hellosundaymorning Archives | Hello Sunday Morning

How often have you sculled a delicious beverage? Or scoffed down a tasty meal without even thinking about how the food was prepared or how the flavours complement each other?

What we are forgetting to do when we follow this behaviour is savour. Even moving away from the experience of food, sometimes we’re so preoccupied thinking about what to do after a beach walk that we forget to watch the waves, listen to the sea gulls and really feel the sand between our toes.

While savouring involves pleasure, it is in fact more than that. It involves mindfulness and “conscious attention to the experience of pleasure”. When we are more aware, we notice and acknowledge pleasure., whether that be through feelings and emotions or through a stimulation of our senses. What this allows us to do is filter out distractions, and become awed by being in the world.

The savouring experience

Ever experienced a moment that you will never forget? This is savouring! When we reflect back on a treasured moment, often we can remember exactly what we were wearing, the smell in the air and the temperature outside because our minds took a mental photograph and we savoured a memory.

Practicing savouring is practicing mindfulness

Often we don’t find satisfaction from mindlessly doing. We can appreciate something more when we take the time to savour the thing and therefore experience a deeper level of gratitude.

Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the greatest mindfulness zen masters of our time, teaches us that “Each minute we spend worrying about the future and regretting the past is a minute we miss in our appointment with life – a missed opportunity to engage life and to see that each moment gives us the chance to change for the better, to experience peace and joy.”
And like most things, it’s a practice

The health benefits of savouring

And if you weren’t already convinced, savouring is actually good for your health! For example, positive psychologists have found that savouring is protective against depression, while dieticians have found savouring food is both better for digestion and an excellent way to keep that bikini bod in shape.

So what can I learn to savour?

Often when we think of savouring, we think: wine. Sommeliers and amateur wine tasters are good examples of people who practice savouring.

But as we’ve already mentioned, almost everything can be savoured. Bread can be savoured. The moment can be savoured. Even places can be savoured. So now we’ll consider how you can learn to savour what is lauded as the best drink of the day: tea.

Next to water, tea is the most widely consumed beverage in the world. Although we often refer to the long history of alcohol in human society, tea is another substance that can compare in terms of cultural significance.

We have a few ideas to get you on your way to becoming a tea connoisseur by practicing the art of savouring:

How to savour tea

Perform a tea ritual, where the process is not about actually drinking the tea but all about preparing and serving.

Do an at-home tea tasting and see if you can guess between a cuppa of Oolong or Matcha.
Head to a tea festival.
Experiment with tea and food pairings.
Have some ‘me’ time and put the kettle on before picking up a good book and crashing on the couch.
Learn to read tea leaves to predict the future.
Master the craft of brewing the perfect cup of tea.

The best thing about savouring?

You can do it whenever, wherever. And if you happen to be around Sydney in October and want to put your new skills to the test, sink your teeth into Sydney’s Good Food Month and savour the flavours.

When we think of holidays we usually think of sipping Pina Coladas on the beach somewhere exotic, feeling guilt free for doing absolutely nothing but enjoying some sweet, sweet chill time.

We tend to splurge on fancy accommodation, shopping sprees, food, and for many: plenty of booze to celebrate taking some time out. But what if there were a way to find balance on your holiday? Bring it back to why you’re there in the first place. To unwind? To explore a new place and create experiences?

But why should I lay off the alcohol while on holiday?

Balancing alcohol and travel is possible! And in fact, it is a great way to get the most out of your holiday experience. Here is why you should give it a go:

Holidaying sober means there will be nights you will remember and memories you won’t forget.
You’ll make the early morning pick up in the lobby for a tour you’ve booked and paid for months in advance.
You won’t crave greasy, fast food from overpriced tourist joints all day.
Wake up feeling fresh to get outdoors and explore.
You’ll meet people and make relationships not based on the sharing of tequila shots but on the sharing of stories.

You don’t have to be a ‘booze traveler’! Okay to this all sounds great. But there is one destination most people would completely rule out as a sober holiday…Vegas! We believe you can do Vegas sober and actually have an excellent time!

How to do Vegas sober

Viva Las Vegas, the Holy Grail of alcohol and ‘all you can eat’ buffets.

You may think there’s not much else to do but party and gamble the days away, but Vegas is packed with activities one can enjoy without alcohol.

Check out fun things to do around Sin City (Sober)

There are loads fantastic things to do in Vegas, you just need to do your research! Enjoy all kinds of world famous entertainment from magic shows to burlesque dancing. Enjoy the bright, flashing Vegas strip from rooftop terraces or create a mocktail tour of the grandest hotel pool bars.

See the natural surrounds: get active

Not only is Vegas notorious for strip shows but also the surrounding natural environment.

