Many aspire, few attain – but it’s never too late to change

Most people give up their new year’s resolution within the first month of the year. This is not a surprise for us in 2022, given the rocky start we’ve had and how painfully similar to our last two years it has been. Life is already full of surprises even without a pandemic. 

As good as our intentions may be, our goals and resolutions can turn against us if we align them too close to our own self-worth. Unfortunately failure and relapse are often viewed as negative. And when our first attempt to make positive change in our life is met with a defeat, our tendencies are often to give in to alcohol and give up our goals completely.

Before throwing in the towel to sobriety, why not give your goals a second chance? Perhaps changing your mindset on failure and relapses, or coming up with new strategies and learning to forgive yourself, will help you get back on track.

Changing your perspective on failure

According to Amy C. Edmondson at Harvard Business Review on  Strategies for learning from failures, from a young age, we are conditioned to believe that admitting failure means to take the blame. Amy believes that the link between fail and fault is closely related in most business and culture. Of course a project failure and a relapse are two different things. We could see, however, that the mindset of seeing failure and dealing with our slip-ups are similar, when it comes to changing our relationship with alcohol.

Certain words can have a stigma around them and ‘fail’ is no doubt one of them. It might take a while for our society and culture to shift their negative projection around failure, but we can start viewing it as it is: a learning curve.

Make good use of our learning curve

As uncomfortable as it is, revisiting our relapses can give us a lot of insight around our drinking habits that we would overlook if we hadn’t experienced the slip-up. So take some time to revisit your journey so far, even if it was only a few sober days in a row. Write down things that work and don’t work. Where possible, doing it with someone with whom you feel safe, and trust, could help give a fair perspective in both giving honest feedback on areas to improve and in exposing some unhelpful self-critics. 

Let’s get back into the saddle

Once reflection on recent lapses is done, you can now move towards getting back on track with your New Year’s resolutions. Here are some ways to get back up and running again:

  • Acknowledge that changing is hard Any type of change towards a positive shift is difficult. To borrow Fauja Singh’s quote: ‘Anything worth doing is going to be difficult’. Take a deep breath and acknowledge the difficulties that come with changing, but also commend yourself for taking a brave step into a healthier lifestyle. If you find quitting drinking is challenging, you are not alone. Join a sobriety group on Facebook or an anonymous platform such as our Daybreak app.

 

  • Revisit your commitment and resolution It’s time to be honest with your own resolution. Reassess your commitment and your readiness to change, is your goal unrealistic? Is the time frame reasonable? Some helpful approaches for re-setting goals are: S.M.A.R.T (to keep you accountable), Reach goal (goal that moves and motivates you) and H.A.R.D goal (mindset focus)

 

  • Dedicate time Most goals fail because there is not enough time dedicated to them. Set up a schedule to do whatever is needed in making sure your goal is on track – whether taking some time to plan the weekends without alcohol, journaling progresses and key learnings, researching for replacement behaviours or simply celebrating little wins.

 

  • Be prepared for what you will lose along the way When you decide to give up alcohol, there will be experiences and connections you will miss out on as a result of that – like the annual wine tasting trip traditions with friends, or the invites to check out the latest hip underground clubs and bars. When these are expected and you come to terms with it, the loss – although it is still hard, won’t catch you by surprise. After you’ve considered the cost and made peace, shift your focus toward what you will gain from changing your relationship with alcohol. Read more about sitting with the grief of change.

 

  • Be patient with yourself  Osher Günsberg reflected on his sobriety journey, ‘I haven’t had a drink since March, 14th 2010. And this is what I would tell anybody; it truly, really is: a day at a time. Sometimes, half a day at a time. Sometimes, an hour at a time, and sometimes, five minutes at a time.’  Changing your relationship with alcohol will take time, but you are making the right steps already. Be patient with your progress.

 

  • Plan for a rainy day  Here is where you can apply those key learnings from setbacks. Understanding your weaknesses through the recent relapse and applying the learnings will help you prepare for some difficult days ahead. 

Today is not over yet ’ – Alexandra Franzen

No matter how bad or messy the start is, it’s never too late to change how the rest of our day will be like. What we love about this quote by Alexandra Franzen is that it works for any time of the day. Whether it is 10 am or at 11.59 pm, today is not over and it’s not too late to make that change. 

And this year is certainly far from over!

