personal story Archives | Hello Sunday Morning

We’d like to share a story from one of our own.

Many in our Hello Sunday Morning community have been drawn to the personalised and non-judgemental care of the Daybreak app. Within the Daybreak app, members can access a Care Navigation Service. Our Care Navigators chat with you about where you are getting stuck in changing your relationship with alcohol and can recommend information and services to help you get back on track.

Some of our Care Navigator team also have their own stories with alcohol.

We sat down with Alex recently to talk about her own personal journey with alcohol and sobriety.

Care Navigator Alex provides support to members in an online community, bringing her own lived experience with alcohol dependency. She understands the importance of offering practical and emotional support when you are making big changes in your life.

Alex, can you share with us about your own experiences with alcohol and they have changed over time?

I was a regular drinker, going out and having a good time. For years I was proud of being that big drinker in social settings, and in hindsight I didn’t realise that I suffered from anxiety and drinking was actually helping me feel more outgoing.

I didn’t think I had a problem with alcohol, but everything snuck up on me as my life unfolded.

I became a mum and I immigrated from England across the world to Australia, leaving my family behind. I felt a great sense of isolation without a social group around me and I was experiencing marriage challenges as well. Alcohol became a form of self-medication for me, but I wasn’t aware of this at the time.

So, drinking became my way of numbing emotional pain – it was just for me. A friend. But it turned out that alcohol was keeping me isolated. It wanted me to be on my own, so it was no friend to me.

In the early days I really didn’t feel like my drinking was affecting anyone else, but I know that I wasn’t present for my relationships.

I’d look forward to having a glass or two in the evening, but then that became a whole bottle. I would wake in the night with massive anxiety and the shakes. Then the day would start, and I told myself that having a drink would stop the shakes. It became a cycle that I was stuck in.

'It turned out that
alcohol was keeping me isolated.
It wanted me to be on my own,
so it was no friend to me.

At what point did your feel the time felt right to make changes?

I gradually realised I had become a high functioning person with a dependence on alcohol, but I really wanted to control my drinking urges. I tried to tell friends ‘I think I have a problem,’ but they didn’t really know how low I was getting behind the scenes.

I was also struggling with my marriage, but I didn’t know if that was because of the drinking, or if drinking was a consequence of our struggles. I needed to have a clear head to address my challenges and sort myself out.

I desperately wanted to reign it all in, but I couldn’t. I felt so confused. I knew I was intelligent and that I was a good mum and cared about my daughter, that I was a professional and seemingly in control. I knew deep down that it was becoming a problem when I was hiding my drinking.

I remember talking to myself in the mirror and saying, ‘Tomorrow will be different’ and waking up and tomorrow wasn’t different, I was stuck in a negative cycle of drinking to try to change the way I was feeling.

Where did you reach out for support?

When I eventually decided it was time for a change, I didn’t know where to go or who could help me. I really did feel ashamed. It was like having this horrible secret. I was scared to tell my GP or formalise it because when I tell someone then I’ll have to do something about it. That was just as confronting.”

I didn’t have as many options to do things anonymously, but the good part of what worked for me was my access to supportive people who had gone through the same thing. They felt relatable and I began to understand more about how drinking was a coping mechanism. I also was able to see that if they could do it, so could I. I could bring about change for myself.

'I remember talking to myself
in the mirror and saying,

'Tomorrow will be different'

and waking up
and tomorrow wasn't different.'

I felt inhibited because I wanted to do this anonymously, and while I did try Alcoholics Anonymous and eventually found programs that worked for me, I really wish Daybreak had have been around for me at the time. I would have adored the ability to text to someone on a phone, anonymously, when the time was right for me.

What did work was I got support from people who were happy without alcohol and had created a beautiful life. They were so motivating.

How long have you been alcohol free?

I’ve worked so hard and am proud of myself for staying sober for 20 years now. For me the answer isn’t moderation, the best pathway for me is to abstain from any drinking.