To keep your figure in shape and deter you from the minibar, there are tons of adventures offered for those who like to stay active while on holiday. Hike one of the many trails or go on a sunrise balloon ride over Grand Canyon, book a driving experience on a vegas race track (wouldn’t want to try that one hungover) or kayak the Hoover Dam. Bonus Active Holiday Tip: While it’s great to have a break from wearing active wear when travelling, wearing exercise clothes really is practical for most activities (and doesn’t take up much room in the suitcase). You can wear your sneakers and tights on the plane, for morning walks and to and from hotel facilities.

For those after something a little more relaxing, why not treat yo’ self!

Check out some of the best day spa’s on the Strip:

Pretty much, if you can do Vegas sober, you can do anywhere sober. Sticking to a balanced holiday will mean you won’t overdo it. Viva Las Vegas!

Last Sunday one of our amazing Hello Sunday Morning members, Ruby, totally smashed the Blackmore’s Sydney Marathon. But I know many of us are thinking, “Gym? Who’s Jim?” And boy, do I know that sentiment. When it’s been so long since you’ve exercised, all fitness related terms begin to sound like a foreign language. But you’ve tried to hop back onto the exercise bandwagon. We’ve all tried. The thing is, the routine just doesn’t stick. Or at least it hasn’t, yet.

So how do you start and maintain an exercise routine? We have some ideas.

How to start and maintain an exercise routine

Prepare

Although it can be tempting to write this off as no big deal, starting a fitness routine can be a genuinely tough task. In fact, it doesn’t hurt to talk to your Doctor about your plan to start exercising, especially if you haven’t exercised in a while and/or have other health concerns. If that’s not for you, jump ahead and start making yourself a fitness plan.

One of the biggest mistakes that we make is not setting appropriate goals when we plan our exercise routines. Have you heard of the SMART criteria for how to create good goals? What this means in terms of exercise goals is that they need to be targeted, show measurable progress, and be realistic.

The key word here is realistic. Many of us jump the gun when creating these sorts of goals. Expecting yourself to run five kilometres every day, right off the bat, is a great ambition –– but not a realistic goal. So take it easy and ditch the all-or-nothing frame of mind. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

Everyone’s realistic goal will look different. Maybe when you’re a week in, the plan is to go for a run three times a week. At this stage, your indicator of success may simply be: did you get out the door? You might’ve walked the whole way, but as long as you got out of the house when you intended to, you checked off the box.

Further down the track, when you’re more comfortable with your three-day-a-week walk/run, you might set the intention to run for 30 minutes on each occasion without taking a break. Maybe you could start adding other activities to your routine, like resistance training. Perhaps throw in a longer run on the occasional Sunday. Soon enough it will be like brushing your teeth – a healthy habit.

Mix it up and see what works

Try different activities

Usually, when we think of the word ‘exercise’, we imagine either toned people cheerfully running in the sunshine, or Schwarzenegger’s figure pumping iron at the gym.

But you’ll be happy to hear that there are so many other activities that count as exercise. Rock climbing, Zumba, yoga, team sport, parkour, dancing – the list goes on (and on, and on …).

You could even try one of those workout plans that everyone’s always raving about at the water cooler. Typically these provide you with an interesting and specific exercise routine, access to a community of fellow exercise-ees, and sometimes even a nutrition plan. Kayla Itsines, we’re looking at you.

Try exercising at different times of the day

Morning workouts

Some people try exercising in the morning and it becomes their everything. And it’s true: this is a great way to start the day, giving you the energy and headspace you need to kickstart your morning.

Here are a few tips if you’re planning on giving the morning workout a go:

Lay out your workout clothes the night before;
Plan the workout you’ll be doing. If you’re going to a class in the morning, book it in. If you’re doing your own thing, maybe consider roping a friend along to hold you accountable;
Set an alarm: don’t snooze. As soon as the alarm goes off, that’s it. No second guessing. You’re up. Dressed. Out the door.

P.S. a secondary tip here: keep your alarm away from your bed so you actually have to get up to turn it off.

If you’re anything like me, with a tendency to remain half-asleep for at least an hour after rousing, consider writing yourself a morning to-do list. Brush teeth, water plants, drink coffee. check, check, check.

Evening workouts

For those of you who groan at just the thought of waking up to see the sun rise, there is always the trusty old evening workout. This is actually an excellent way to de-stress at the end of the day. Plus, there is the obvious benefit of getting to snooze a little longer in the morning. Pack your exercise gear with you when you leave in the morning for work. The key thing to remember here is that if you go home before exercising, you’ll probably just end up eating a snack on the couch. (It’s okay, we’ve all been there!) Again, classes are a great idea in the evenings.

It all just depends on how you roll.

You’ll figure out what exercise time is best for you.

Try exercising both alone and with others

Solo work-outs mean you get time and space for yourself. It means that you can work at the level that best suits you and really absorb yourself in the exercise task.

