purpose Archives | Hello Sunday Morning

The best advice I have heard about living the most fulfilling and optimistic life was given to me by a man I hold in the highest regard. A man who is a father to eight kids, plus half the neighbourhood. A man who makes the most of every situation and even if something really shitty happens, like bankruptcy or a terminal illness, focuses on the good stuff and making the most of the present moment, constantly asking, “don’t you love it?” A man who opens his door (literally) to anyone of any status or background. A man with the biggest smile and an even bigger heart.

“Surround yourself with positive people,” were his words of advice when I graduated high school with one of his step daughters, and it has stuck with me to this day.

Spring is upon us here in the southern hemisphere, bringing with it a season of transformation. Trees that shed their leaves and flowers in winter are now starting to bud and the weather is warming up, bringing clearer days with it. We feel rejuvenated from hibernating through winter and there is a sense of growth and new beginnings in the air.

Spring tends to be the season during which we feel inspired to make some changes to our lives.

We often say that a person is exhausting or drains our energy. They may be someone who takes from you in ways that you understand, or in a subtle way that you can’t put your finger on. This could be your partner, a friend, a colleague or anyone that you interact with often.

I’m not encouraging you to ditch a friend who is going through a hard time and seems to be in a negative place. That friend needs your support now more than ever. But you have to think of yourself first because if you feel drained and uninspired, you won’t be able to support anybody. Just be aware of these people and the place where they find themselves. To keep your spirits high, you may want to think about saying ‘no’ when you just don’t feel strong enough to take them on that day, or if you’re no energised enough to meet up with them. You can always reschedule for a time when you are feeling better and not so vulnerable.

On the other hand, there are some people who leave you feeling lighter and good about yourself. They lift your mood with a simple laugh or joke, or some great advice. These people are easy to be around and they make you love yourself more, too.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel awesome and you may be able to be that person to someone who needs it. It will make you happier, more inspired and optimistic. So, how do you do this?

Be thankful

Finding contentment is a real challenge for people in the western world. We are constantly searching for something more, whether that be through material possessions like houses, cars and tech, or shifting environments in our travels, careers and relationships. But when we focus on the good in our lives, we are likely to attract more of it.

Be passionate

We become passionate when we really love what we are doing or feel strongly about something. Being passionate means you are inspired, motivated and full of purpose. We enjoy being around people who are enthusiastic about what they are doing and their passion can sometimes even ignite our own.

Visualise it

Visualisation can be a powerful tool. Have you ever seen yourself in a situation, like receiving an award or getting a promotion, and felt it is so real that you just knew it would happen? To practice visualisation, it’s important not only to see and watch the event unfold but to also feel it in your body and notice what you can smell and see around you. For example, if you’re visualising a holiday, try to feel the breeze on your skin, the smile on your face and the joy as you splash around in the water. Realise how good it makes you feel.

Meditate, or try yoga and Tai Chi

These mindful practices allow us to tune into a state of peace and calm, decreasing the stress levels in our bodies. Yoga and Tai Chi are great practices that enable moving meditation. They can help you slow down and reset.

Strive for a nutritious diet

Food plays a huge role in how we feel. If our bowels aren’t working properly and we are not digesting our food, we can feel bloated, tired and drained of energy. It is hard to feel optimistic when you just feel like slouching on the couch.

Adopting some of the tools above in your day-to-day life, as well as limiting your time with people who aren’t bringing out the best in you and surrounding yourself with passionate, inspired and optimistic people, can really start to change the way you think and feel, for the better.

Meeting the family of your significant other is an important part of being in a relationship. That said, it is almost universally agreed that the experience can be nerve-racking. In this week’s animation we explore the experience and the roles that alcohol may play in it.

But while moderating the night before seems like an easy win on paper, it takes a lot more to make your desired first impression. We’ve put together a checklist of things to consider before you meet the parents – or any other stressful social engagement.

How to conquer meeting the parents:

Attitude

Let’s be honest: appearances do count.

Go in with a positive and open attitude. As memorable former leader of the United Kingdom, Winston Churchill, once stated, “attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

Contemporary research into positive attitudes suggests that almost everything is best approached in this way, not barring meeting your partner’s parents. So even though it may be tempting, try not to dwell on things that could go wrong. Think instead of all the things that could go right! With this frame in mind, you are more likely to be relaxed and be yourself.

Appearance

No matter how superficial it seems, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves that appearances and first impressions do count. From what you wear to how you hold conversation, all of these things are open to scrutiny. What’s more, these impressions take only seconds to form. But luckily, getting in a good first impression isn’t too onerous:

Usually, you should dress simple and conservative for the occasion, but it may be worth asking your partner about the level of formality their family usually dines in. At the end of the day, do make sure you feel comfortable as this ease will shine.
Remember to bring a gift. You needn’t go overboard but it is a nice gesture, and chocolate is always appreciated.
Mind your manners. While dinner table etiquette is generally not as archaic as it used to be, it doesn’t hurt to be polite. Please and thank you!
Stay off your phone. Clearly this is also basic dinner table etiquette, but given the difficulty of this task we thought it could do with its own bullet point.