Can you tell us about the Alex then, and the Alex now?

I am so much happier and at peace.

When I went back to the UK for a visit, I made the conscious decision to go out and have fun, dance and enjoy myself with old mates while treating myself to nice alcohol-free drinks.

The great thing was that I could remember it the next day – all the conversations and the fun on the dance floor. It wasn’t a ‘fake feeling great’, it was a ‘genuine feeling great’ – it was a testament to my new way of life.

I still have strategies for myself like how to deal with the expectations of drinking on special occasions and now I use that to help other’s work through their own anxiety leading up to events where there might be peer pressure.

How have you managed to maintain your healthier habits without alcohol?

I love to read. It’s not something you can really do when you’re drunk! I love quiet times reading but I also love bike riding and yoga too. I’m reliable for other people and to myself with other people and I have so much peace. Drinking alcohol never gave me that, it took much of it all away.

How did you first encounter Hello Sunday Morning? And what was your reaction?

I was an AOD (alcohol and other drugs) mental health support worker and counsellor, and I was working in a private addiction hospital. I came across Hello Sunday Morning by accident and was just blown away by the focussed and anonymous support it offered through the Daybreak app. That people like me could have a pseudo-name and access to professional or peer support anonymously was incredible.

It’s like having the most personal form of support in your pocket, at the times when you need it most.

A lot of people struggle to afford the time and the money to go to a clinic, or detox facility. Most people can’t take that time out, are overwhelmed by the logistics, or worry it might expose them which can create other anxieties and impacts. Being able to ‘go under the radar’ in addressing their alcohol dependency issues with the Daybreak app makes it such an ideal resource.

I was so impressed by this personal and accessible support offering.

I wrote to Hello Sunday Morning and told them I wanted to work with them. I was very fortunate that I was able to come through the recruitment system with my experience and am proud to work with Hello Sunday Morning.

This is the end of the first part of Alex’s interview. In the second part, Alex will be sharing her insights as a care navigator for Hello Sunday Morning’s Daybreak community, as well as some tips on an alcohol-free lifestyle.

Stay tuned!

As I wrote this, I am 389 alcohol-free (second time round), I did 402 days AF in 2018 then decided I could moderate.

How wrong was I…? lol

My love of alcohol started very young, I had my first big drinking session at 13 years old and blacked out first time, you would think that would have turned me off, and I so wish this was the case. But alas no, I would become one hell of a wild party girl who despite having children very young (pregnancies and young children were the only time I did not drink) I would always be known as the life of the party.

I was able to balance family life and career, but geez… I could party, I would black out regularly not even knowing how I got home or what I did.

When I think back, I am amazed that I am still here, I put myself in the most dangerous situations on so many occasions.

My 20s and 30s revolved around parenting, career, and drinking. When I separated, I had every second weekend free where I kept my party lifestyle going strong. Days off work due to hangovers were the norm as was blacking out and having major anxiety due to embarrassing myself. This is how I functioned for many, many years.

Fast forward to 2017, I was in my late forties, I had 2 grown up children, 4 beautiful grandchildren and my teenage daughter from my second marriage. I was managing a childcare centre and living life telling myself my drinking was normal and that I did not have a problem.

My son, who was 25 at the time, along with his family, were living with me and my teenage daughter in a regional town in QLD. One day, I had been at the rugby union with a friend where the alcohol was free, I got dropped off home very merry and joined my son in some more drinks. I do not remember much after this until I heard sirens behind us, that’s when I became present again. It was late, and my son was driving, he only had a learner licence at the time, we stopped, got out and both blew high range. We were placed in separate police cars (due to our toxification levels, we were both carrying on like idiots) and taken to the local watch house where we were placed in separate cells for the night.