On the other hand, exercising with others also has its benefits. Primarily, you’re held accountable for turning up. If you’ve promised your mates you’ll turn up on Sunday morning for a doubles tennis match––unless you want to be “that guy”––you know you’re going to go.

Eliminate excuses

If you’re serious about this, eliminating excuses should become your priority.

At least at first. Once exercise is a part of your routine, you can begin to work your life around your fitness schedule.

But the biggest excuse we tend to pull out of our back pockets is time. The thing to remember is,no one has time to exercise. Not even those people who do exercise regularly. You have to make time to exercise.

Plus, there is evidence to suggest that if you exercise in the right way, you might not even need to invest much time at all.

Other excuses might include:

“I don’t have access to a gym,” to which we say, there are plenty of workouts you can do outside of a gym.

“I don’t have a babysitter,” in which case we suggest ways to get fit with kids in tow.

Even, “I actually just hate exercise” simply means talk therapy might help.

The list of exercise excuses is neverending. But if you look hard enough there’s a reasonable counterpoint to each one of them. Eliminate excuses and you’re halfway there.

You don’t need to become an Exercise Person

You definitely know who I am talking about when I describe Exercise People. These people are persistently posting health food and fitness photos on Instagram, and invariably touting activewear at all times, even when they’re not actually exercising.

But, really, you don’t need to become an Exercise Person (i.e. change everything about yourself) when you begin to exercise regularly. Just because you brush your teeth every day doesn’t mean you’re “super into dental hygiene,” although that’s probably a good thing if you happen to be. Think of exercise in this way: it’s just another part of your average day.

Get to it

Our final piece of advice? Frankly, now’s the time to just stop thinking and start exercising. So hop–step into your sneakers and grab some H20 on your way out the door, because it is time to get physical! Don’t forget to applaud yourself for every workout. And voilà! You’re on your way to starting and maintaining an exercise routine.

Summer these days is the time for some serious music festival hopping. Sunshine, friends and good music. What’s not to love?

But festivals are beginning to acquire a bad rep.

They’re sweaty, expensive and exhausting. In fact, it’s not a stretch to consider the similarities between attending a festival and the experience of a hangover. Which is to say, they can both be the actual worst.

But what to do when, despite those inconvenient truths, you still long to turn up starry eyed for your golden performers? Whether you’re rocking this event sober or not, we have some tips for you to have the best summer festival season yet.

How to have the best music festival experience

Shred for stereo

Just kidding. But prepping for a festival physically will probably improve your experience of it. Don’t worry, that doesn’t necessarily mean actually getting fitter! But more along the lines of making sure you’re hydrated, sleeping well the night before, and having a good meal before the event.

If you’re camping out at a festival, sleeping well could prove a little trickier. But there are things you can do to improve the chances of having a good sleep, which is why you should check out these tips for camping at a festival.

When it comes to food, festival meal options are often meagre, and usually gut-wrenchingly expensive. The solution to this problem: snacks. Trail mix, muesli bars and lollies are simple and delicious ways to beat the tummy grumbles without breaking the bank.

Be pragmatic, people! Sunscreen. Water. Snacks. These things seem like no big deal now, but on the day they will *literally* feel like life-savers.

Planning and prioritising

Sigh. Does it sound like we’re turning a fun event into an organisational chore? It really doesn’t have to be! I mean, you probably do this stuff already, but make sure you check out the festival program beforehand.

Does this sound familiar?

“Gah! CC the Cat and the Tinpan Orange are on at the same time‽”

We hate to break it to you, but sometimes, you need to compromise. Prioritise.

Who are you attending the festival with? What’s their taste in music? You’ve got to consider these things before selecting your fam! Maybe even discuss your game plan together before heading in. Goooo team!

Take what you need

You know that feeling, when you’ve been battling it out in the scorching heat for eight hours, and as the sun goes down you begin to feel yourself slow down. Woah. Now you’re feeling it in your bones. This isn’t tiring. It’s bloody exhausting.

A couple of points here. If you feel miserable standing in a mosh pit to get the best spot for an act that is starting in three hours, you don’t have to do it. Isn’t the sole point of this experience to have fun? I mean, don’t get me wrong – I totally get you. I have been there, and will be again. There is some part of our overstimulated, overtired brains at that point in the day that says, “stay, it will be totally worth it!” And it might, but it also might not. I guess it’s a form of FOMO.

Chilling a little further from the stage, near some pals and owning some dancing space – this battle plan is often far more enjoyable.

Taking it further, if you’ve had enough of the event, that’s also cool. There is sometimes a bizarre but powerful force of social energy that keeps us sticking around. But just know that you can bail if you want to. Take what you need from the experience, and then, if you want to, leave.

