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The end of an era – the moment I decided to quit drinking alcohol

I decided to try and give alcohol away after landing in Kununurra hospital with alcohol-related pancreatitis. Pancreatitis, by the way, is no party trick! I couldn’t lift my head up without throwing up and I’d thrown everything there was to chunder. After 10 days I sort of walked out of hospital, but I had a distinct wobble towards the left that took quite a bit of exercise and practice to overcome. I had done some brain damage in my enthusiasm for upholding the creed of the north… drink until you drop!

I was so sick it wasn’t hard to give up after getting out of hospital. The drug and alcohol people had come to talk with me while I was taking up a hospital bed so I decided quit drinking alcohol – it was time to do something about my drinking. My drinking problem had progressively grown and shrunk over the years. I used to kid myself that I was a “functioning alcoholic” sometimes. But that viewpoint would morph into outright denial under pressure from friends or ex-lovers. Now after having blood pressure off the charts and feeling the devastation that only serious illness can bring, I was finally ready to change.

I had lingering thought
in the back of my mind;
‘one day when I'm a bit older
I'll be able to drink in moderation.’

I cajoled a mate into co-founding a local branch of AA after reading up on that organisation and resonating with it. We did get the branch up and running but soon my work took me away from town into the bush. That was in 2004 and for 5 years I stayed off the turps. But I always had this lingering thought in the back of my mind that ‘one day when I’m a bit older I’ll be able to drink in moderation.’ This was a dangerous ambition to house, but I just could not bring myself to believe or even to say that I would never drink again.

The sudden impulse

After 5 years of quit drinking alcohol and enjoyment of good health, a clear mind and stable relationships with those around me, the idiocy of that inner belief in ‘time heals all ills’ came back to haunt me. I was in Darwin and went to an Asian restaurant for a curry… it was a beautiful beef curry. In fact, this curry was so good one thought took over my mind… a glass of red wine would make this curry complete.

Surely one glass wouldn’t be a big problem, after all I’d handled not drinking for 5 years without any hiccups. I knew how to control the ‘urge’. So, I ordered a house wine from the waitress and yessss – it was so good and went so well with the curry that I was feeling on top of the world. I only drank that one glass of red that night and I walked back to my motel feeling very happy with myself. All was well… I had faced the dreaded alcohol and had come away on top of the encounter.

The next day I ruminated on this momentous occasion and came to the conclusion that maybe, after 5 long years of quit drinking alcohol, I was ready to ‘drink responsibly’ but I wasn’t tempted to follow up at all. Then later in the day, I was walking past the busy bars on Mitchell Street on my way back to the motel and stared for a while at the crowds of happy, boisterous drinkers. I thought to myself, ‘look at all that mob, I would’ve been right in there once upon a time. But I can’t enjoy life with them because I have this ‘illness’ that stops me from drinking’. This made me feel very alone and very unhappy for a moment. I should have known that thought was my old enemy, my mind is setting me up, but I let it pass.

That glass of red wine
was the beginning of
a 4-year binge of ups, downs
and almighty stuff-ups

Then I remembered my strength in the face of that glass of red wine and I walked back to my room full of strength again. The following day the nagging sadness returned, and I decided I was ready to give 1 or 2 beers a try. I wasn’t really a wine drinker. I was a beer drinker from my teens onwards and this would be the real test. That first time I only had 2 beers but that was enough to make me a bit tiddly after 5 years. Yet, I was still proud of myself that I got up and left the bar before getting drunk.

Back to where I started

Long story short, within 3 months I was drinking as much – if not more than I had been drinking 5 years before. That glass of red wine was the beginning of a 4-year binge of ups, downs and almighty stuff-ups. I won’t bother to go into those 4 years, but my mind found all sorts of rationalisations and ‘reasons’ for my return to the drinking life. Eventually I wound up back in Kununurra hospital on a deja vu visit.

It wasn’t pancreatitis this time it was sheer alcohol abuse. I was 60 kgs (from a normal 75-80 kgs) and so weak I could only walk about 5 meters before I had to sit down on the ground and catch my breath. I was out bush, as before, and I had to fly into town, as before, to get to hospital. A mate met me at the airport and drove me to the emergency door… I took a last swig of my disguised orange juice bottle, laced with Bundaberg Rum as I walked through the door and binned it just inside.

When I reported to the nurse, they were expecting me and straight away I was hurriedly shuffled back into the emergency observation room for the expected withdrawals. The Indian doctor who scored my case noticed I had a couple of books on Buddhism with me and was delighted as a Hindu to have a conversation with me. Hindus are very open-minded and accepting of other creeds. He also informed me that my “liver was going to leave me”. He said the enzyme count that should have been between 30 and 50 was over 4000… the highest he’d ever seen or heard of. He solemnly told me that cirrhosis of the liver was very probable, but we would wait and see.