When we were woken up by the police in the morning, they reminded us of our arrest details, and we were given our court dates. I was then suspended from driving, effective immediately. No surprise there after a reading of nearly legally dead… The shame, humiliation, let alone the hangover from hell. We were both put into the back of the paddy wagon and were driven home to our distressed family. My teenage daughter was disgusted with me and immediately went to a friend’s place for a few days. I went to bed where I stayed for the next 24 hours, never wanting to get up.

My shame and remorse are still with me to this day,
but I am slowly forgiving myself.

I lost my licence for 14 months and was fined $2000. I was spared a conviction as this was the first time I had been in any kind of trouble – a conviction would have lost me my job. I was grateful to the judge for this.

I could not talk about it without crying for nearly a year. My shame and remorse are still with me to this day, but I am slowly forgiving myself.

The week after the arrest, I attended an AA meeting where there were only three of us. They were studying the Big Book, and this was not for me. I would start my days, for the next 10 months, telling myself that I will not drink tonight but would end up heading (walking) to the bottle shop on my way home. The mind games were ongoing and exhausting.

I came across Sexy Sobriety on Facebook and asked my sister to buy me the book titled A Happier Hour by Rebecca Weller for my birthday. This book changed my life, it was like reading my own story. This book gave me the resources to set a date and finally commit to having a break from the drink, my plan was to stop for 3 months.

I downloaded the app, Daybreak which has been one of my most used tools in my alcohol free (AF) journey. I read heaps of books and after getting to three months I decided to keep going. My health improved dramatically (I think all the walking also helped) to the point where I did not need medication for high blood pressure anymore. I felt amazing, I changed my career, my daughter forgave me, and life was pretty good.

I was so in the mindset of: ‘I will never drink again’ then BOOM!. After 400 days, out of nowhere, my mind changed to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely – after this long moderate, not lose the plot’. I did moderate for a few months but then I was slowly ending up blacking out and having benders again. The difference this time was that the hangovers were so much worse than last time. I was getting extremely intoxicated on a minimal amount of alcohol, my body was rejecting the poison big time.

My mindset changed from:
‘I will never drink again
to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely –
after this long moderate, not lose the plot’.
How wrong was I?

I knew that I needed to stop. I had one attempt, where I stopped for 21 days but it did not stick, it was so hard to start at day 1 again.

Last year I set my start date as the 1st of February but because of being so hungover on the 31st of January, that became my day 1. I got back on Daybreak and started doing the work to change my mindset again.

I love living life AF, I have my health back again and I know today that I will not drink. I am sharing part of my story to help my healing as well as to let others know it is possible to change your relationship with alcohol.

Love to all,

Shell xx

The day after

The next afternoon when Chris got home, I went to the gym. It was not so much about a healthy lifestyle change as it was about breaking a pattern. If I was at home at the pre-dinner hour, I didn’t trust myself to stick to my promise.

Every day for the next three weeks I went to the gym at 5 o’clock. Then one day, I didn’t. The spell was broken. My days of opening a bottle of wine when Chris got home from work, were over.

There was Christmas to get through, but by then I was two months in. The longer it was since my last drink, the more determined I was not to cave. I didn’t want to have to start the counter again from Day 1, and because I had made this promise to my daughter, I felt that if I didn’t make it work this time, I would never be able to kick it. It felt like life and death to me.

Onwards and upwards

My decision to quit drinking coincided with my first semester of a Graduate Certificate I had enrolled in at university, as a mature-aged student.

I had been a bright kid at school: I was dux of my primary school and went to a selective high school and on to university before wasting my 20s and early 30s in a self-destructive haze of mediocre jobs and a lack of direction.

The time that I reclaimed through sobriety I put into study, and was rewarded with four High Distinctions from four subjects. The certificate I received at the end of that course represents to me a point in my life so significant and poignant, a point where I chose a life of quality and dignity over one of careless disregard for myself, and by extension, my family. That piece of paper signifies a return to self-love and self-respect. I am so proud of it.

Confidante

One of the things I have come to understand as a recovered alcoholic (I use ‘recovered’ rather than the term ‘recovering’, because I know there will be no going back for me) is that your choice becomes an inspiration for others.