So think about what you need. Pack your bag (light). And get ready for festival season: we’ve got some exciting Sunday mornings to say “hello” to.

Gemma O’Brien recently talked to us about her ambition to pursue mastery in her work. Something she touched on was the fact that mastering a skill is not, as it might initially seem, about achievement. Rather, it boils down to the experience of mastery itself.

What is mastery?

What does it mean to have mastered something? Does it mean to be proficient? To be skillful? And is mastery the same as success?

In a popular TED talk, Sarah Lewis suggests that mastery is, in fact, different to success. She explains that success is a time-bound event, something the world tells us we have achieved. Whereas mastery is something that comes from within, it is a constant pursuit. Mastery is in the reaching and not in the arriving. It is in “constantly wanting to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be,” says Sarah.

Why is mastery important?

Psychologists have been talking about mastery for a number of years now. In fact, mastery is considered one of the six components that make up ‘psychological well being’. So really, experiencing mastery is an important part of living a comfortable, happy and healthy life. This is evident in the fact that the concept of mastery turns up everywhere in the study of human behaviour.

Self efficacy

We’ve mentioned Self efficacy previously on this blog, but essentially, it refers to your belief in your ability to do a task. And experiencing mastery, as it turns out, is one of the ways that we can develop our self-efficacy beliefs. So experience mastery and you’ll improve your belief in your own capabilities, which in turn, will objectively improve your performance in a task.

Flow

Ah, this is a personal favourite. First of all, what is flow? Flow is a term coined by happiness psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, and refers to a state of complete immersion in an activity. It has been suggested that flow is actually the true nature of happiness. We typically experience flow when we are in the pursuit of, you guessed it, mastery.

What is cool about flow is that it suggests that doing the tasks we do, as in the process of doing it specifically, is intrinsically rewarding. Think of a time when you’ve been so absorbed in a task- reading a book, playing a game of chess, being ‘in the zone’ during a tough game of tennis, this is all flow. Csikszentmihalyi suggests that while it is great to finish the book/chess game/tennis match, true satisfaction will come from the process itself.

And the best flow experiences? These occur when the task you’re tackling is at the optimal level of difficulty, when you’re striving to improve and learn and grow, when you’re in pursuit of mastery.

Learning

Research into mastery is changing the way we go about learning and teaching in all domains of our lives. What we have found is that learning is not about competence, but rather about aspiring to master something. Students focused on learning and improvement, whose goals are to master a task, rather than those whose goals are to perform well at a task in comparison to others, have far better long term outcomes.

What can be mastered?

Mastery can be experienced in almost any area. For example, American chef Julia Child, who has been credited as a culinary virtuoso, experienced mastery in the world of baking, broiling and simmering.

Gemma O’Brien, artist, typographer and generally all-round cool cat, similarly experiences mastery though her work. In an interview we had with her recently, she describes how, after discovering her passion for design, she found herself in pursuit of creating things she feels personally satisfied with. “Knowing deep down that what I am creating is somehow pushing myself further,” as opposed to feedback from other people, is what Gemma believes gives her the most purpose in her work.

Now. How do you go about experiencing mastery? We reckon you can do it in four steps.

Experience mastery in four steps:

1. Do lots of things

Get out there. Have you always wanted to surf? Write? Sing? Go do it. Or otherwise, consider something you’re already doing. Do you make enough time for these activities? It’s not just hobbies, it could be work. It could be becoming a better listener. Anything that doesn’t really have a ceiling. But do it.

2. Find the thing you love

If you do enough things, and really give them your all, you will find the thing(s) you love. They mightn’t be the things you are best at. This is not about talent. But you’ll feel your brain fire as you work at this task. Something keeps drawing you back. Makes you feel curious and interested, energised and excited. Maybe this thing will help define your life purpose, something we discussed in a previous blog post, or maybe it will simply be something that is right for you in this moment.

3. Practice

The most crucial part of experiencing mastery is practice. As we mentioned above, mastery is not about success. It is not about doing well in something, and moving on from it. It is about the persistent and unrelenting drive to learn and grow from our experiences.

It can be difficult to frame things in this way, we are generally taught from a young age to work at something until we can check off that we have done it, and then move on. But consider again your motivations for doing the task. If you are intrinsically driven, you will find it easier to (even difficult not to) practice, practice and practice.

4. Enjoy the process

Take it back to what we mentioned above about Csikszentmihalyi’s Flow theory. This is about the process, not about the outcome. As much as we are taught to focus on grades and likes and pats on the back, these things do not lead to long term satisfaction. So focus on the fun and on the challenge. In this way, mastery is the secret to happiness. Do it for the process. #Doitfortheprocess.

So it’s Friday night and you get a text from the guy/girl you’ve recently given your number to. ‘Would u like to go out for a drink’ asks your charming suitor. But you’re not so sure. You’d love to hang out with him/her, but you’re now questioning whether this drinking and dating business is all it’s sought out to be. Maybe you don’t drink at all. Or maybe you are just taking a booze break for the moment.

