binge drinking Archives | Hello Sunday Morning

We’d like to share a story from one of our members.

A very personal and moving story from one of our Hello Sunday Morning’s Kozi Moonlight Adventure participants! In this week’s blog, we sit down with Shea Steinkellner. Shea talks about his own personal journey with alcohol, grief and the pain and challenges of caring for a parent (as an adult) who had alcohol dependencies.

As we are taking a closer look at the impact a loved one’s drinking can have on a family for this week’s blog, we would like to give a heads-up to those who have lost a loved one due to alcohol or who are currently going through it. If this is you, we suggest that maybe you might want to give this blog a miss.

“Janet, your liver is now functioning at 10 per cent. If you continue to drink alcohol, there will be little we can do to help you.”

Whack! At least that’s what my body felt. My mum, however, didn’t flinch. It was as if she hadn’t even heard this brutal summary from her gastroenterologist. I hoped the enormity of this information would eventually sink in, and that Mum would finally see what was so clearly obvious to the rest of us – that she needed to stop drinking.

After we became aware of the seriousness of Mum’s dependency on alcohol, she would do multiple spells in detox and rehab, at various facilities across Melbourne, Australia. Each stint brought fresh hope of finding the solution. Sadly, that hope would fade, as inevitably Mum would resume drinking soon after being discharged. My family and I tried our best to offer support and love. With tears in our eyes, we would plead with her to stop, but at times it felt as if we were talking to a brick wall. The need for alcohol to cope with past trauma was too strong for her.

The constant drinking had a myriad of medical implications on her body. Her work also started to suffer, colleagues noticing changes in Mum’s behaviour, appearance, and performance.

Previously in this job, and throughout her life as an adult and a mother, my mum had been the epitome of hard work. Mum eventually had to stop working due to one particular incident at work. Not long after, we moved Mum into a retirement village, hoping a more community-based environment might improve her mental health and decrease the need for solo drinking. It did the opposite. Her sense of isolation increased, and her mental health deteriorated. After another long hospital admission, Mum’s medical team told us plainly that at the age of just 63, she needed 24-hour care. So, my family and I had to make the heart-breaking decision to move Mum into aged care.

2019 saw the arrival of my daughter, which I thought would have been an incentive for Mum to change her relationship with alcohol. While she had so much love for her only grandchild, it still wasn’t enough. I would take her to visit Mum as much as I could, but it became more from a sense of obligation than love. The years of heartache trying in vain to help Mum had taken their toll. I basically grieved for Mum over these years, going through periods of empathy and understanding, sadness, but also resentment and anger.

Mum's battle with alcohol would give me cause to reflect on my drinking history and my relationship with alcohol.

My wife and I watched Shaun Micallef’s brilliant doco series ‘On the Sauce,’ and it had a profound effect on us. It was the catalyst to start my own “sober curious” journey, sourcing material on this lifestyle from podcasts, books and online, while also starting to try alcohol-free alternatives, such as non-alcoholic beer and mocktails. After successfully doing a couple of sober stints, I decided 2021 would be a booze-free year.

The experiment was a success for me. I didn’t miss alcohol and I didn’t feel like I lost anything by not drinking. I discovered some great alcohol-free alternative drinks that I enjoyed and I relished a year without experiencing any hangovers. However, that year presented other significant challenges for me, including enduring more Covid lockdowns in Melbourne, parenting a vivacious toddler, and losing my father to cancer. Despite these difficulties, I stuck to my plan, which resulted in me feeling happier, healthier, and more present as a husband and father.

In May 2022, we received the news that Mum’s chronic liver disease had reached its end stage, and she was referred to the palliative care team. Mum passed away in late November, leaving us with a range of emotions. Though I had been grieving her for some time, her passing was still overwhelming, filled with regret, disappointment, empathy, resentment, pain, and deep sadness. Writing her funeral speech was difficult. I remembered her as a caring mother, devoted daughter, and active community member, but struggled to see past the gloom that her drinking had cast over the last few years.

On the night of my mum's funeral, I joined the Hello Sunday Morning Kozi Moonlight Challenge, which I had previously considered, but felt wasn't the right time.

But now, it felt like a positive way to deal with the darkness of Mum’s story and aid in my own healing journey. I hope to honour her memory and make a difference by preventing others from experiencing the same pain.

Want to know how Shea went on the Hello Sunday Morning’s Kozi Moonlight Adventure? Did he reach the summit of Australia’s highest peak in time for the sunrise? Stay tuned! This is the end of the first part of Shea’s story. In the second part, Shea will be sharing how the challenge went, the community he has found since publicly talking about his mum and his thoughts on the future.

Learn more about Hello Sunday Morning’s Moonlight Mt Kozi Trek and check out Shea’s fundraising page.

Like many of us, I have, for some time asked the question. Am I drinking too much? Is this a problem? Do I need this in my life?

Like many Australian men, my “rite of passage” was getting into pubs underage, getting “blind” and surviving the worst hangovers.

Although the dial has shifted on this in recent times, hangovers were a bragging point. As a result, binge drinking became a part of my social scene. Ev’s always in for a big night became the theme.

This continued, even after I was married, after I had children, and, as they grew. Although the regularity of my drinking decreased the extremes remained. For many people there is an extreme point which defines the need for a change. For me there were multiple, however, none of them were too extreme, some were a bit embarrassing, others not at all, but I certainly came to the point where I decided that my values and my binge drinking were at odds with each other.

I value being healthy. Throughout my life I played sports and competed at different levels, mostly for the enjoyment and the feeling of being fit and healthy.

More importantly, I value my family and I knew that the example I was setting alongside my inability to function as a husband and a father were also at odds with my behaviour.

Like many blokes in their 50’s I wasn’t bouncing back any more as well, in fact it was more of a “splat” that left me running on two cylinders the next day. So I took a week off here and there, and took a month off once or twice. After each period, I would then pick up a drink again, but also each time I did this I was a bit wiser and self-aware. If you’re waiting for the crash to happen, it doesn’t. This is a story about moderation and my experience of it.