Struggling with alcohol can feel very shameful and lonely, but once you are sober you learn that many, many people fret about their levels of drinking.

When I meet people and they learn that I don’t drink, they are often curious about my reasons. I try to be open about my past, although it depends on the company – I am not always immune to worrying about what others will think.

When people learn I have overcome alcoholism, more often that not, they will say something along the lines of ‘I really need to look at how much I drink’ or ‘I wish I could be as strong as you’.

Nightmares

If I ever lost sight of how important my sober life is to me now, I am occasionally reminded by a nightmare that is always the same scenario.

In these dreams, which I have maybe two or three times a year, I am at a party and I start drinking again after all the years sober. The devastation at having broken my promise to myself is palpable, and when I wake up I am always weak with relief to find that it is not real. These nightmares serve as a powerful reminder of what I would lose if I ever went back to drinking.

In the years since October 31, 2009, I feel like I have started living my life instead of reacting to it. I have found courage because I have stopped feeling like a fraud. I am more organised and more disciplined in every area.

My life of drinking was characterised by ‘I can’t be bothered …’ but now things are very different.

My home and career are as I have designed them, and I am devoted to my little family. Studying is still a big part of my life. Instead of using alcohol to ‘turn the volume down’ every night, I spend my evenings charting new intellectual territory.

We have horses and go riding as a family. I have the energy to experiment with new recipes when I cook. I do ‘tourist’ things in neighbouring towns. I plan holidays, I save money, I buy thoughtful gifts for people, I keep my home clean and uncluttered.

In short, these days I can be bothered.

But beneath all the shouts of ‘Cheers!’ and ‘Taxi!!’ there is a level of shame and concern for many people about the levels at which they drink.

For anyone wanting to embark on a life of sobriety, but who fears what that involves, you should be reassured. Waiting ‘on the other side’ is a life of peace and freedom from craving, of fulfilment and quiet pride, and of endless time to achieve all those things you’ve always wanted.

Anonymous

In its earlier days, Hello Sunday Morning encouraged people to “do an HSM challenge” – a period of three, six or 12 months completely without alcohol. I recently started working as Head of Marketing with HSM and decided to get into character by giving this a go for the first quarter of this year. I chose the easy-peasy three-month entry-level point, and at the halfway point of just six weeks, this is what I have found …

So, what happens when you give up the booze?

I imagine it depends on how large booze looms in your life before you jam the cork back in the bottle. In my case, I suspected that my drinking was on the wrong side of the bell-curve, although not to a reckless or unhealthy extent – but maybe I’ve been deluding myself. One time in my 40s I reviewed the previous year and realised that my casual drinking had become habitual, to the point where there probably hadn’t been a single 24-hour period in that 12 months when I wouldn’t have blown over 0.05 in a breathalyser at some stage.

I cooled it a bit on that realisation, but through my 50s I’d still drink nearly daily, although I started to leave a few alcohol-free days in the working week. My drinking left me functional and I had no problems with it domestically (I have a wife who matches me drink for drink). It was normal when compared against my circle of friends, and it was also normal when compared with what I remember of my parents’ drinking.

I like to drink. I don’t like being at the point where I slur my words (and that is quite a low threshold for me), but I certainly enjoy heading in that direction. On normal evenings, when I was working the next day, I would share a bottle of wine with my wife, and often get some way into a second. On weekends, it would be two bottles between us on both Friday and Saturday. I’m not a great one for following expert advice on health, but even I could work out that I was consuming up to 35 standard drinks per week, compared to the 14 that is recommended as a safe limit.

So what prompted me to give it up?

Well, I noticed that I functioned better on those days following an alcohol-free day. In particular, I slept very much better. On nights that I drank, I would go to sleep readily, but often wake up after midnight with a racing mind and anxious thoughts. Sometimes this would be accompanied by a hard-beating heart, and a return to sleep was always a few hours away (usually just minutes before the alarm clock went off). It left me feeling like crap the following day, even when there was no detectable hangover. On alcohol-free nights, I would usually sleep right through, and if I did awaken in the night, I could easily fall asleep again.