Where to go from here?

Dating without drinking is hard. How do you quell the pre-date jitters that will inevitably encroach? What if your date is a drinker and feels uncomfortable? We’ve considered these issues and have a few pointers about how you can date sober, and have a great time while you’re at it.

Dating without alcohol

1. How to meet people when you’re dating sober?

Short answer: Tinder

Let’s be honest, Tinder has changed the way we date forever. The simple fact that you don’t need to ‘head out’ to meet people, cramped in a musty, boisterous bar, is game changing. And we’re not the only ones interested in the cultural phenomenon that is Tinder. The app is now so firmly embedded in the zeitgeist that there is both a song dedicated to it and a film being written about it. And if Tinder is not your flavour, there’s Match.com, okcupid, Happn and a plethora of other matchmaking technologies to try out. As superficial or awkward it might feel at first, these dating apps provide you a chance to meet people you wouldn’t have otherwise come across, say, at a bar. As this blog describes, Tinder presents a microcosm of what happens in the real offline dating world.

But honestly, almost anywhere else

Have you ever eyed someone that strikes your fancy while in line at the grocery store? Or when you’re on the train or at the gym. The thing is, when you start dating without alcohol you realise that you’re almost always on your A-game. Yes, it takes guts. But you’ve got them! Just go for it.

2. What to do on a date besides go out for drinks?

While the default date might be drinks, there are actually a ton of other options to consider. The classic alternatives are of course coffee/dinner dates. Good standard date fare, you know more or less what to expect. But if you want to think outside the box, some options could include a visit to the museum, hiking, a peruse at the farmers markets or live music. Another good idea is to check out if there is anything interesting happening in your town like sporting events or film festivals.

Another date activity which seems to be gaining a bit of popularity is the active date. Whether it is rock climbing or dancing that tickles your fancy, active dates bring the goods by helping you get to know each other better. Plus there might be some advantages to getting your heart rate up when you’re courting as per the Misattribution theory of arousal. The idea is that your brain mistakenly attributes your increased heart rate to the physiological responses elicited by the body’s erm…arousal response, and as a result, both of you are more likely to find each other attractive.

3. How to deal with date nerves when you’re not drinking?

Who doesn’t feel jittery before an exciting rendezvous? Not using alcohol to quell these nerves can feel daunting. A couple of things you can give a whirl instead:

Relax

This may seem obvious but it is easier said than done. Figure out what works for you. Write or talk about your anxiety, maybe call a friend. Take a few deep breaths and try to get out of your own head.

Be comfortable

Wear what makes you feel the most comfortable (although maybe cover the basics like wearing shoes and having a shower) and schedule at a time that actually works for you. Some people like heading out straight after work so they don’t have time to dwell on their jitters, whereas others like to have some time to themselves beforehand.

Nerves can be good!

Your nerves could very well be indicating that there is something there. That is, chemistry. Alcohol typically dulls our sensory and emotional experience so without it we’re open to the raucous disarray of emotions that warp us when we’re under the spell of a potential new love. Of course, that doesn’t make the experience any easier, but try to reframe the experience in a way that embraces these jitters!

Go in with an open mind

Your date will probably be just as nervous as you. Plus, remember that you can’t control everything, it’s probable that throughout your lifetime you’ll have to sit through the good the bad and the ugly when it comes to dating. And the best part is that you’ll be learning about yourself all the way through . Of course that’s not to say it will go poorly! So maybe just imagine you’re going to see a mate to have a fun evening and approach the experience with an open mind.

4. How to date drinkers when you’re dating sober?

First of all, consider why you are dating this person in the first place? If you have similar interests or values, then whether or not you’re drinking likely won’t be a concern. But it can feel uncomfortable at first. Try to consider it from their point of view too. What is it like for them to date someone who isn’t drinking?

At the end of the day, if your date is not comfortable with you declining a drink, you may want to reconsider whether you really want to spend time with them. Because, what dating sober does, is allow you the clarity of mind and sensory sensitivity to more realistically perceive the chemistry between you.

Plus if you’re in the early stages of seeing someone, know that, while it helps to be honest, you don’t owe anyone your life story or the reasons why you’re not having a drink.

And on top of all of that, you may actually open their eyes to a world of non-alcohol related possibilities. They might just love you for that.

“I was met with a lot of doubt and a lot of resistance,” Maz Compton told us last week, as she reflected on the reactions that others had when she changed her relationship with alcohol.

We often hear about the difficulties that the Hello Sunday Morning community come across when they decide to take a new look at their relationship with alcohol. The loudest of these rumblings seem to come from the same place: other people. Namely, other people’s reactions to your decision to change your drinking habits.