Intention

Plan your drinking ahead of time.

Why are you meeting your partner’s family? Of course, you want them to like you, but perhaps consider it in terms of trying to actually get to know them. Your other half has spent most their life around these folks; what are they like? You are spending time with someone you care about and their family, so while it is natural to be nervous, it could ultimately end up being an enjoyable experience. So do what you would normally do during a dinner or social gathering with people you care about; offer to help out; feed the conversation; and enjoy the food. Simply put, plan to be a good house guest.

Perspective

Finally, put things into perspective. Just like the point above, think about why you are there in the first place. In fact, try framing it as though you are finally getting the chance to meet the family. Relax. Don’t overthink it. Do it for them!

Drinking

Will you be drinking? You may be feeling tempted to use the booze to help with nerves. But did you know that alcohol can actually aggravate symptoms of anxiety? Ultimately, you are the expert on your own drinking. Whether you are having a couple of drinks or none, pick your limit and stick to it. Discuss your plan with your partner so that you are both in the know.

Considered all of the above? Yes? Then go forth, greet with confidence and do it for them!

Masterchef winner Andy Allen took over Hello Sunday Morning’s social media accounts last weekend, and with this came a fascinating reflection on purpose and the role that alcohol plays in how we materially contend with meaning in our lives. Andy reflected on his experiences with alcohol growing up, realising that being hungover on Sunday morning often led him to miss out on experiences, like going fishing with his dad, that meant a lot to him as a person.

We can hear you saying, “not another one of those (often parodied) chirpy, self-help, motivation articles!” But all jokes aside, we know that drinking eats away at our time and can easily become a substitute for meaningful pursuits. In fact, life dissatisfaction has been found to be associated with adverse alcohol use. The more you drink, the stronger the relationship between the two. So it is unfortunate but understandable that many can feel a reduced sense of purpose after cutting back on alcohol.

To help you through this process, here we suggest a few ways to discover (or rediscover) your purpose.

How to find your purpose

Reflect, reflect reflect.

What brings you joy? What are your values, dreams and aspirations? It’s crucial that you take the time to reflect on this. You could write a journal entry, have a good chinwag with a friend, or maybe set aside time to simply sit and meditate on these core issues. It is important to consider the bigger picture and contemplate the persistent themes and motifs in your life.

Bringing it all together, one of the best hacks we’ve found to reinforce purpose in life is to think about what we wanted to be as children. It doesn’t mean that you should drop everything and become an astronaut, but it gives you a great insight into your driving motivations. By now you may have missed the cut-off for NASA, but you will have a refreshed understanding of your innate drive to explore. Tony Robbins’ fevered motivational speaking really hit the nail on the head back in the 80s. ‘Just stop and think about what is most important’ he says, ‘think about why you are here’.

Focus on your relationships

From first dates to family gatherings, alcohol has long had a role to play in many of our relationships. And that is fine; we are not here to argue that alcohol doesn’t have its place. However, when it begins to overpower the connection you have with another person, the value of alcohol’s so-called ‘social lubrication’ rapidly diminishes.

In 1938 psychologists at Harvard embarked upon a 75-year-long study on happiness and fulfilment. Lo and behold, the key finding: good relationships are important. Our relationships to our friends, partners and families all stand to shape our identities, and make us physically and psychologically healthier while allowing us to live longer and more fulfilling lives. Interestingly, this same study highlighted the detrimental effects alcohol misuse can have on our relationships, and ultimately, on our lives.

But, what is that you say? How to nurture your relationships sans alcohol? We’re glad you asked! Laughter and storytelling, for example, have both been suggested as alternatives to alcohol as tools for feeling at ease while socialising. But ultimately, know that if you’re approaching your relationships honestly, you will in time find that you no longer need the veil of alcohol to cloak your connections.

Get out of your comfort zone.

Part of the difficulty of cutting back on alcohol is that you are fighting your routine both psychologically and physically. So why not find a new routine and rhythm? If you decide to opt out of Friday night drinks or stick to sodas on Saturday, your evenings and mornings are no longer taken up by boozing and its aftermath. You have reclaimed the most precious of all commodities … time.

What is the idea that has long been kicking around in the back of your mind? Writing, learning a language, starting a business or practicing the guitar, maybe? Do something new, revisit something old, but whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly. These things we call hobbies are in no way peripheral to our lives, even though we sometimes see them as such. They are activities that allow us to be joyful and creative; they are crucial human sensibilities, providing a platform on which to experience mastery and create meaning.

Relax

Right, all cards on the table. Some of us take a while to figure out our purpose. All around the world there are people at 30, 60 and even at 90 years of age who are still sort of unsure. But it is okay. Your quest for meaning does not need to be marked by a jaw-dropping epiphany. It can be smaller. Like Andy, it could be realising that family is important to you, that you enjoy writing or that you would like to travel more. Then acting on this realisation.

