not drinking Archives | Hello Sunday Morning

Looking for a list of solid excuses for not drinking alcohol? We’ve got you covered, but you might not need to rely on ‘excuses’ after all…

So, you’ve started your booze-free period, and things are looking up. You’re over the first few disorienting days and you’re starting to feel the growing benefits for mind, body and soul. That brain-fog, that you hadn’t previously realised was there, is now lifting. The guts are stabilising, the sleep is awesome and the skin is glowing. It’s time to take this ‘new you’ out for a spin and do some socialising!

You hit the gathering, and, despite the fact that these are mostly friends from way back, you’re a little nervous. How is this going to work without the lubricant? Will you get into the swing of it quickly? Come up with the repartee? Dance like a mad thing?

That tricky question

What you weren’t expecting was to be flummoxed by the first question: ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’

This is a really common issue – not knowing what to say when you are in social situations and someone offers you a drink, or asks why you aren’t drinking. For a lot of people it can feel really rude to turn down a drink, like you’re spoiling the fun. Or you feel exposed by saying ‘no’, feeling that you have to justify your decision or engage in a conversation about why you don’t drink.

But consider that we don’t question pregnant women why they’re not drinking – or designated drivers, or people training for a marathon. That’s because they have a good reason not to drink, that we all accept socially. It is good to consider that idea for yourself.

You don’t need excuses for not drinking; you have a really good reason not to drink too, and you’ve spent some time coming to that decision – so own it. This is a personal choice and one that you’ve made yourself, like what kind of car to drive, or where to go on holidays. But if you simply want to kill the line of inquiry dead and move on to more interesting topics, you can try a ‘move on – nothing to see here’ approach. Try the following replies:

I’m the designated driver.
I’ve got an early start in the morning.
I’m taking the night off – giving the liver a break!
I just want to see what it’s like to go with out a drink.
I’m doing it for charity. Do you want to sponsor me? (Say this if you really want them to get out of your face).

However, some of your friends may deserve a more frank explanation (and, importantly, some of them may actually benefit from your example), so consider some of these responses:

I’m having a break from drinking as I noticed it was affecting my health.
I’m not drinking at the moment as I’m on a health regime.
I’ve found I feel much better without alcohol.

A reflection of their own beliefs about alcohol

Often people will be surprised or disappointed if you turn down a drink as it may reflect on their own drinking – they might feel a bit exposed if you are staying sober. It can be good to show them that you are not passing judgement on their behaviour, and that this is really just a personal decision.

At Hello Sunday Morning, we believe that others’ responses can be partly to do with their own ‘baggage’, and this can be uncomfortably brought to the surface by someone who is abstaining.

In other words, the discomfort of the situation might be more with that person than with you.

More common than you think

The reality is, that most people at some point in their lives have considered cutting back on alcohol – it is something that tends to affect our health and mood, particularly as we get older. Most people can relate to the idea of cutting back or taking a break from alcohol to focus on their health – this is something that is becoming more and more common, and no longer a tacit admission of a deeper and humiliating problem with drinking.

What kinds of social situations are the most problematic for you – turning down a drink, or being around a lot of alcohol?

Let us know in the comments section.

If you find you need extra support to help you change, check out Hello Sunday Mornings’ mobile behaviour change program, Daybreak.

The Christmas season is fast approaching, and for many this means work Christmas parties, celebrations with friends, family gatherings and an indulgence in food, gifts and … alcohol. As your social calendar fills up, here are some tips on why you might choose not to drink, and how to go about avoiding alcohol or drinking less when Santa is in town.

We understand Christmas can be a stressful time, especially if you’re trying to drink less. Many festive celebrations involve drinking (often to excessive amounts) as part of the holiday spirit, and it is hard not to feel a pressure to conform to these expectations. It’s important to have a solid plan if you want to drink less alcohol this Christmas, or not drink any booze at all.

