kids Archives | Hello Sunday Morning

It’s a routine thousands of people get stuck in: come home from a stressful day at work or with the kids, kick the shoes off, undo the belt and poor a glass of wine or crack open a beer. Sure, this is a nice way to relax and mark the end of a day, however, when that one drink turns into a bottle, things can start to get out of control.

If this is you, don’t worry – you are not alone. Statistics from our Daybreak mobile app shows that nearly half of our members drink after work.

Most of our members (90%) have tried cutting back, however, few experienced any long-term success in changing their relationship with alcohol. These numbers show us that it is HARD to break the routine once we have developed a dependence on alcohol to unwind at the end of the day.

So how do I stop drinking when I get home?

1. Identify the need.

There are a few techniques we recommend to our members who are trying and break this habit. The first one is understanding what the need for the alcohol is at the time. In this case, the drink would fill the need of wanting to switch off from ‘work/mum mode’ and relax into the evening. When we recognise and understand why we are drinking, it can help us realise that there are alternative, healthier ways to relax.

2. Swapping out the alcohol.

For some, a drink after work is a way to mark the end of the day. So this could still be done with swapping an alcoholic drink to a non-alcoholic drink. We have had feedback from members in our community who recommend having a selection of tasty alcohol-free drinks at home ready to go. Daybreak Members have also shared with us a great tip – pour your alcohol-free drink into a nice glass, so that way you feel like it is more special!

Alcohol-free drink ideas:

– Soda water with lime

– Apple Cider Vinegar & Tonic

– Seedlip & Tonic

– Homemade Ginger Beer

– Kombucha

– Mocktails (some ideas from the team at HSM HQ)

3. Finding an alternative activity.

If you know you get home at 5:30/6pm and pour yourself a drink, you could try something different at that exact time instead. A good idea could be to go for a walk, as moving your body after sitting at a desk all day can help you feel physically and mentally better and more clear minded. If you find you don’t have the energy for any physical activities, you could run yourself a bath or find a quiet place at home and listen to a guided meditation for a minimum of 10 minutes. If you’re a creative person, you could start a creative project to work on after work like sewing or making something crafty. Our members have found it can be helpful to try a few of these different activities to see what works best.

4. Don’t be afraid to ask for support.

There are a lot of people in the same boat as you! Online communities like Daybreak are a great way to have support at your fingertips. You could also follow blogs you like, and read up on Hello Sunday Morning’s blogs and social media posts, as they are created to inspire you with some great ideas to help you change your relationship with alcohol.

5. Be compassionate with yourself.

It is not going to be an easy routine to break, so be kind to yourself, and give yourself credit for trying! It might help to set small goals like, “I am only going to have a drink after work three nights a week, and the other nights I’ll go to a fitness class or read my book on the couch.”

If you become overwhelmed by strong urges when you get home from a hard day and all you want to do is pick up that wine glass, it may help to try this exercise one of our Daybreak health coaches shares with people who need support:

Think of the ocean, the urge is a huge wave, you know it’s big and it’s strong but it will subside if you hang in there. The waves/urges will become smaller and you will become stronger, and in time the waves become even smaller and further apart and far more manageable to deal with.

If you find you need extra support to help you change, check out Hello Sunday Mornings’ mobile behaviour change program, Daybreak.

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Looking at social media and the news in the past few months, you might have noticed more and more people talking about the challenges of motherhood; the physical, emotional and financial toll it can take on a person, and how the end result may be feelings of stress, anxiety and exhaustion. Many mums may end up feeling guilty about these challenges, feeling that they should be more like other mums and this in itself feeds into more negative feelings.

The good news is that this conversation is now being had openly, and we have an awareness that this is a really big issue. As wonderful as the experience of becoming a mother might be, in reality there are also challenges and the need for support.

Many movies and jokes on social media will involve mums drinking copious amounts of wine to cope, and bonding with each other over boozy evenings out where they get to shake off their responsibilities. It is a hard (perhaps the hardest) job and there does need to be a release!

‘Me time’

At Hello Sunday Morning, we are well aware of this as a lot of our Daybreak members are mums who have had this exact situation. They all have busy lives, busy schedules, full time caregiver roles and not a huge amount of support or time to look after their own needs. Having a wine at the end of the day represents the closing of a chapter on the day, some ‘me’ time and the opportunity to switch off and recharge those emotional resources.

The only problem is that, after a while, alcohol tends to take more than it gives. One glass becomes two or a whole bottle, and those emotional resources don’t get topped up, but rather becomeso much as drained even more from hangovers and disrupted boozy sleep.

That need for some ‘me’ time and unwinding becomes something that steals some of your energy for the next day, that actings like a big foggy blanket over a daily routine.

On top of this, alcohol actually affects our sleep as well so even if we go to sleep more easily after having a couple of drinks, our sleep quality is much worse when we’ve been drinking, and we don’t get as much REM sleep, which is the really good quality, deep sleep.

Better ways to unwind

Many Daybreak mums come to the conclusion that alcohol is perhaps not the best way to unwind (at least, not every day) and that there are other ways of topping up those emotional resources.

Here are two lists – one for mums, and one for those who are supporting mums. We generally know that when we have ways to replenish our emotional resources, we are more likely to feel better at the end of the day, and less likely to feel exhausted, drained, frustrated or just sad.

Tips for Mums:

If you are finding that you are drinking more than you would like, visit our Daybreak app to chat with some other members about what has helped them. Often other mums will be experiencing similar pressures and rituals, and will be able to offer support and advice. Sometimes even just checking in with the community during the time you are most vulnerable, is enough to change that behaviour.

Tips for family and friends of mums

If you are a partner or a friend of a mum who is struggling with stress or pressures, here are some things that you can do to help:

– Offer to help out for a day so that she can have a break to go and top up those emotional resources – whether this is to go out to see friends, take some time to herself or head to the gym. Offering to do this might be invaluable for the mother.

– Give feedback. If you know a mum who is doing a great job, let them know! They might be feeling like they’re not doing well at all. Giving support doesn’t have to be all practical, sometimes it can be a text message or a passing comment about what they are doing right and it can be much appreciated.

– For partners of caregivers, perhaps encourage her to make time for herself, whether that is by organising someone to mind the kids, arranging to work from home or take a leave day. For primary caregivers, down time and time to themselves can be of huge importance, but might not actually happen. As someone who is not at home during the day, perhaps you are able to recognise the need for ‘me’ time more than them and make some suggestions on how to make that happen.

– Remember emotional resources are hugely important when you are a mum – they are what we need for empathy, energy and planning. When we are feeling tired or drained, our emotional resources are also low and so we may struggle to keep on top of things. Finding ways to support yourself and asking others for support, can be a really good step. In addition to this we know that wine often goes hand in hand with unwinding or socialising, but when we are using it to top up our emotional resources, it can quickly become a drain rather than a booster.

If you’re finding yourself stuck in this pattern, have a look at what others have to say on Daybreak, other members can be a great source of advice and support, and you can also access health coaching for some additional advice on how to manage stress and drinking.

Tag: kids

So how do I stop drinking when I get home?

Newsletter

‘Me time’

Better ways to unwind

Tips for Mums:

Tips for family and friends of mums