. Sometimes I still wonder and ask myself – at its core how has giving up alcohol changed my life. Sure – without alcohol, I no longer had to suffer from its many toxicities and the hangovers.

That alone really did me a lot of good. The absence of that debilitating fatigue feeling the day after – felt like a real energy boost. At the same time, not everything developed to perfection in my life, of course. There are still the grey and sad moments. And yet as each sober day passed, I slowly saw my self-confidence grow.

By being sober, I started to get my power back. Moments of happiness, contentment and joy were now much more frequent.

My self-esteem eroded through time

Why was that? Looking back today, I believe a lot of it had to do with the change in my self-esteem and the respect that I had for myself. On reflection I noticed that when I drank, my self-esteem was slowly eroding away.

Drinking had all too often given me the courage I needed especially when it came to socialising. But over the years, I felt more and more, that in truth, I was becoming increasingly unsure of myself. I sometimes really wondered about this – because alcohol was supposed to have the exact opposite effect. I didn’t like myself that way. Quite often I hated myself for my failures to stop or drink less. Many times, I felt incredibly ashamed and – yes – sometimes despised myself for that. Over the years, drinking “gnawed” at me and made my view of myself and my life increasingly critical and sad – and many things seemed more and more boring, exhausting and grey. Slowly and only rarely, I began to think:

“Do I honestly like the way I live?”

“Do I like myself, my thoughts and my life?”

“Do I smile when I do the things I do?”

Was alcohol the problem and not me

I slowly began to suspect that I had no longer been in control, but rather that alcohol was controlling me. More and more, I had the nagging (and very justified) feeling that I was no longer the master of my own house. I realised.

The older and more mature I became (I am now in my late fifties) the more ashamed I was of myself and my drinking. Especially in front of younger people. I was often embarrassed by my own drinking. I realised that I wanted to be a better role model in lots of situations.

I experienced wonderful summer days clouded by a fog of residual alcohol, headache and hangovers. I experienced a lifestyle that made me sick and saw that I was unable to take care of my own body and life.

I was living in a way that, at the very core of my heart, I did not want to. What had happened to my integrity? Where had my self-respect gone? What had happened to the feeling of being proud of myself?

Reflections and a resolutions

I often thought that something was wrong with me, that I had deep-seated problems with myself and my life, which forced me to use alcohol to soften the blow and make it bearable. For a while I thought that maybe, I should do psychotherapy.

I didn’t. I drew a different conclusion and, after a few failed attempts at stopping drinking completely. I was afraid to take this step, because there were so many questions in my head. Will I be lonely without alcohol? Will I still have friends? Will I ever be able to really have fun again? I did it anyway. At that time, I wished very much and hoped – but I also felt it deep inside myself – that from now on everything would turn to good.

My self-esteem returned slowly

Slowly things started to get better without my previously beloved alcohol. I started to like myself again. I felt I was doing the right thing. I felt it physically. I rediscovered who I really was, and sometimes I felt like an archaeologist tracking down the remains of an ancient, long-forgotten city in the deepest dim and humid jungle – and slowly and carefully uncovering its structures – streets, foundations, walls or ditches – layer by layer with trowel, broom and brush. There he was – the ‘Tom’ as he used to be and as I knew myself . He survived and he does exist! How wonderful! After I stopped drinking, I slowly achieved this clarity, and my self-esteem was returning. I was bursting with joy when I noticed that! Growing like a muscle and flourishing like a beautiful little plant under my care – my self-esteem slowly came back – what a great gift!

I like to see myself taking more responsibility today – for myself, my life, and for others as well. I enjoy not having to hide my addiction anymore – because there is none. I feel good about letting go of drinking and no longer see a loss in it – because I now know that it simply does me significantly more harm than good.

I’m more likely to approach people at parties today because I feel okay with myself – and am probably no better and no worse than anyone else. At a party, I’m sometimes the first one to make a joke – because I don’t have to wait to get ‘loose’ by having a few drinks. I experienced that in the past it was not the alcohol that made me cool. I was myself and I can be it without it. Today, I can run exuberantly over summer meadows again, can embrace light, flowers and life – even if I was invited somewhere the night before. If nothing else, I am experiencing that I can be a better husband.

How do I look at myself today?

When my plans fail, when I miss opportunities or when I once perform less than I could. I have learned to be much more forgiving with myself. I no longer need to reach for a bottle of beer to gain this insight. Today, I can say “yes” to myself much more easily than before.

I now understand that for me it was obviously not deep-seated trauma, psychological damage or problems that forced me to drink. It was the alcohol. I had carelessly drunk far too much for a while and alcohol had become increasingly demanding of itself. Alcohol had been the problem – not so much myself.