I live in an environment which is quite unique, if I go to a party, my wife and I walk there. There is no “nah, I’m driving” happening. We have fairly regular dinners both at our home and at others, there is always wine and beer, there is a club up the road, we walk there. What this means is that the environment is very “forgiving” for someone who drinks too much. So when I cut back, I braced myself for inevitable pressure from others. I braced myself for wanting more and having to say no, not only to others but to myself. I read books on quitting with most painting fairly bleak pictures of the moderation approach.

For me, if I have too much coffee - I get anxious and ineffective, and so I moderate it. I now take the approach that alcohol is in the same boat.

I like to have a glass of wine with friends, but I know that if I have too many then I don’t get funnier, or smarter, I don’t become a better husband or father and I know that I will not look back tomorrow with fondness about my decision. So, I set some rules, the same way I do for regular exercise, coffee, chocolate and a range of other things in my life.

What I also find is that the peer pressure aspect is less than I anticipated.

I have had periods of abstinence and that has been respected, sure, there have been comments and a nudge here and there but I have a few lines that I rattle off and that tends to do the trick. My standard is….

“nah, it’s been knocking me around I’m off it for a bit.”

“I’m topping out at two tonight, that’ll do me”.

If people don’t respect that, well, that’s on them.

I know that moderation isn’t an option for many, and abstinence is seen as the only true approach. I respect, that for many, this is the case. But for those who want to simply cut back, or take a break, there is a way. My way is to take what I call a value driven approach. Essentially my actions are either helping me head towards these values or they aren’t. If they aren’t, I take corrective action, if that doesn’t work then I ask for help. This is my approach to alcohol. I have had many times where I have headed in the wrong direction.

These are the times I speak to people and use Daybreak. It works for me and perhaps it will for you as well.

Cheers

Ev – from Hello Sunday Morning

With another year come and gone – what a year it has been! As I reflect on 2022, it’s clear there have been many great achievements.

I am extremely proud to say in 2022, Hello Sunday Morning’s Daybreak program welcomed an additional 10,000 new members.

Bringing our community to a total of 120,570!

It’s through this supportive & non-judgemental community, we can help each other to change our individual relationship with alcohol. Whether it’s wanting to cut back on drinking or quit completely.

Throughout the year we have received many stories of lives being changed, soberversaries celebrated and commitments to changing for the better. You inspire us all!

However, this is not to say that the year has not brought with it many obstacles.

As we adjust to a new post COVID world, it’s not a surprise that many Australians are still struggling with alcohol. And the statistics are sobering. Alcohol related deaths jumped to the largest amount in a decade. And that’s off the back of an increase from the previous year. The cost of alcohol related harm is in the region of $22.6 billion (yes billion) in 2021.

This has meant there has been a significant increase in demand for services. 2022 saw about half a million people trying to get into programs in Australia.

Christmas is a challenging time for people struggling with their drinking. Christmas parties, Christmas at home and then we’re into January with the weather and the long weekend at the end of January.

But what does this mean for us?

It means we need to do more. Here at Hello Sunday Morning, we must double down on our efforts to improve reach and access for all who are needing the help.

As an independent run charity, for us to continue providing our program for free such as Daybreak for Australians – we need your support now more than ever. Whilst we receive some government funding, a large proportion of our program is only made possible by your donations. We rely on the financial support of generous people such as yourself to help all those who turn to us for assistance.

If you can afford a small amount and you are not going through your own struggles, please think about giving to us this holiday season.

Donate today

On a last note, I would like to thank our Hello Sunday Morning staff, corporate partners, donors and you our community for your continual work and commitment. I am extremely proud to work day in and day out with a team of people – who are tirelessly committed to helping our community develop a healthier relationship with alcohol. The fabric and success of Hello Sunday Morning is due to our employees and in 2022, we have enjoyed many achievements. I cannot thank you enough for your enthusiasm and commitment.

From my family to yours and from all of us at Hello Sunday Morning. I wish you a safe holiday season and a happy New Year.

Andy Moore

CEO

The end of an era – the moment I decided to quit drinking alcohol

I decided to try and give alcohol away after landing in Kununurra hospital with alcohol-related pancreatitis. Pancreatitis, by the way, is no party trick! I couldn’t lift my head up without throwing up and I’d thrown everything there was to chunder. After 10 days I sort of walked out of hospital, but I had a distinct wobble towards the left that took quite a bit of exercise and practice to overcome. I had done some brain damage in my enthusiasm for upholding the creed of the north… drink until you drop!

I was so sick it wasn’t hard to give up after getting out of hospital. The drug and alcohol people had come to talk with me while I was taking up a hospital bed so I decided quit drinking alcohol – it was time to do something about my drinking. My drinking problem had progressively grown and shrunk over the years. I used to kid myself that I was a “functioning alcoholic” sometimes. But that viewpoint would morph into outright denial under pressure from friends or ex-lovers. Now after having blood pressure off the charts and feeling the devastation that only serious illness can bring, I was finally ready to change.

I had lingering thought
in the back of my mind;
‘one day when I'm a bit older
I'll be able to drink in moderation.’

I cajoled a mate into co-founding a local branch of AA after reading up on that organisation and resonating with it. We did get the branch up and running but soon my work took me away from town into the bush. That was in 2004 and for 5 years I stayed off the turps. But I always had this lingering thought in the back of my mind that ‘one day when I’m a bit older I’ll be able to drink in moderation.’ This was a dangerous ambition to house, but I just could not bring myself to believe or even to say that I would never drink again.

The sudden impulse

After 5 years of quit drinking alcohol and enjoyment of good health, a clear mind and stable relationships with those around me, the idiocy of that inner belief in ‘time heals all ills’ came back to haunt me. I was in Darwin and went to an Asian restaurant for a curry… it was a beautiful beef curry. In fact, this curry was so good one thought took over my mind… a glass of red wine would make this curry complete.