At Hello Sunday morning, we recognise there are many layers of complexity when it comes to alcohol dependency. If you have been drinking alcohol heavily for a long period of time, you should contact your GP to speak about your plan to quit drinking. You should also seek immediate medical attention if you are already experiencing any of the following symptoms.

Congratulations on taking steps to change your relationship with alcohol! Whether you found it easier than expected, encountered some challenging moments, or experienced a few slip-ups with “just a few sips” (or more), transitioning back to your regular routine can be difficult once your public declaration of “I’m not drinking” or a specific event like Dry July has come to an end. It may feel like there’s less external support during this phase. At Hello Sunday Morning, we understand that changing any habit can be a challenging task. Taking a break from drinking alcohol requires courage and determination. Everyone has a unique experience when trying to change their drinking habits. Some may find it easier than expected, while others are surprised by the amount of effort required in the early days. The best thing to remember is that you’re not alone and that the journey you are on has been walked by many before you. 

After reaching a goal or milestone, it is common to reach a point where you ask, “Now what?. After a few weeks or months of not drinking, many people experience another decision point. “Do I keep going or go back and try and moderate my alcohol intake?”  It can be difficult to know how to make this decision. Painful memories of past drinking events are not as fresh in the mind anymore, and it is normal to forget the reasons for wanting to make changes in the first place. Several fears can come up around this time... like the fear of ‘missing out’ on fun, or the fear of not being able to connect with others, or even fears about telling others that you’re not drinking for a longer period of time.’  Another common fear is the fear of simply not having alcohol at all in your life.   

 

Here at Hello Sunday Morning, we've prepared five tips to help you navigate this decision point and assess where you are at with your relationship with alcohol.

1. Congratulate yourself and keep an open mindset

At this stage, you’ve most likely had some alcohol-free time under your belt and already taken the first step in wanting to change your relationship with alcohol and priorities a healthier lifestyle. Give yourself a pat on the back for this significant achievement! 

You’ve proven to yourself that you have the determination and willpower to stick to your goals. By taking a break from alcohol, you’ve not only experienced the benefits to your liver, mental well-being, and overall health, but you’ve also shown that you’re capable of making positive changes in your life. 

2. Make a note of the positive changes you experienced

Take the time to be truly present and mindful of your experience. Notice the subtle shifts and changes that have been happening within you. 

  • To wake up without a hangover 
  • To remember everything you did the night before 
  • To have that extra cash in your wallet not spent on late-night Ubers, expensive rounds at the bar, and greasy hangover food 
  • To have more time up your sleeve 
  • To go to the social event sober… and survive 
  • To come home from work and not reach for that glass or bottle of alcohol 

If you can do it for a month, can you do it for longer? 

Remember, this is a time for observation without judgment. Simply notice and reflect on these aspects, considering how they align with the life you envision for yourself. 

3. Assess your relationship with alcohol

Think about the what, why, when, and how of your drinking. How much do you normally drink in a week? Three glasses a day is 21 a week, or more than a thousand a year. And the glasses you pour yourself are probably bigger than the ‘standard drinks’ used to measure health effects and long-term harms. Do you drink because it’s fun and enjoyable? Or because of habit and routine? Or because ‘everyone else around you is‘? If you’re drinking to manage stress, anxiety, or a bad day, what feelings come up for you when you want to reach for a drink? What situations trigger cravings? Often, the answers to these questions help you figure out whether or not to keep going with your alcohol-free goals. 

4. Empowering Self-Talk

Once you have assessed your relationship with alcohol, it’s then time to support yourself to continue making changes. In the recovery community, there are numerous empowering phrases that are widely shared for a reason—they genuinely make a difference. On challenging days, harness the power of these phrases to cultivate a positive mindset: 

  • One day at a time 
  • Just for today 
  • Do the next right thing 
  • I got this! I can do this! 
  • Nothing worth having comes easy 

Above all, remember to be compassionate towards yourself! Transforming habits can be difficult, especially in the early stages. Offer yourself kindness and understanding as you navigate this journey of change. Remember that progress is not always linear, and setbacks are natural.  View any slip-ups as learning experiences. 

5. Don't underestimate the power of support. Find your community!

When it comes to quitting or reducing alcohol, having a strong support system can make all the difference. Share your journey with your friends and family, as their support can be invaluable. 

Additionally, consider connecting with others who are on a similar path. The Daybreak app community is a fantastic resource to find like-minded individuals and receive the support you need. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out, connect, and let the support uplift you. 

We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. To find out more about how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.
Ok