We’ve considered a few things you can try to tackle this doubt head-on and stay on course.

Tackle doubt

Doubt is a slippery thing. It can begin to encroach from all angles of our social circles, arising from co-workers, family, and even from our closest friends. Often others’ doubt of our ability to succeed starts to bleed into our own confidence levels, stirring baneful self-doubt within us.

Use others’ doubt to your advantage

Our advice here is to take a leaf from Maz’s book, and use others’ doubt as motivation.

In this popular YouTube video, the narrator expresses that their most powerful motivation comes from people who told them they couldn’t do something. Because when they were told they couldn’t do it, they were bound and determined to show their doubters that they could. Use that power to prove others wrong.

This also highlights an important point about control, or rather the lack thereof, which we have over other people and their personal beliefs. Instead of focusing on what others are thinking or doing, focus on what you can control, your own thoughts and your own behaviour.

You gotta have faith

The best way to focus on things within your control? Channel George Michael and keep faith that you’ve got this. And we mean really, truly believe. As the uncontested Queen of reinvention, Oprah, proclaims, you ultimately become what you believe. And while this retains a twinge of psychobabble-self-help-guidance, the basic principles turn out to be empirically supported in the form of “self-efficacy.” Self-efficacy essentially refers to how much you believe you will succeed at a task and, interestingly, is associated with positive outcomes. That is, if you think you can succeed, you are, believe it or not, more likely to succeed. Cool, right?

Stay social

Now, we’re well aware that within most corners of contemporary society, the association between drinking and socialising remains pretty persistent. But just because you are taking a booze break or cutting back, does not mean you have to throw out your social calendar.

You’re cutting out alcohol, not friends. Wine, not dinner. Beer, not footy. You don’t want to fall into the trap of resenting your decision to improve your relationship with alcohol because you no longer do the things you love

Maintain your sense of self

You’re still the same person you always were. You are still fun. You are still capable of celebrating and being joyous. And while the decision not to drink does not define you, for most of us, our social interactions (do on some level) stand to shape our identities.

You’re cutting out alcohol, not friends. Wine, not dinner. Beer, not footy. You don’t want to fall into the trap of resenting your decision to improve your relationship with alcohol because you no longer do the things you love. Of course, that’s not to say that you need to become more extroverted and social than you naturally are. If you want to go out, go out. If you want to stay in, so be it.

Relationships might change

Still, we won’t sugarcoat it. Sometimes with a lifestyle change like this, the nature of our relationships also change. These changes could stem from you, or, from your social circles. Either way they are difficult. But you never know until you’re out in there in the social wilderness.

Know your audience

There are times when you will feel comfortable being honest to fellow party-goers, to whom you won’t need to provide any more of an explanation than, “I just don’t want to drink tonight.”

However, it is likely you’ll encounter certain situations during which you’ll feel far less comfortable with sobriety. Sometimes the pressure to drink (aka beer pressure) can be pretty overwhelming, and depending on your social environment can even feel hostile.

There are a couple of things you can do.

Play the part

Essentially, grab a booze-free bevy in a nice glass, and don’t bring it up. Chances are that people are most concerned with what’s in their own glass.

Locate comrades

At any social event, you will certainly not be the only non drinker. Others might have early mornings to wake up for, diets to maintain, children to attend to, cars to drive, or may be taking a break themselves. You could also find a sober buddy to accompany you on escapades out on the town. Sometimes it just helps to have another person by your side.

Empathise with your companions

The first step in understanding the people who are giving you a hard time, is to consider where they’re coming from. For example, it is possible they haven’t realised that the way they’re projecting doubt or pressure onto you is making you uncomfortable. Plus, it is entirely likely they themselves are assuming (along with the rest of the world) that we need alcohol in order to have fun, and their concern is actually whether you are having a good time.

That said, changing your relationship with alcohol is, in truth, difficult. Other people’s negativity and doubt does not make the process any easier. But at the end of the day, this is about your relationship with alcohol, not theirs. So do all you can to plan for and empower yourself in certain situations, and always put yourself first.

Historically, mind altering substances and music have gone together naturally. Alcohol in particular has such a ubiquitous presence at social events that in some of these contexts, it’s considered inconceivable to forgo drinking. So we’ve considered the challenge of going to a gig sober.

Okay, so it sounds like a great idea but what does it take to actually pull this off? Here we have some suggestions for how to go to a gig, or any other social event, as sober as judge, and have an excellent time while you’re at it.

Start small
Realistically, you just can’t go all-out at every gig

Some might find that heading to a local, smaller gig to start with is a good way to have a solid crack at going sober to a social event. Of course, it depends on the atmosphere, but smaller venues might provide a better environment to observe your comfort level. You might realise that without alcohol, you get tired sooner, or that you need something to do with your hands. Caffeine can help and so can a glass of tonic water. Start out small to figure out what you need and what works best for you.