On working weeks that I went alcohol free, it was clear to me that my alertness, focus and general intellect improved as the week wore on, and I began to wonder if, perhaps, a late-40s career plateau had been partly self-inflicted.

Finally, I recently began to wake up in the mornings with distinctly tender feelings in the kidneys, which would pass after a couple of hours. On days following an alcohol-free night this never happened.

So this year I’ve decided to do a Hello Sunday Morning 3-month challenge: no booze at all until April. I’m now at the six-week midpoint and I’ve noticed some positive things, but I’ve also noticed a few downsides, so here they are in summary:

Upsides of going without alcohol

Sleep. The first and most unmistakable benefit is a great night’s sleep. This kicked in after the first 48 hours, but it also seems to be improving over the six weeks. Not only is the sleep deep and unbroken, but the quality of dreams also seems to have improved: they’ve been more detailed, linger in the memory for longer with an almost cinematic quality to them, and for some reason often feature Her Majesty the Queen (although I realise this last phenomenon may not be universal).

General well-being. You know how your car feels after you’ve just given it a 15,000 km service? You can’t put your finger on it, but everything seems tighter, more responsive and just works better? That’s how I felt at the two week mark, and it hasn’t fallen off yet. I know I would pay a lot of money for a vitamin supplement that had this effect.

Energy and focus. There’s been a small but definite improvement in my work performance, particularly in my ability to concentrate, organise and generally be ‘present’ during meetings. The effect carries over when I get home. Just the other night, I ate my dinner and then carried on painting a spare bedroom from where I’d left off over the weekend. That wouldn’t have happened if I’d opened a bottle of wine first. However, it doesn’t last long into the night, and I’ve been going to bed earlier than usual since starting this dry spell.

Mood. I’m told we all conduct a continuous dialogue with ourselves in our heads during waking hours. Over the past couple of decades, my dialogue has tended towards the unhelpful and self-critical, particularly at 2:00 am when I’m trying to get back to sleep. I think it’s had a corrosive effect on my self-confidence over that time, because I can feel confidence returning during this period.

Downsides to going without alcohol

Something’s missing. I’d got into the habit of coming home, starting the cooking and opening a bottle of wine each day. For the first few weeks I felt uneasy during the 5:00–7:00 pm window – like I’d forgotten to do something important. A glass in hand was a prop for the post working-day chit-chat with my wife, and it felt odd without the wine. It’s also noticeable that our conversation doesn’t flow or digress onto tangents in quite the same way.

Twinges. Every now and then, quite out of the blue, I get a pang of regret that I won’t be opening a bottle of shiraz tonight. It passes.

NA substitutes. During the first few weeks we tried some of the non-alcoholic options that are available, with mixed results. To my surprise, the non-alcoholic beers were pretty good. It’s obvious at first sip that Cooper’s Birell is non-alcoholic, but if you accept it for what it is, then it’s a very pleasant thirst-quenching lager-style drink. Carlton Zero actually does taste like a nicely hoppy-flavoured beer, but tends to bloat a bit. Other than the beers, there don’t seem to be any ersatz products that have the same satisfying depth of flavour of a wine or spirit. The NA wines were pretty dire; the whites were too sweet, and the reds were flat, like a bottle that has been left open for a couple of weeks. We also tried the non-alcoholic distilled botanicals which are promoted as an alternative to gin. For the life of me, I couldn’t detect the connection. One of them tasted like water that had recently been used to boil peas, and the taste of all of them was too weak to survive a mixer. (However, my wife really likes the Brunswick Aces with tonic water.)