Stanford researchers have found that two things, passion and action, sit at the helm of purpose.

Building on this, contemporary philosopher Dan Dennett says that in pursuit of purpose, you must ‘find something more important than you are, and dedicate your life to it’. By saying hello to your Sunday morning, you are carving out time for your something. Good luck!

The prospect of going sober to a wedding is daunting. Weddings and booze go hand in hand so often that they should be the ones walking down the aisle.

Despite this (or, more likely, because of this) the achievement is not only possible, but can be life-changing. Data from our app suggests that attending a wedding sober is the single most powerful way to change your relationship with alcohol in the long term.

Going sober to a wedding is no small feat, so here we have considered the burning questions you’re probably asking in anticipation of the big day.

How to go to a wedding sober

What will people say?

Words of encouragement were as rare as a good wedding DJ

One of the most difficult challenges when going sober to a social event is dealing with other people. Weddings are among the trickiest – you may only know a handful of people, and chances are they themselves will be imbibing. When people ask why you are not drinking, remember that it typically comes from someone who themselves associates alcohol with having fun. Most likely they’re just concerned that you’re not enjoying yourself. Plus, you’re actually in a great place to meet new people; just like Lionel Richie’s hit from the 80s, it all starts with hello.

So let your hair down, make a new friend and keep that sense of humour.

What should I drink?

This my dear friends, is a coco twist mocktail

Something we hear a lot from Hello Sunday Morning members is a fear of being caught without a glass in hand during these occasions. The age old question ‘What am I supposed to hold in my hands?’ arises. The answer can be as complicated as a glass of barrel aged cherry soda. Or as simple as soda water, maybe in a wine glass if you’re feeling ritzy. There are even people trying to replicate the taste of alcohol in non-alcoholic beverages – the options these days are endless. So get creative! And remember that at the end of the day you are the only person who cares about what is in your glass.

What if I slip up?

The most important thing to do is plan. By reading this post you’re already well on your way.

What will the day look like for you? What about the day after the wedding? If you’re at one of those ever-popular weekend weddings, take the chance to explore your surroundings. Close to home? Volunteer for breakfast duty. Either way, think up something fun to do the next morning. You might also want to nominate yourself as designated driver, giving you another reason to say no to a brew. There is power in planning.

But, hey, if you do decide to have a drink, try setting a speed limit of one drink an hour and see how you feel.

Weddings are fun!

First wedding worm without a bloody nose!

Most important of all, you are at a celebration! Without alcohol, weddings are still enjoyable places to be. You are surrounded by amazing food, wonderful people and have free rein to dance up a storm.

So shine your shoes, grab some confetti and get ready to take on this challenge!

I’m lying in my bed on a Wednesday morning, my body seems to be paralysed by the day’s work ahead. My eyes wander the ancient white plaster ceiling looking for detail in the marks and cracks it has accumulated over the years.

This morning I am having a conversation between my mind and the conspicuous black stains that populate left hand corner of that ceiling. The subject: purpose. I can’t help but think of two questions – if i was living my ideal life, what would i want to do today? What percentage of me wants to go to work?

It has been almost two years since I started at FRESH, almost a year since Hello Sunday Morning began and what seems to be happening is I feel I’m getting a deeper and deeper understanding as to what my purpose is but.. the details and tangibility of it seems to be putting more distance between it. It’s an uroboris.

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You know how in movies they do that split screen thing where you see two characters playing out their individual lives, blissfully unaware of the other person in the screen next to them. Then as the music reaches a crescendo and the sequence ends, they meet and the two screens merge into one? I like to look at that like life…

I wouldn’t say that I am a religious man, by any stretch of the imagination, but if there is a ‘God’ sometimes I like think that he/she is up there, kicking back in this sweet lounge room set up (obviously in a tailor-made velour tracksuit with ‘GOD’ embroided in gold on the back), watching this massive TV screen made of 5 billion of those tiny little split screens. On each of the tiny screens is the view of just one person’s life – their individual reality. Kind of like the Truman show.

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Continuing on with this series of posts on the drivers behind our binge drinking culture, I want to now explore the psychological driver of ‘purpose’. What does it mean to have purpose? How does a young person lose it? how it is found? and how does a lack of it translate into dysfunctional drinking behaviour.

A person without purpose is like a jellyfish. They sway and migrate with the oceans currents; they have no say in their future and are protected solely by their reliance on the collective. They fit in.

A person with purpose is like a shark. They fear nothing, they take what they need, when they need it and they are completely deliberate in their actions. They make shit happen.

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The first research component to Hello Sunday Morning is now complete! Wooop! Thank you to all those who volunteered their time in this process, the feedback has been incredible.

We have now presented the results of our findings in Canberra last week and in Bundaberg yesterday to very receptive crowds. A big thank you to McDonalds for letting us use your playground area in both cities 😉

As a quick recap, the 12 month Hello Sunday Morning project has got two specific objectives:

1) Identify why young people choose to drink to excess

2) Identify strategies and solutions that will change young people’s perceptions around those choices

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