2. Ask for support

Consider having a discussion with close friends or family about your decision to take on this challenge. Of course, this is easier said than done, but trust that genuine friends will want to look out for you. When Jezebel talked to author Sacha Scoblic about her book, Unwasted: my lush sobriety, one of the biggest takeaways was to talk to your friends. Scoblic suggests that your sobriety can benefit your friends, too, as you help them realise a new way of experiencing social events. You might even consider asking a mate to join in on being sober for the night. Think about the support you need to get through the evening, and then don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Plus, you can talk to the folks who are heading to the upcoming event with you. Are you feeling anxious? Excited? Either way, let them know how you feel about making this choice.

3. Look forward to the show

Go to something you actually want to see. Be it a small show at the local pub or a head-banging metal concert, whatever suits your fancy. But get excited! This way you’ll be able to try focus on the show itself as opposed to the drink you’d usually be downing.

Plus, alcohol’s depressant qualities kind of dull your senses. Without it, your eyes and ears can feast. In fact, considering the amazing way that music affects our brains, it’s not so far off the mark to describe music as a drug in and of itself (despite this fitting a painful loudmouth cliche).

4. Discover

Discover the experience and create memories.

Discover the experience. The sights, the sounds, the whole shebang. Check out this account of a festival raver who discovered that the sober gig experience wasn’t just alright, it was better; suggesting that everyone should give it a go at least once.

Discover the power of dance. Give into the music’s unrelenting pulse of invitation. You might feel silly at first. Or afraid of how you will look. But you needn’t, and you shouldn’t. Instead, in the cheesy but true words of William Purkey (or Mark Twain, no one is really sure):

Sing like no one is listening.

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Dance like nobody’s watching,

And live like it’s heaven on earth.
Because, really, what’s the worst that could happen?

5. Know you’re not alone

At an event like a festival, people often assume everyone is drinking. And up until now, you also might have assumed this about everyone there. But, in fact, it is becoming increasingly popular to go to social events like festivals sober.
As sobriety begins to gain a more fashionable reputation, a host of events which are structured around the burgeoning sober culture are beginning to pop up. From juice crawls to sober daytime raves, many are realising the value of enjoying experiences, alcohol-free.

Get gigging!

“It’s something I’ve got to bring my A-game to,” Peter FitzSimons says of his life now.

Over the past few years, Peter – one of Australia’s foremost cultural contemporaries – has been exploring his relationship with alcohol. He spoke with us about the mental fogginess and fatigue associated with what, for a lot of us, have been standard drinking patterns, as well as the clarity that befalls him now that he has changed his relationship with alcohol.

“The new normal,” he says, “is a clear head.”

Clarity of mind is a state that comes with a swell in your energy for life, but it’s hard to attain. Here to help you on the journey, we have considered a few ways through which you can develop a sense of clarity and uncover energy to meet every day with your A-game.

How to develop a sense of Clarity

Practice daily centering

These days it’s easy to feel inundated with appeals to meditate, to be mindful, to be present, and so on. But despite the mantra-chanting archetypes that may come to mind, the process of centering needn’t be esoteric and weighty. There are many different techniques of meditation, all of them great ways to center yourself by bringing your thoughts into the present and decluttering your mind.

A simple illustrated guided meditation — How to meditate by Yumi Sakugawa

Other processes for centering might include deep breathing or even something like brain dumping, which involves writing down whatever is on your mind – a more active form of meditation. Whatever process works for you, take it and form a ritual to practice daily. Developing such practices allows us to find space in the day. Space that can be used for grounding, re-establishing our goals and reconnecting to our values, all functions of the frequently vacuumed and well polished mindspace. Do it in the morning, right before bed, in a lunch break, or every time you feel flustered, confused or overwhelmed during the day. And if you’re still feeling as though the contemporary preoccupation with mindfulness is just another disposable trend, try watching Carl Sagan’s renowned Pale Blue Dot lecture as an exercise in realising the sobering humble nature of our reality.

How much of our own anxiety do we create ourselves, as we trudge through our chores and duties, chanting words like ‘should’, ‘need’ and ‘cannot’? Remember that even while busy, when stripped of the superfluous wants and needs of our mighty world, you are just as you always were.

One minute reflecting on something like this can do wonders for your focus and provide you with the clarity of mind you need to take on the day.

Take care of your body.

The age-old notion of mind-body dualism seems to be under fire today as the relationship between body and mind becomes increasingly palpable. These days, most would agree that what you do to your body will have some effect on your mind, and vice versa. Taking care of your bodily functions includes a generous array of tasks such as eating well, exercising and clocking in enough sleep.