Adverts. I’m realising now just how powerful adverts for booze are. They ambush you with a desire when you’re going dry, and either the industry has recently doubled its advertising spend, or the ads have always been all over the place. Product placement also works well on me. I’ve never been much of a spirit drinker before, but the sight of a couple of fingers of golden scotch being poured in a Netflix series gets me thinking “Mmmm – whiskey …” The cues are everywhere!

People’s reactions. This is quite a complex one, and I might expand on this at the three month mark. Most people don’t give a damn if you’re not drinking, and that’s great. However, some people take it as passive-aggressive criticism of their own drinking, or as a dismissal of their culture, almost a form of apostasy. I’m building a repertoire of responses beyond “mind your own business”, and I’ll give them a test run for the remainder of the 3-month trial.

Which brings me to contemplation of my return to boozing in April. On the one hand, I’ve got my eye on the exact bottle of shiraz for opening on 1 April. But on the other hand …

The last couple of weeks have been quite easy as I settle into new habits while still noticing the benefits, and I’m tempted to stretch this out to a 6-month HSM challenge period. I remember once reading an interview with Mel Gibson (okay, not the best choice of role model, perhaps – but this was about 20 years ago) who was talking about the benefits of staying off the grog. He said the real benefits don’t kick in until 6 months, but that most people simply don’t have the patience to last that long.

That’s got me curious …

Roger

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June 17, 2018. The day that would change my life forever.

I started drinking at the young age of 14, and I fell in love with being drunk. It made life fun and entertaining, and turned me into a more sociable and likeable person. It helped ease my nerves in a social environment and made me not care what others thought about me. To be frank, it made me not care at all.

I liked the feeling of security and invincibility when I was intoxicated. It wasn’t until after years of drinking and getting older that I learned my lessons the hard way. I started experiencing the negative impact alcohol had on me but it still didn’t stop me. I was blind to it. I was too stubborn and delusional to admit I had a lost control with my drinking.

My drinking turned me into someone I hated

I would say and do things to family members and people I loved that I would regret years later. I would say and do whatever I wanted without thinking about the short- or long-term consequences.

Alcohol let me live in a distorted world where anything goes. I thought I was on top of the world and in control of everything, only to have the world fall apart and crush me underneath. After a failed relationship, I was no longer drinking for the same reasons I did when I was younger. It was no longer for pleasure, enjoyment or social gatherings; I was drinking to kill or at least ease pain, loneliness, self-pity, blame, anger, hatred, shame, guilt and depression. It was the end of the world. I was in a black hole. I felt like there was nothing left for me. I was literally trying to drink myself to death.

I couldn’t function normally without alcohol in my system

The only way to stop the sweating and shaking at night was to wake up and have a drink. I thought I could never break this vicious cycle, so I lost hope and accepted my defeat.

At this point, the few people who still loved and cared about me saw a version of me that nobody had seen before; a version of me that I never thought I could be. They knew I was battling demons stronger than I had thought possible. I didn’t want anyone’s sympathy or pity because the hard truth was I had put myself in the position I was in. I didn’t want to admit it, accept it or even face it.

I told myself that death had to be better than whatever this thing called life was, and by this stager my family had seen and heard enough. My parents mentioned the idea of sending me into a detox and rehab center for my drinking. I still can’t say how or why it happened but one day I could see how much my self-destructive drinking was hurting my family. Parents were watching a son, and brothers were watching a brother inch closer to his funeral.

I finally decided, after spending half of my life in denial, that I had a problem with my drinking and it was time to get help

So low was my self-regard that I feel that the decision to go into detox and rehab was done more for the sake of my family that for myself. Ironically, it was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t being selfish. I wanted to die but my family wanted me to live. It took a lot of courage and willpower for me to finally admit that I had a problem, and that it was time for change.

That decision started me on the road to controlling my life again. It gave me a higher sense of personal responsibility and ownership. I agreed to enter a detox and rehab center on June 17, 2018. The idea of entering a detox and rehab centre was terrifying at first. I asked myself, “how did I ever get to this point?” I told myself, “I’m nothing like these other people here, I don’t belong in a place like this.” But I realised on the very first day just how wrong I was.