Surely one glass wouldn’t be a big problem, after all I’d handled not drinking for 5 years without any hiccups. I knew how to control the ‘urge’. So, I ordered a house wine from the waitress and yessss – it was so good and went so well with the curry that I was feeling on top of the world. I only drank that one glass of red that night and I walked back to my motel feeling very happy with myself. All was well… I had faced the dreaded alcohol and had come away on top of the encounter.

The next day I ruminated on this momentous occasion and came to the conclusion that maybe, after 5 long years of quit drinking alcohol, I was ready to ‘drink responsibly’ but I wasn’t tempted to follow up at all. Then later in the day, I was walking past the busy bars on Mitchell Street on my way back to the motel and stared for a while at the crowds of happy, boisterous drinkers. I thought to myself, ‘look at all that mob, I would’ve been right in there once upon a time. But I can’t enjoy life with them because I have this ‘illness’ that stops me from drinking’. This made me feel very alone and very unhappy for a moment. I should have known that thought was my old enemy, my mind is setting me up, but I let it pass.

That glass of red wine
was the beginning of
a 4-year binge of ups, downs
and almighty stuff-ups

Then I remembered my strength in the face of that glass of red wine and I walked back to my room full of strength again. The following day the nagging sadness returned, and I decided I was ready to give 1 or 2 beers a try. I wasn’t really a wine drinker. I was a beer drinker from my teens onwards and this would be the real test. That first time I only had 2 beers but that was enough to make me a bit tiddly after 5 years. Yet, I was still proud of myself that I got up and left the bar before getting drunk.

Back to where I started

Long story short, within 3 months I was drinking as much – if not more than I had been drinking 5 years before. That glass of red wine was the beginning of a 4-year binge of ups, downs and almighty stuff-ups. I won’t bother to go into those 4 years, but my mind found all sorts of rationalisations and ‘reasons’ for my return to the drinking life. Eventually I wound up back in Kununurra hospital on a deja vu visit.

It wasn’t pancreatitis this time it was sheer alcohol abuse. I was 60 kgs (from a normal 75-80 kgs) and so weak I could only walk about 5 meters before I had to sit down on the ground and catch my breath. I was out bush, as before, and I had to fly into town, as before, to get to hospital. A mate met me at the airport and drove me to the emergency door… I took a last swig of my disguised orange juice bottle, laced with Bundaberg Rum as I walked through the door and binned it just inside.

When I reported to the nurse, they were expecting me and straight away I was hurriedly shuffled back into the emergency observation room for the expected withdrawals. The Indian doctor who scored my case noticed I had a couple of books on Buddhism with me and was delighted as a Hindu to have a conversation with me. Hindus are very open-minded and accepting of other creeds. He also informed me that my “liver was going to leave me”. He said the enzyme count that should have been between 30 and 50 was over 4000… the highest he’d ever seen or heard of. He solemnly told me that cirrhosis of the liver was very probable, but we would wait and see.

A second chance

After 5 days in hospital my doctor friend came in excitedly telling me, ‘Mr CB, your liver loves you.’ I was equally excited and asked if the count was back to normal at which he pronounced, ‘no it wasn’t.’ It was 2000 but heading in the right direction. The drug and alcohol worker came to see me. She was very concerned and very compassionate so I decided that this time had come again but I couldn’t do this on my own this time. I needed more tools in my toolbox to handle it this time.

The lovely lady booked me onto the waiting lists for 3 different rehab facilities in Perth. There were heaps of people needing rehab as it turned out, so I would have to wait. I waited 2 months with no answer from any of the 3 facilities. I was in fact writing an email to accept a job offer from a well-meaning acquaintance. He had said to me that I had beaten it for 5 years once before and I should just come back to work and do it again. He and his staff would support me.

This was a very generous offer, and I was totally thankful, but I knew deep down that I really needed those extra tools to beat this ‘thing’. I did not want to go another 5 years just to bust again and have to go through the same old same old all over again. But with no word from any of the rehabs and the job demands coming up I was at the point of accepting the offer. But, thankfully, before I had finished penning the email, I got a phone call from the Salvos Bridge Program people wanting to know if I still wanted a bed in their rehab facility. I immediately jumped at it and within a week I had flown into Kununurra and on to Perth.

Long story short once again, the 4-month program that the Salvation Army advertise turned into 6 of the best spent months I’d spent in 40 years. I was 60 then. I could write a book on that brilliant experience, and I wish I’d done it 20 years before. But I’ll skip the details of that great journey only to say that it gave me not only the tools but allowed me the time to turn a very important corner. I was the oldest patient in the place and just about all the other people there were dependent on ice or heroin or multi-drug sufferers.

If you've tried and fallen off the waggon,
just jump right back on.
It's not a failure,
it's just another step in the process.

A week before I left rehab, I had an epiphany. I literally felt like my brain had moved in my skull and a great weight had disappeared magically off my shoulders. The counsellors had all said that I would know when it was time to leave the facility. And they were right. But I didn’t expect the absolute revelation that came with that knowledge. I knew I didn’t need or want to drink again.

Quit drinking alcohol for good

I ‘knew’ deep down that I didn’t want to touch alcohol again as long as I lived, and I could openly and honestly say it! I’m now 69 and after 8 years of sobriety, going 9 in November, I still can say very loudly I will never drink alcohol again.

If I could say one or two things to anyone who thinks that this battle is just too hard, I’d say if you’ve tried and fallen off the waggon, just jump right back on. It’s not a failure, it’s just another step in the process. Think long term! Never underestimate that niggling mind burst OR that one glass of wine. Or maybe you just need to go through a bit more before you’re ready. I suffered badly with clinical depression along with the alcohol dependency and both conditions disappeared when I got determined and really concentrated on my recovery program and accepted the help that was offered.

If a weak-willed idiot like me can achieve this goal, absolutely anyone can. You won’t do it alone, but you can do it if you get fair dinkum and accept help. Then don’t ever be distracted by other peoples’ problems or programs. Just put your head down and you’re harden up and concentrate on your own program and do it till it works.

You’ll know when you’ve done what you need to do!

Good luck!

Oh, and start to love yourself. Yes, with all your foibles and warts. just love yourself… because your mum loves you, she can’t be wrong.