Here you want to think about alcohol and the role it plays in your life. While you may already be asking yourself how booze affects your body and your mind, now consider the effect it has on your feelings of clarity. Do you get that sense of grogginess when you wake up from a boozy evening, feeling wine’s unforgiving nebula clenching at your temples? Maybe drinking affects your motivation and your energy as you imbibe a sense of apathy and lethargy along with your evening schooner. Think about how alcohol makes you feel and then take steps you believe are best for your bodily wellness and begin to regain a sense of clarity.

Find joy

Sometimes the disordered fog that settles in our minds is a function of the fact that we aren’t actively taking the time to get out there and seek joy. The seemingly elusive concept of joy usually begins to peek out from all corners of the world once you start looking. Begin this quest by doing something that is of genuine interest to you, by making time for laughter and for friends. Think about what, in your average day, brings you that spark of happiness?

Having happiness and joy in your life can improve your ability to be creative, solve problems and feed your reservoir of energy for the day.

Another way to put this into action is to take a leaf from the book of Twins Peaks’ quirky Agent Dale Cooper. He emphasises, “every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen.” Finding a miracle in the mundane is as simple as finding joy in a damn fine cup of steaming hot coffee.

Take a dance break

Or any kind of break. Considering how long and busy our days are becoming, it’s no wonder we’re hit by fatigue and foggy mind. Our pesky human brains can hardly keep up with what we ask of them; they need the downtime as much as you. So, be kind to your most valuable organ and take a break! Get outdoors, have a stretch, or maybe break your work up into smaller segments.

There are a number of great techniques available for optimising focus and time, such as the Pomodoro technique, which emphasises the importance of taking breaks between work.

Maybe going for a walk during lunch could be the thing you need to recharge before the afternoon slump? In fact, many of our great thinkers have cited walking as the very tool they’ve used to help them think more clearly. Plus, by simply heading outside you’ll be reaping in even more benefit – just being outdoors is suggested to be good for our wellbeing (maybe Pokemon Go isn’t such a nuisance).

So, ask yourself what you need. Is it nourishment, a break or the perseverance to push through your work?

With focus, clarity and energy you will find your A-game.

Meeting the family of your significant other is an important part of being in a relationship. That said, it is almost universally agreed that the experience can be nerve-racking. In this week’s animation we explore the experience and the roles that alcohol may play in it.

But while moderating the night before seems like an easy win on paper, it takes a lot more to make your desired first impression. We’ve put together a checklist of things to consider before you meet the parents – or any other stressful social engagement.

How to conquer meeting the parents:

Attitude

Let’s be honest: appearances do count.

Go in with a positive and open attitude. As memorable former leader of the United Kingdom, Winston Churchill, once stated, “attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

Contemporary research into positive attitudes suggests that almost everything is best approached in this way, not barring meeting your partner’s parents. So even though it may be tempting, try not to dwell on things that could go wrong. Think instead of all the things that could go right! With this frame in mind, you are more likely to be relaxed and be yourself.

Appearance

No matter how superficial it seems, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves that appearances and first impressions do count. From what you wear to how you hold conversation, all of these things are open to scrutiny. What’s more, these impressions take only seconds to form. But luckily, getting in a good first impression isn’t too onerous:

Usually, you should dress simple and conservative for the occasion, but it may be worth asking your partner about the level of formality their family usually dines in. At the end of the day, do make sure you feel comfortable as this ease will shine.
Remember to bring a gift. You needn’t go overboard but it is a nice gesture, and chocolate is always appreciated.
Mind your manners. While dinner table etiquette is generally not as archaic as it used to be, it doesn’t hurt to be polite. Please and thank you!
Stay off your phone. Clearly this is also basic dinner table etiquette, but given the difficulty of this task we thought it could do with its own bullet point.

Intention

Plan your drinking ahead of time.

Why are you meeting your partner’s family? Of course, you want them to like you, but perhaps consider it in terms of trying to actually get to know them. Your other half has spent most their life around these folks; what are they like? You are spending time with someone you care about and their family, so while it is natural to be nervous, it could ultimately end up being an enjoyable experience. So do what you would normally do during a dinner or social gathering with people you care about; offer to help out; feed the conversation; and enjoy the food. Simply put, plan to be a good house guest.

Perspective

Finally, put things into perspective. Just like the point above, think about why you are there in the first place. In fact, try framing it as though you are finally getting the chance to meet the family. Relax. Don’t overthink it. Do it for them!

Drinking

Will you be drinking? You may be feeling tempted to use the booze to help with nerves. But did you know that alcohol can actually aggravate symptoms of anxiety? Ultimately, you are the expert on your own drinking. Whether you are having a couple of drinks or none, pick your limit and stick to it. Discuss your plan with your partner so that you are both in the know.

Considered all of the above? Yes? Then go forth, greet with confidence and do it for them!