We all shared an obvious weakness in common. However, we were also defiant, courageous and strong enough to admit we needed help. People like us come from all ages, backgrounds and walks of life, and if you saw us on the street you would not know that we had lost control of our drinking habits.

I came to understand how my choices and behaviours had affected people who’d had the misfortune of crossing paths with the old me. I acknowledged and accepted the chaos and destruction I’d inflicted on others – I had no choice but to. I was finally able to forgive myself for what I had done in the hope that, one day, those that I have harmed can forgive me, even though I may not deserve it.

The new, sober me has learned to love myself and others again

The new, sober me is the strongest version of me I’ve ever known. It was the longest, darkest and hardest battle I had ever fought. Accepting that I needed help allowed me to take back control of my life. It made me feel I was human again, and not an abomination to society. My only regret is not going through treatment sooner…but I also learned it’s never too late to seek help.

Written by Hello Sunday Morning supporter, Kevin Repass

Tag: personal story

Alex, can you share with us about your own experiences with alcohol and they have changed over time?

'It turned out that
alcohol was keeping me isolated.
It wanted me to be on my own,
so it was no friend to me.

At what point did your feel the time felt right to make changes?

Where did you reach out for support?

'I remember talking to myself
in the mirror and saying,

'Tomorrow will be different'

and waking up
and tomorrow wasn't different.'

How long have you been alcohol free?

Can you tell us about the Alex then, and the Alex now?

How have you managed to maintain your healthier habits without alcohol?

How did you first encounter Hello Sunday Morning? And what was your reaction?

My shame and remorse are still with me to this day,
but I am slowly forgiving myself.

My mindset changed from:
‘I will never drink again
to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely –
after this long moderate, not lose the plot’.
How wrong was I?

Read more Personal Stories

The day after

Onwards and upwards

Confidante

Nightmares

So, what happens when you give up the booze?

So what prompted me to give it up?

Upsides of going without alcohol

Downsides to going without alcohol

Newsletter

My drinking turned me into someone I hated

I couldn’t function normally without alcohol in my system

I finally decided, after spending half of my life in denial, that I had a problem with my drinking and it was time to get help

The new, sober me has learned to love myself and others again

Alex, can you share with us about your own experiences with alcohol and they have changed over time?

'It turned out that alcohol was keeping me isolated. It wanted me to be on my own,so it was no friend to me.

At what point did your feel the time felt right to make changes?

Where did you reach out for support?

'I remember talking to myself in the mirror and saying,

'Tomorrow will be different'

and waking up and tomorrow wasn't different.'

How long have you been alcohol free?

Can you tell us about the Alex then, and the Alex now?

How have you managed to maintain your healthier habits without alcohol?

How did you first encounter Hello Sunday Morning? And what was your reaction?

My shame and remorse are still with me to this day, but I am slowly forgiving myself.

My mindset changed from:‘I will never drink again to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely – after this long moderate, not lose the plot’. How wrong was I?

Read more Personal Stories

The day after

Onwards and upwards

Confidante

Nightmares

So, what happens when you give up the booze?

So what prompted me to give it up?

Upsides of going without alcohol

Downsides to going without alcohol

Newsletter

My drinking turned me into someone I hated

I couldn’t function normally without alcohol in my system

I finally decided, after spending half of my life in denial, that I had a problem with my drinking and it was time to get help

The new, sober me has learned to love myself and others again

'It turned out that
alcohol was keeping me isolated.
It wanted me to be on my own,
so it was no friend to me.

'I remember talking to myself
in the mirror and saying,

and waking up
and tomorrow wasn't different.'

My shame and remorse are still with me to this day,
but I am slowly forgiving myself.

My mindset changed from:
‘I will never drink again
to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely –
after this long moderate, not lose the plot’.
How wrong was I?