Just do it, it’ll be the best thing you’ve done in your life. Just do it! A brilliant life full of colours, flavours and freedoms awaits everyone who persists. I can say that ‘for sure’ because I’m there 🤗 🙏 ❤

Drinking alcohol for people under 40

You might have heard about a recent study suggesting that people under 40 are best advised not to drink. No doubt, this has caused concerns for some, along with other mixed feelings including shame and the feeling of being judged. Studies and their findings can be used to guide personal decisions. They can also keep us informed of any health risks and benefits that may emerge from the data.

So, where does Hello Sunday Morning as an organisation stand on this?

Before we answer that question, it is important to drill down to what exactly this study found and concluded. We will dive deeper into three areas: the study findings regarding young drinkers in particular, HSM’s general view and, where to from here. Hopefully you will be able to make your own informed decisions about your own drinking behaviour.

The study

The Global Burden of Disease analysis published in The Lancet suggests that ‘alcohol consumption carries significant health risks and no benefits for young people.’ Young people in this case are people age between 15-39 years old. The study found that over 59% of participants in that age group were drinking at high-risk levels. Furthermore, 77% of them were males. Overall, the concentration of harmful alcohol consumption for this age group reached in excess of the NDE (Near Death Experience).

In terms of geography, the majority of participants who drank excessively were in Australasia, along with Western and Central Europe. Interestingly, the study did find that older adults may benefit from drinking a small amount of alcohol due to their higher chance of developing cardiovascular disease.

This study recommended that more tailored guidelines that are culturally appropriate and targeted specifically at the under 40 age group is a priority. Guidelines should clearly outline safe alcohol consumption levels and evidenced-base interventions.

Let’s take a have a look at our own drinking culture.

Are Australian under 40 drinking alcohol exceedingly?

According to the National Survey 2020-2021 by ABS, ‘almost seven in ten (69.5%) people aged 18 years and over did not exceed the guideline.’ The guidelines used here is according to the NHMRC standard drink recommendations. The survey reports that out of those who consume alcohol exceeding the standard guidelines, 1 in 7 are aged 18-24 years old and 1 in 4 are aged 55-65 years old. See graph from ABS below:

So, are young people drinking less?

We can see from the statistics above that younger Aussies are drinking less. This might be because they are more health conscious as there are more resources available to educate them about health. Some even argue that the social media culture attributes to this decision. There is a sense of awareness around self-image and self-love (eating well and exercising as a part of self-care and mindfulness); the availability of online dating also opens more opportunities for people to socialise online rather than meeting at pubs and bars. Top that off with the rise of the sober curious movement and the growth of zero to low alcoholic drinks that make it easy for people to opt out from drinking.

When asked what drives the shift in the change of culture (of young people drinking less), Dr Nicole Lee, CEO of drug and alcohol consultancy 360 Edge, also a board member of Hello Sunday Morning said that in her observations ‘we don’t know for sure what is driving it. But I think there is an element of people having children a bit later, so well after their heavy drinking period. So, the modelling of more sensible drinking is more available. Whereas if you have kids in your early 20s and you are still drinking quite a fair bit. Such as going to backyard BBQs with all your friends and drinking heaps, then your kids will see that as well’ .

Although we don’t know for certain what drives the shift, the issue is not how much younger and older adults consume alcohol according to statistics. The study instead was highlighting the point that more attention needs to be placed on Guidelines. Hence, the Global Burden of Disease suggesting a need for more targeted guidelines with the aim to minimise harm and health loss.

Where does that leave you?

There are certain rules and guidelines to a healthy relationship with alcohol. They are designed to help reduce or minimise harm. Guidelines can be useful, but every individual is different. People are complex beings and the relationship between drinking and upbringing, or life experiences are closely related. Where you live, what kind of social circles you belong to, which generation and what ethnicity you are – all of these have an influence on your relationship with alcohol. Whether drinking excessively, moderating or abstaining; over or under 40, the wise approach is to first ask yourself, ‘am I happy with my relationship with alcohol?’ And if you are not, then the next approach would be to consult with a health professional to better understand your health and options.

To be clear, at Hello Sunday Morning, we support people from all different stages of their journey towards a healthier relationship with alcohol. This means whatever age group you are, whatever gender, locality – metropolitan cities or rural country towns, we are here to provide support when you are ready.

Let’s go back to the beginning, should people under 40 stop drinking alcohol? Perhaps a better way to reframe the question is: ‘Am I in control over my relationship with alcohol?’ It is the question we ought to consider from time to time, no matter which age bracket we belong to.

Related article you might be interested to read:

Curbing binge drinking when you’re over 40

When we think about binge drinking, often we imagine teenagers or young adults downing pints of beer or spirits. One thing that might surprise you is that, statistically, some groups of older adults are alongside their younger counterparts in being classified as ‘binge drinkers’.

Many people talk about not having an off button for drinking, but what does this actually mean?

Why is it that some people are able to stop at one drink, but others stay for five or six more? And why does our off button sometimes work well, for example, when we are at work-related drinking gatherings, but not so well when we’re at home in front of the TV?

The answer is a fascinating combination of individual genetics, life experience and environmental factors. These three factors intersect to determine our ability to moderate our drinking. And there is a fourth factor, which we will leave to the end: the icing on the cake of moderate drinking.

1. Individual genetics

Our genetic make-up plays a role in our relationship with alcohol and are responsible for approximately fifty percent of the risk for developing alcohol use disorder. Although genes alone are not responsible. Environmental factors and interactions play a role too. Of course, what we learn from our family whilst we are growing up is important, too. If we have been raised in an environment where drinking to excess is the norm, that may influence our relationship with alcohol. Those who have a family history of substance dependency are more vulnerable of developing a drinking problem.

2. Life experiences

Our life experiences will influence how our brains work. Essentially, people who have been exposed to a lot of stress in their lives will generally be more reactive to things around them. Their fight-or-flight system has been activated so many times, and in so many situations, that it is primed to go off at any moment.