Advantages of not drinking alcohol over the Christmas season

Think of how much you’ll save by not splashing out on those expensive bottles of champagne or fancy beer! Christmas can be hard on the wallet already; consider what you would save if you chose not to drink at just one festive function (don’t forget to include the greasy hangover food and taxi home!) Now multiply that by the number of events coming up in your calendar. What would you spend the money on instead? Other advantages of not drinking alcohol over Christmas include minimising the chance of saying something regrettable to friends or family, consuming fewer calories that could contribute to ‘the Christmas bloat’, being able to stick to your exercise plan, and having a clearer head during an often stressful and busy end-of-year period.

We have gathered some of the best advice around to help you continue your positive relationship with alcohol this Christmas.

Be selective about the events you attend

Remember that you don’t have to go to every event; if there are certain celebrations that you know will make it really hard for you to feel good about your drinking goal, maybe consider skipping them. Attend the ones that will not focus so much on drinking to have a good time.

Bring your own drinks to Christmas parties

Take your favourite non-alcoholic drinks to the party with you, like a bottle of soda and a lime or a few ginger beers. This way you’re not missing out on drinking altogether and it may be a smart tactic to stop people asking you if you want a drink, every five minutes.

Plan activities that don’t involve sitting around drinking

Organise a friendly game of backyard cricket, a gingerbread-house baking session or DIY holiday card making. Watch a Christmas movie or print off lyrics for carols and have a classic, festive singalong.

Prepare your elevator pitch about why you’re not drinking, and stick to it

Be assertive with your decision to not drink and come prepared to talk about why you have chosen not to. Some people are genuinely interested, and who knows, it may even inspire them to think about their own relationship with alcohol. You could even point them to our free Daybreak app and supportive community if they express any interest in quitting, cutting back, or maintaining the amount of alcohol they drink.

Come up with an exit strategy to leave the party

If it all just gets too much and people are giving you a hard time about not drinking, or everyone’s too smashed to converse coherently, just get out of there. Most of the time they will hardly remember you leaving anyway. Just give the hosts a call or text the next day to thank them for their efforts and mention a few key details you liked about the party.

Focus on the purpose of the event

Remember why you were invited to the event and what the host would want to achieve by it. Time to spend with family? Feeling grateful for the year that was? Quality time with friends? Find the joy in spending quality time with those you love, doing the things you love!

Be the designated driver this Christmas

Take one for the team and offer to drive. Or even go one step further and pick up and drop off friends and family on the way. They will appreciate the good deed and you will have a responsibility to get them home safe and sound.

What is your motivation for going alcohol-light over Christmas and how do you go about achieving it? Share your strategies below to help our community!

Dear friends,

You are all wonderful and I am so glad to have you in my life. However, there is just one problem – I need to stop drinking for a while, and I am having a hard time explaining it to you. So, I have put together some expected questions and responses that might make this a bit easier:

Why aren’t you drinking?! What’s going on?

I am not drinking because the negatives of drinking are outweighing the positives. Negatives (weight gain, low energy, anxiety hangovers, spending money, risky situations, lack of motivation) versus positives (relaxing and unwinding, socialising, feeling glamorous, tasty beer). Most people go through this decision at some point in their life and decide to either cut back or stop for a while, as the negatives are outweighing the positives.

Is this forever? Are you ever going to be able to have fun again?

This is not forever but it is something I am trying for a while. In the meantime, there are lots of other things that I enjoy – and lots of them are much more manageable than drinking (for example, exercise, hobbies, meals out and sober dancing).

Are you going to judge me if we go out together and I’m still drinking?

Definitely not! This is a personal decision and I would be insane if I suddenly decided that everyone in my life needs to stop drinking or change their relationship with alcohol.

Generally, a person decides to stop drinking for a while when it is no longer working for them and they want to try something different – which is the case for me. However, I know that for a lot of people, alcohol is not an issue, and it is something that they enjoy and can have in their lives permanently.

So, you have some issues with alcohol. Does that mean you are an alcoholic?