For me it was the right decision not to drink anymore. And that still feels very, very good today.

If you are a drinker that has decided it is time to cut back or quit drinking, alcohol detox is one of the first steps toward changing your relationship with alcohol. However, you may be apprehensive due to potential withdrawal symptoms. This week we will explore alcohol withdrawal symptoms, the benefits of reducing or quitting alcohol, and creating a plan.

What is alcohol withdrawal?

Alcohol is a depressant that, after long-term use drinking, months or years, the body begins to rely on. Over time, some of those chemicals that the brain naturally produces begin to rely heavily on alcohol to maintain their production. Because of this reliance on alcohol to help produce these chemicals, when a person suddenly quits or significantly reduces alcohol consumption, the body needs time to adjust. The brain tries to compensate by accelerating this adjustment process and it’s this process that causes alcohol withdrawal symptoms.

Alcohol withdrawal can produce a broad range of uncomfortable physical symptoms that range from mild to severe across a timeline and can include psychological effects. Symptoms tend to emerge around 6 hours after the last drink, with a peak between 24-72 hours. Some milder symptoms will diminish over 24-48 hours.

Milder symptoms include:

Headache
Sweating
Anxiety
Irritability
Restless sleep
Nausea
Sensitivity to light and sound
Difficulty concentrating

People who have been heavy drinkers for many years are more likely to develop more serious symptoms, also known as Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome or AWS. These symptoms require immediate medical attention and include:

Tremors
Seizures
Hallucinations
Disorientation
Delirium Tremens (DTs)

The severity and intensity of withdrawal symptoms will depend on your personal drinking history, including the amount of alcohol consumption, level of alcohol dependency, your drinking pattern, length of time in that pattern, and any previous relapses.

You can check your risk of alcohol dependency levels by doing the HSM Alcohol and Wellbeing Self-assessment here. It’s anonymous and will generate a result for you in real-time.

Alcohol withdrawal symptoms timeline

Alcohol withdrawal symptoms follow a timeline, with uncomfortable symptoms peaking around 10-30 hours after your last drink. The good news is that most people’s discomfort starts to decrease after 48 hours.

Because of these potential symptoms, many people are apprehensive about reducing or quitting drinking. When planned safely, many of the symptoms associated with alcohol withdrawal can be managed with the help of medical professionals to achieve your goal of changing your relationship with alcohol.

Benefits of cutting back or quitting alcohol

Cutting back or quitting alcohol has many benefits that can improve your quality of life. Keeping this in mind along the way can help you stay motivated.

Better quality sleep
Improvement in mood

Improved self-regulation
Increased energy
Clearer thinking and decision making
Improved concentration

Improved interpersonal relationships
Reduced risks of long-term health complications
Saved money

Start with your Doctor

It is always a good idea to see your medical doctor if you are thinking about quitting or cutting back on alcohol, especially if you are a heavy drinker. Your doctor can discuss with you in detail which course of action best suits your circumstances, and they can support you with a plan.

Create a plan

One of the best ways to stay on track is to have a plan. Having a clearly defined plan that you can return to can keep you motivated and remind you of your progress. Here are six tips you might find useful.

1. Your ‘why’ – list all the reasons you want to cut back or quit drinking. For example, you might value quality of life and for you that might mean you want to improve your health, strengthen your relationship, save money.

2. Set your drinking goal – you might be aiming to abstain from alcohol all together or limit your alcohol intake to no more than 2 to 3 standard drinks at any given time, or commit to 3 alcohol free days per week. It is important to discuss what’s best for you with your doctor.

3. Track your progress – use an Alcohol Tracker, a daily diary or journal your progress.

4. Know your triggers – Don’t give in to peer pressure, keep alcohol out of your range, and keep busy doing activities that align with your values.

5. Be persistent – Cutting back or quitting alcohol can be difficult but worthwhile towards achieving your long-term goals. That journey can look quite different for each person and can be quite a rollercoaster at first. You might need to dig in deep and utilise your resilience and grit.

6. You are not alone – turn to your support network, like those who have your back no matter what, those who will walk beside you, and who will not hold judgement. Ask your family, friends, peers and counsellor for their support. Join a community like Hello Sunday Morning’s Daybreak online peer community for inspiration, motivation and connection.

Finally, before embarking on alcohol detoxification, Hello Sunday Morning highly recommend you seek your doctor or addiction specialist’s support and advice. They will guide you through the best treatment options for you and can help you manage uncomfortable symptoms so that you can lead a productive life that is not directed by alcohol.