This just means that a person who has had a lot of SLEs (stressful life events), either recently or when growing up, carries this with them in the form of an altered cortisol, serotonin and dopamine reward system. This means that they might feel scattered or exhausted from being on high alert a lot of the time, and will be in much more need of ways to relax, which is where alcohol comes in.

The relaxing and disinhibiting effects of alcohol are much more profound for someone who is already feeling on edge, and so drinking is positively reinforced.

The neuroscience is too dense to go into here, but the relationship between the two is really strong. Have a look at our previous post, where we discuss the link between SLEs, anxiety and drinking.

3. Environmental factor

Our environment plays a huge role in our drinking. Consider the process of having a glass of wine when you are out at dinner, knowing you need to drive home. The part of your brain that controls decision making and safety, your prefrontal cortex, is switched on and reminding you of the possible consequences of having more than one drink, including an accident, getting picked up by the police, and paying for a taxi home. That inner voice is strong against the temptation to have another, and unless there is a really good reason, will usually win out.

Our prefrontal cortex is the part of us that gets us out of bed in the morning, tells us to buy vegetables instead of chocolate for dinner, and does our tax return. Sometimes, when we are out with friends, or at a birthday or special occasion, we feel comfortable putting the prefrontal cortex away for a bit. We consciously decide to ‘let our hair down’, and stop being adults for a while. This is great and necessary, but it means that there is no inner voice to gently remind us that we may have had enough.

The less we think about
what we need to do the next day,
the more we think about
what our next drink would be

4. Alcohol

The fourth factor, the icing on the cake, is alcohol itself. With each drink we have, our cerebral cortex is affected. Our brain is pumping out dopamine, as well as a combination of neurotransmitters that relax and slow us down. Our decision-making abilities become less and less, and we are thinking less about what we need to do the next day and more about what our next drink will be.

So, think about a situation where the prefrontal cortex has been put to the side for the moment and our adult selves are not needed to pay bills, feed children or make a dentist appointment. It might be a special occasion, like a birthday or a holiday. We are in a great mood, and even if we were feeling a bit anxious to begin with, with each drink, the evening gets better and better. With each drink, we are thinking less and talking, dancing, taking photos, etc. The adult part of our brains is well and truly unplugged now and we are in the moment, having a great time … for now.

Or, perhaps you are at home, on a Saturday night. It is a night off and you’ve had a big week. So, you open a bottle of wine and start watching a movie or TV show. Perhaps you are listening to music and the time gets away from you. Before you realise it, you’ve almost finished two bottles of wine without even noticing. Your relaxing night in has somehow ended up as a big night, which you’ll feel the next day for sure.

A situation like either of these is a good example of when the off button might not work due to a combination of no boundaries, or an environment where others are drinking and there is a lot of available alcohol. Our environment is supporting us to drink more and more, and everywhere we look, others are doing the same.

Our initial experience is positive, and even if we have less positive experiences as the evening goes on, what we remember is the good stuff, the things that happen before the alcohol starts to affect our hippocampus, which is the part of our brain responsible for making memories.

One thing that is good to remember
is that in some situations,
we are really no match for alcohol,
even if we expect ourselves
to be able to stay in control

These three factors–individual characteristics, life experiences and environment–all combine to determine your individual off button capacity. If you are having some issues with alcohol and being able to stop at one or two drinks, it will be really helpful to consider situations where this is happening and whether there are any situations where drinking in moderation is possible.

The good news is that it could be as simple as looking at your relationship with alcohol and understanding what role it plays for you. Am I drinking to stop feeling anxious at parties, but then forget to stop once I’m relaxed? Is my drinking more about switching off that critical voice that is telling me I’m not good enough? Am I using alcohol to help me get in the mood to party?

One thing that is good to remember is that in some situations, we are really no match for alcohol, even if we expect ourselves to be able to stay in control. It is like taking a sleeping tablet and asking you to stay awake or eating a whole pizza and expecting to still be hungry afterwards. The reality is that alcohol is a drug, and just like any other drug, it affects our brain, our mood and our health. This is good to remember when we are setting our expectations of ourselves and our relationship with alcohol. The more we drink, the more we will be affected, and we know that in certain situations the opportunity to drink more and more will present itself.

If you are finding that your off button is jammed, not working, or perhaps non-existent, here are a few tips that might help improve your relationship with alcohol:

Take a break – even if it is just for a week, it might be helpful to see what comes up during that time. Attending events sober and sticking to your plans can be a good way of understanding a bit more about the role that alcohol is playing for you, and how you might like to use it in the future.

Set goals – remember the pre-frontal cortex? Sometimes it can be good to keep it somewhat engaged, reminding you of your goal to have only one or two drinks. If we set ourselves a goal, we might not always stick to it, but at least we have some idea of what to aim for.

Know yourself – if, having reflected on your drinking, you realise that your off button goes missing when you are drinking at home by yourself, or when you are out on a Saturday night, take some measures to protect yourself. This could mean only having a small amount of alcohol at home or bringing just enough cash for one drink when you go out. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, and generally, there are situations that we can predict will result in excessive drinking.

Maintenance – a great way of exploring this issue is through sharing with like-minded community. The Daybreak’s community support is a great place for it, where others will be having similar situation and share what has worked for them. Reading through what others have experienced, as well as sharing your own, can be a valuable way of understanding what is going to work for you.

It may also help to talk to one of the Care Navigators at Daybreak about what is going to work for you. For some people, it may be a case of understanding that their off button is only broken in certain situations. For others, it may be a case of reflecting on when the button works perfectly.

At the end of the day, our biological responses to alcohol are pre-determined by those three factors – individual genetics, life experiences and environment, but our relationship with alcohol is something that we have a lot of control over. Just like with any relationship, it sometimes needs a bit of work, but the benefits will be significant.

How can I encourage someone I love to change their drinking?

This is a challenging situation, and a common one.

You might be impacted by the drinking of someone you love, and you want them to address their drinking.

This takes courage and thoughtfulness.

You can encourage them to change but only after you understand what this person is going through and the process of change. A lot of people drink because it serves a purpose. Maybe it serves to manage their stress or grief. Or perhaps they enjoy drinking and don’t necessarily see any reasons to change.