You don’t have to define yourself as ‘alcoholic’ to want to change your relationship with alcohol. All you need is to identify that alcohol is affecting your life or you are finding that your life is better without it. Depending on your genetics, personality, and everything else going on in your life, some people are more vulnerable to the effects of alcohol, and particularly when they are stressed. We all have an ‘off’ button, and for some people, it works better than for others. For some people, it is possible to have two drinks and stop, while for others it will be much more of a challenge.

It is just like when someone is sensitive to dairy products. They have to be mindful of whether they have these in their diet at all, how they are going to manage their body’s response to them and whether it is worth having them at all.

Okay, I get it. How can I help you do this?

Social support is really important, particularly having people respect the decision not to drink or to drink less. Try suggesting some activities that don’t necessarily involve alcohol, like exercise or coffee, to make things easier for everyone.

This is a really personal, individual decision. So you probably won’t need to do much as a friend, as a lot of the change comes from the person. However, it is good to consider what kind of support you might like from a friend if you were working towards something important.

For someone trying to change the way they drink, how to survive the holidays can be a challenging question. Most events like Christmas parties and family get-togethers come part and parcel with drinking. We take leave from work and connect with others; it feels natural to relax and have a few extra drinks. For many Daybreak members, this can result in slipping back into a lifestyle they are wanting to move away from.

1. Reflecting on past holidays can be a valuable tool

Some good questions to ask yourself might be:

“When my holidays are over, what would I have liked to have done?,” or, “In previous years, what did I wish I had spent more/less time doing?”

Now, looking towards the near future, take a moment to ask, “What would I like to spend my time on?” The holidays are a precious, limited time to be close to the people we love the best. It’s worth taking a few minutes to think about how you want to spend it.

2. Have a plan to survive the holidays

Having a plan in place before you get to these situations is much easier than trying to make something up on the spot. When speaking to people at Christmas parties and end of year celebrations, you can say something like, “I’m focusing on my health at the moment and have noticed that alcohol is really setting me back in terms of fitness,” or, “I’m not drinking this year, as I want to feel refreshed after the holidays, but please don’t let that stop you.”

Another good strategy to survive the holidays is to have a plan in place for triggers or situations that might compromise your goals. Ask yourself, “What am I going to do if I have an argument with my siblings and feel overwhelmed?” or, “What am I going to tell my parents when they offer me a drink at lunch?”

Sometimes our loved ones are worried that if we aren’t drinking, we might judge them or behave differently. It will be good to emphasise that you don’t expect them not to drink. You are just not drinking at the moment. Not drinking doesn’t have to be a big deal.

Ideas to make the transition easier:

Have a non-alcoholic drink in hand. The varieties of non-alcoholic beers are increasing and the potential for mocktails is limitless.
Not drinking doesn’t have to be a subtraction. Explore all the amazing things you can do when you’re not sprawled on the couch. If you’re in the southern hemisphere, start a game of backyard cricket, head down to the beach or pool for a swim or kick around a footy. If you’re in a cold place, organise a day on the slopes or a family talent show inside.
Or, you could be everyone’s new favourite person by offering to be the designated driver.

3. Be kind to yourself

Understand that holidays and family get-togethers can be very challenging, particularly if there has been a conflict in the family. Sometimes we can feel anxious or exhausted by being back in the family dynamic, and also without the numbing effects of alcohol. The good news is that often it is alcohol that triggers arguments and disagreements within families, and not drinking will allow you to step away from that and look at things differently. Sometimes alcohol can feel like it is necessary to deal with family, but when we take it away or reduce it, often we find family gatherings are less tedious.

A good way to survive the holidays is to acknowledge that they are a bit of a mixed bag. There will be stressful situations and perhaps a tense conversation or two, but the holidays also come with these bright moments, those moments of connection and celebration that make all the stress worth it. Sticking to your goals on changing your relationship with alcohol drinking might not stop your mum from asking you pointed questions about your love life, or your crazy uncle from airing his political views over dinner, but you may find that you come away with more of those brights moments, because you made choices about how you wanted to spend your time.

To find out more and to download Daybreak, a program by Hello Sunday Morning, visit hellosundaymorning.org/daybreak.