Before you try to encourage a person to change, it’s a good idea to try and put yourself in their shoes and ask these two questions:

Readiness – Do you know if this person is ready to change?
Reasons to change – What are the reasons this person might have for changing their relationship with alcohol?

The reality is that until a person is ready to change, they will probably not stop drinking. That said, there are some things that we can do to help get them on the path to change. One of the ways is to look at the ‘decisional balance,’ understanding their readiness to change through the ‘stages in changes’ and importantly, let them know that you are there and available to support them when they are ready.

Let’s have a look at the decision balance first.

Decision Balance

Decision Balance is a way to understand that there are more reasons to change than to stay the same. When you think about decisions you may have made in your own life, you might find that it is only when there are more reasons to change than to stay the same, that drives you to take action.

For instance, a person might not be ready to change his or her relationship with alcohol because it gives them comfort during tough times. Or, alcohol is a means to stay connected with friends.

More reason to change than to stay the same would look like: a person’s health is at stake, relationship with children and spouse might be in jeopardy, or determination to keep a job or marriage might be reasons to encourage someone’s action to change.

Understanding this will help you to gauge where they are at with making a decision to change. But how do you know if a person is ready to change?

Let them know you are there
and available to support
when they are ready

Stages in changes

Giving the right support will depend on the stage of change the person is at. A person whose drinking is becoming problematic will go through several stages:

Pre-contemplation – a stage where a person does not recognise there is a problem

Encourage them to talk about their behaviour, try to be non-judgemental and curious about it and choose a quiet and private moment to have this conversation. People tend to shut down when the conversation is around something like this, which may be the source of a lot of guilt and shame. If we can be curious and reflective, it is likely that the person will engage with us more and be more open to exploring the reasons for their behaviour

Contemplation – a stage where a person is starting to think there may be a problem

Reflect on how their behaviour is impacting you. If you can find a way to let them know how you are being impacted by their drinking, it may be an additional ‘reason to change’. Let them know that you are feeling worried about them. For example, ‘I wanted to say something because I have noticed you look absolutely exhausted at the moment and I am worried that the alcohol is affecting you more than you realise.’

Ambivalence – when a person seeing equal reasons to change and stay the same

Ask them what the pros and cons of changing or staying the same are, and reflect these to them. Talk to them about possibilities of support like the Daybreak app. You can also point them to some of the blog posts and extensive resources on the Hello Sunday Morning website.

Preparation – when a person has decided to change and are now getting ready to act

You may prompt them with few questions that helps them to reflect, such as:

Ask about times in the past when they have been able to accomplish good things and how they went about it.
Ask about how change has happened for them in the past, what they have done to work towards goals, and what helped.
Ask about any challenges that might come up in the next couple of months, like a busy time at work, a wedding, or a holiday.

Action – this is the stage where a person is actively addressing the problem

Offer support and reflection on the positive changes that you can see. For example, ‘You seem to be much more energetic.’ Or, ‘You seem much more focused at work.’ Let them know if you notice they are not travelling well and encourage them to seek support or use coping strategies.

Maintenance – in this stage, a person has made the changes and working on maintaining them

Continue to reflect positive changes you have noticed in order to keep motivation high. Encourage goal setting and reinforcement of positive gains and offer to monitor for signs of slipping or relapse in a supportive manner.

To read more about these stages, we wrote an extensive exploration for each of this stages here.

Being there when they are ready

Once you understand the decision balance of your loved ones and stages in changes, you can then let them know or show that you can be there for them when they are ready. This could look like:

having the conversation when you think they are ready – we wrote tips on how to start a conversation about someone’s drinking here
offer a non-judgemental support – be attentive and listen without judgement
if applicable, being honest about your own struggle with alcohol
lastly, be firm about your own opinion around alcohol but at the same time be non-condemning towards their action.

A person’s relationship with alcohol
does not look like a straight line,
there may be times when they have slip ups

Of course, there is no one solutions that fits for all when it comes to helping someone to drink less. So, treat these as loose guidelines and adjust it according to your own unique relationship with your loved ones.

It is important that the person wanting or needing to change receives continuous support. Our app, Daybreak, has a supportive community who can empathise with people wanting to change their drinking, as well as access to chat with one of the Care Navigators, who can give personalised suggestions if they needed extra support.

Ultimately, a person’s relationship with alcohol does not look like a straight line, there may be times when they might have slip ups. Being aware of this may help you cultivate patience and compassion towards them.

Do you have a supportive person who helps you change your drinking? Please give them a shout out on the comment box below and tell us how they help you!

It’s complicated – that’s how many Australian’s describe their relationship between alcohol and sporting events. But others believe it’s time to call last drinks on the excessive supply and selling of alcohol to spectators and patrons, empowering them to say ‘no thanks’ with support.

Increasing public interest has focused on problematic alcohol consumption, binge drinking and the link with aggression at large scale public social such as sporting events.

VicHealth are amongst many organisations who have supported research to assess the concerns and impacts

‘Consuming alcohol in Australia is enmeshed with celebration and cultural traditions. There are certain expectations on how people should behave in certain social settings (particularly for young people), and this can involve the expectation of consuming a certain amount of alcohol.’

And it’s not just the events serving alcohol that raise eyebrows. It’s also the heroes we come to see, and how they respond.

Experts agree that the problems also arise when the spotlight shines on athletes involved in alcohol-related incidents. Our newspapers frequently report on police investigations and court proceedings for alcohol fuelled altercations amongst sport stars.

Research indicates that drinking is unquestionably harmful to athletes themselves.

Sports Dietitian at the Orthopedic Specialty Hospital (TOSH) in Murray, Utah, Claire Siekaniec collected research and studies on the effect of alcohol consumption, prior and after sports ‘Although alcohol may have been viewed as an ergogenic aid in the past (likely for psychological reasons), the scientific evidence shows that alcohol hinders athletic performance, and ingestion prior to training or competition should be avoided’

Siekaniec observed that the effects of alcohol on athletes varies on consumption level, physical nature of the athletes and other relevant demographic variables, but consumption of alcohol for athletes must be avoided.

‘The cumulative effects of binge drinking episodes may leave an athlete unable to perform at the expected or desired level.’

However, it’s not always sporting alcohol altercations that capture national interest.

At the 2022 Australian Tennis Open, recently retired professional tennis player crowned Grand Slam Tennis champion, Ash Barty was handed a beer in a post match interview after being crowned Grand Slam Tennis Champion and public debate erupted.

The tennis champion took one sip of beer during the celebratory interview before placing it down on a desk. The Alcohol and Beverages Advertising Code (ABAC) dismissed complaints, responding that Ash Barty ‘was clearly a moderate and responsible consumer of alcohol,’

However, Barty’s post-match sip of beer drew criticism from many on social media and broadcast talk-back who worried that the offering of alcohol perpetuates its necessity at major events.

Channel 9 television host James Mathison was one of many to called out his very own Network for its ‘glamorisation’ of alcohol after the Australian Open televised incident.

The former Australian Idol presenter James Mathison had a problem with the act and described Australia’s relationship with alcohol as ‘bizarre’.

‘Our glorification and glamorisation of alcohol in this country is normalised to the point where we can’t even celebrate success without booze on live TV’, he shared in a tweet that gained much agreement

Our embedded drinking culture

An international study found that Australian’s have been names some of the heaviest drinker’s in the world

Joyful Sober Youtuber Allison Lassick agrees, saying that ‘The Australian drinking culture is so embedded that people might not even realise the risks.’

She recently interviewed Hello Sunday Morning’s CEO Andy Moore who said that ‘the peer pressure of alcohol consumption combined with coming up against a billion dollar industry whose business model is based on customers means there’s a real conflict in how we manage alcohol as a community’

Does alcohol belong in our sporting events?

There’s no denying that alcohol has long been a form of coping, commiserating or celebrating in our culture. Especially at big gatherings and in sporting moments in history.

One of the more famous scenes in our popular culture is of then Prime Minister Bob Hawke after Australia won the America’s Cup in 1982. His colourful quote ‘Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up today is a bum’ was delivered amid champagne-soaked celebrations in a cheering crowd.

But, as we grow and mature as event managers and broadcasters of events, our management of alcohol and its presence is becoming increasingly reassessed and part of an emergent sober celebration culture.

An uneasy conversation brings a shift

A quick Google will highlight the numerous articles on this conversation, and media opinions in the aftermath of the Ash Barty beer handover.

But this is a good sign. Australian’s are paying attention and willing to enter into discussion. That’s much better than the issue not being challenged, or mentioned at all.

Society feels more confident in adding an informed voice to questioning the status quo and transforming our drinking culture.

Interested in reading more? You may find these articles of interest:

https://www.vichealth.vic.gov.au/-/media/FundingOpportunities/Alcohol-Cultures/Rural-and-regional.pdf?la=en&hash=53A78AD6AA6B91EF4407A741DC579D7A6ABCE014

Further reports to shed more light on youth drinking https://fare.org.au/driven-to-drink-australian-first-study-sheds-more-light-on-factors-influencing-youth-drinking/

We’d love to continue this conversation – share your thoughts in our blog comments below.

On March, 31st, I clocked up 1,000 days of being alcohol-free. I haven’t been one to count or log my days during this experience but when I decided to do the numbers a couple of weeks ago and saw that this milestone wasn’t far away, I thought about what my life looked like 1,000 days ago compared with how it looks now and decided that it was definitely a time to reflect and make sense of how I’ve changed and what I’ve learned during this time.

For many years my relationship with alcohol felt unhealthy and problematic. I started binge drinking as a teenager in the 1980s and thirty years later I was still battling to control this destructive cycle of drinking despite my best intentions.

I felt confused a lot of the time as binge drinking was so normalised and accepted in Australian culture. I wasn’t a daily drinker or physically dependent on alcohol. I enjoyed taking part in FebFast and Dry July and didn’t find it difficult to stop drinking. I kept convincing myself that binge drinking was normal and that all I needed to do was moderate and get it under control.

As the years went on, I started to worry more and more about the consequences of my drinking which included blackouts, bed wetting, injuries and out of control conversations and arguments with people that I didn’t remember and would have to piece together the next day.

I had so many mornings waking up with hazy memories of how I got home, forgetting huge chunks of the night and wondering if I’d managed to have my phone and wallet still with me.

I didn’t have an off switch and the tipping point came once I’d have the third drink. I didn’t enjoy moderation or having just.one.drink. There was something appealing about the loss of control, the feeling of oblivion and once I started, I found it difficult to stop.

During my 40s I became increasingly concerned about my drinking and consequently placed lots of rules around what I could and couldn’t do. This included: not drinking during the week, only drinking the one type of alcohol, limiting the number of drinks I could have, avoiding white wine completely and taking two months completely off drinking per year.

Although moderation and rules sometimes worked for me. It felt hard. Like a punishment. It meant I was always thinking about what I could and couldn’t drink and how far from the ‘tipping’ point I was. Often, I would end up in a binge at some point, waking up in the all too familiar pit of shame and embarrassment, wondering what I had to do to stop this unhealthy pattern of drinking.

So, what was the circuit breaker? How did I eventually break the binge drinking cycle?

Simply – I let go of moderation as the solution. I realised that my sweet spot did not exist within the paradigm of moderation and that I needed to start living without alcohol for an indefinite period.

In June 2019 I signed up to a 30 day online Live Alcohol Experiment program with This Naked Mind and nominated July 1 as my starting date. And then 55 days later I was thrown the biggest curveball of my life when I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 46.

In the first two weeks after the diagnosis, the intensity of the trauma caused me to feel vulnerable and the thought of having a drink to numb the pain crossed my mind. I hadn’t dealt with any challenges or trauma in my adult life without using alcohol. How was I going to get through this without it?

‘When your mortality is suddenly put under the spotlight
you want to savour each and every moment. It is the ordinary,
simple moments in life that are magical’

One of my initial responses to the diagnosis was to research as much information about breast cancer as I could. This led me to question the role that alcohol had played in my life and whether there was a link to increased breast cancer risk.

I was shocked at what I discovered. There were over 100 studies that absolutely showed a direct link between alcohol consumption and increased breast cancer risk. I felt uneasy and frustrated that I had never come across this information and wondered why there wasn’t a more publicly visible health campaign about this issue given breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in Australia and affects over 20,000 people every year.

As I continued to work through my cancer treatment and recovery, I felt empowered by the choice to reduce my risk of the cancer returning by continuing an alcohol-free lifestyle.

The experience of breast cancer made me realise that it is the ordinary, simple moments in life that are magical. When your mortality is suddenly put under the spotlight you want to savour each and every moment. Alcohol and drinking take you away from being present in these moments and it was here that I found freedom and a deep sense of gratitude for knowing that my choice to be alcohol free gifted me a greater presence in the fabric of life.

Watch Kath’s full story on Hangouts with Hello Sunday Morning.

August 2022 will mark three years since my diagnosis, and I have no doubt the alcohol-free life I am committed to has provided me with the freedom to rebuild confidence in my health and the opportunity to support others. I spent 6 months last year training to become an alcohol coach and now support men and women who identify as binge drinkers to help breakthrough unhealthy and destructive patterns of drinking. I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate 1,000 days of alcohol-free living than coaching and supporting others.

Kath Elliott is a breast cancer survivor who is passionate about raising awareness around the direct links between alcohol consumption and increased breast cancer risk. Kath works as an alcohol coach and has developed a range of body products called My Breast Friend that promote breast cancer awareness. To learn more please follow Kath @mybreastfriendaus. Kath is now over 1,000 days into her alcohol-free journey and believes that this helped her stay present and more grateful for the life that she has.

As I wrote this, I am 389 alcohol-free (second time round), I did 402 days AF in 2018 then decided I could moderate.

How wrong was I…? lol

My love of alcohol started very young, I had my first big drinking session at 13 years old and blacked out first time, you would think that would have turned me off, and I so wish this was the case. But alas no, I would become one hell of a wild party girl who despite having children very young (pregnancies and young children were the only time I did not drink) I would always be known as the life of the party.

I was able to balance family life and career, but geez… I could party, I would black out regularly not even knowing how I got home or what I did.

When I think back, I am amazed that I am still here, I put myself in the most dangerous situations on so many occasions.

My 20s and 30s revolved around parenting, career, and drinking. When I separated, I had every second weekend free where I kept my party lifestyle going strong. Days off work due to hangovers were the norm as was blacking out and having major anxiety due to embarrassing myself. This is how I functioned for many, many years.

Fast forward to 2017, I was in my late forties, I had 2 grown up children, 4 beautiful grandchildren and my teenage daughter from my second marriage. I was managing a childcare centre and living life telling myself my drinking was normal and that I did not have a problem.

My son, who was 25 at the time, along with his family, were living with me and my teenage daughter in a regional town in QLD. One day, I had been at the rugby union with a friend where the alcohol was free, I got dropped off home very merry and joined my son in some more drinks. I do not remember much after this until I heard sirens behind us, that’s when I became present again. It was late, and my son was driving, he only had a learner licence at the time, we stopped, got out and both blew high range. We were placed in separate police cars (due to our toxification levels, we were both carrying on like idiots) and taken to the local watch house where we were placed in separate cells for the night.

When we were woken up by the police in the morning, they reminded us of our arrest details, and we were given our court dates. I was then suspended from driving, effective immediately. No surprise there after a reading of nearly legally dead… The shame, humiliation, let alone the hangover from hell. We were both put into the back of the paddy wagon and were driven home to our distressed family. My teenage daughter was disgusted with me and immediately went to a friend’s place for a few days. I went to bed where I stayed for the next 24 hours, never wanting to get up.

My shame and remorse are still with me to this day,
but I am slowly forgiving myself.

I lost my licence for 14 months and was fined $2000. I was spared a conviction as this was the first time I had been in any kind of trouble – a conviction would have lost me my job. I was grateful to the judge for this.

I could not talk about it without crying for nearly a year. My shame and remorse are still with me to this day, but I am slowly forgiving myself.

The week after the arrest, I attended an AA meeting where there were only three of us. They were studying the Big Book, and this was not for me. I would start my days, for the next 10 months, telling myself that I will not drink tonight but would end up heading (walking) to the bottle shop on my way home. The mind games were ongoing and exhausting.

I came across Sexy Sobriety on Facebook and asked my sister to buy me the book titled A Happier Hour by Rebecca Weller for my birthday. This book changed my life, it was like reading my own story. This book gave me the resources to set a date and finally commit to having a break from the drink, my plan was to stop for 3 months.

I downloaded the app, Daybreak which has been one of my most used tools in my alcohol free (AF) journey. I read heaps of books and after getting to three months I decided to keep going. My health improved dramatically (I think all the walking also helped) to the point where I did not need medication for high blood pressure anymore. I felt amazing, I changed my career, my daughter forgave me, and life was pretty good.

I was so in the mindset of: ‘I will never drink again’ then BOOM!. After 400 days, out of nowhere, my mind changed to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely – after this long moderate, not lose the plot’. I did moderate for a few months but then I was slowly ending up blacking out and having benders again. The difference this time was that the hangovers were so much worse than last time. I was getting extremely intoxicated on a minimal amount of alcohol, my body was rejecting the poison big time.

My mindset changed from:
‘I will never drink again
to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely –
after this long moderate, not lose the plot’.
How wrong was I?

I knew that I needed to stop. I had one attempt, where I stopped for 21 days but it did not stick, it was so hard to start at day 1 again.

Last year I set my start date as the 1st of February but because of being so hungover on the 31st of January, that became my day 1. I got back on Daybreak and started doing the work to change my mindset again.

I love living life AF, I have my health back again and I know today that I will not drink. I am sharing part of my story to help my healing as well as to let others know it is possible to change your relationship with alcohol.

Love to all,

Shell xx