A second chance

After 5 days in hospital my doctor friend came in excitedly telling me, ‘Mr CB, your liver loves you.’ I was equally excited and asked if the count was back to normal at which he pronounced, ‘no it wasn’t.’ It was 2000 but heading in the right direction. The drug and alcohol worker came to see me. She was very concerned and very compassionate so I decided that this time had come again but I couldn’t do this on my own this time. I needed more tools in my toolbox to handle it this time.

The lovely lady booked me onto the waiting lists for 3 different rehab facilities in Perth. There were heaps of people needing rehab as it turned out, so I would have to wait. I waited 2 months with no answer from any of the 3 facilities. I was in fact writing an email to accept a job offer from a well-meaning acquaintance. He had said to me that I had beaten it for 5 years once before and I should just come back to work and do it again. He and his staff would support me.

This was a very generous offer, and I was totally thankful, but I knew deep down that I really needed those extra tools to beat this ‘thing’. I did not want to go another 5 years just to bust again and have to go through the same old same old all over again. But with no word from any of the rehabs and the job demands coming up I was at the point of accepting the offer. But, thankfully, before I had finished penning the email, I got a phone call from the Salvos Bridge Program people wanting to know if I still wanted a bed in their rehab facility. I immediately jumped at it and within a week I had flown into Kununurra and on to Perth.

Long story short once again, the 4-month program that the Salvation Army advertise turned into 6 of the best spent months I’d spent in 40 years. I was 60 then. I could write a book on that brilliant experience, and I wish I’d done it 20 years before. But I’ll skip the details of that great journey only to say that it gave me not only the tools but allowed me the time to turn a very important corner. I was the oldest patient in the place and just about all the other people there were dependent on ice or heroin or multi-drug sufferers.

If you've tried and fallen off the waggon,
just jump right back on.
It's not a failure,
it's just another step in the process.

A week before I left rehab, I had an epiphany. I literally felt like my brain had moved in my skull and a great weight had disappeared magically off my shoulders. The counsellors had all said that I would know when it was time to leave the facility. And they were right. But I didn’t expect the absolute revelation that came with that knowledge. I knew I didn’t need or want to drink again.

Quit drinking alcohol for good

I ‘knew’ deep down that I didn’t want to touch alcohol again as long as I lived, and I could openly and honestly say it! I’m now 69 and after 8 years of sobriety, going 9 in November, I still can say very loudly I will never drink alcohol again.

If I could say one or two things to anyone who thinks that this battle is just too hard, I’d say if you’ve tried and fallen off the waggon, just jump right back on. It’s not a failure, it’s just another step in the process. Think long term! Never underestimate that niggling mind burst OR that one glass of wine. Or maybe you just need to go through a bit more before you’re ready. I suffered badly with clinical depression along with the alcohol dependency and both conditions disappeared when I got determined and really concentrated on my recovery program and accepted the help that was offered.

If a weak-willed idiot like me can achieve this goal, absolutely anyone can. You won’t do it alone, but you can do it if you get fair dinkum and accept help. Then don’t ever be distracted by other peoples’ problems or programs. Just put your head down and you’re harden up and concentrate on your own program and do it till it works.

You’ll know when you’ve done what you need to do!

Good luck!

Oh, and start to love yourself. Yes, with all your foibles and warts. just love yourself… because your mum loves you, she can’t be wrong.

Just do it, it’ll be the best thing you’ve done in your life. Just do it! A brilliant life full of colours, flavours and freedoms awaits everyone who persists. I can say that ‘for sure’ because I’m there 🤗 🙏 ❤

Why do people turn to alcohol to manage a breakup?

Alcohol is something that people often use to help deal with negative emotions. It can temporarily shift the mind away from uncomfortable feelings such as pain, rejection or disappointment; towards ordinary matters – such as talking to strangers in bars and dancing in nightclubs.

When our relationships aren’t going well, or we are dealing with the fall-out from a break up, we often feel an uneasy combination of fear, sadness, grief, anxiety, anger, frustration and loneliness. None of these are positive emotions, and often they can trigger old memories and feelings from previous painful experiences in our lives.

Ironically, alcohol can be the one thing that stops us from processing the emotional pain of a breakup.

We know that when we drink, our brains are much less efficient at processing memories and emotions, and we can find ourselves stuck in a cycle of feeling down and wanting to avoid this at any cost. It makes sense that we will want to numb some of those feelings and distract ourselves. That dopamine rush which comes with the first drink of alcohol is probably a welcome relief from the emotional chaos that is brewing inside.

However, alcohol is also a depressant that can amplify those original feelings. It can also lower our level of inhibition, meaning that we can do and say things that we later regret, all the while being influenced by these strong, overwhelming emotions.

We think that having a big night out will help us to process all of these feelings of hurt and sadness, but we also know from past experience that these nights out can actually unlock more feelings or prolong negative emotional states.

Alcohol is a depressant
which can amplify those
uncomfortable feelings

Ask yourself:

What might be an alternative that helps you deal with the very normal pain that you are feeling, while at the same time sets you up to move on with your life?

From past experience, what might be the best way to care for your wounded emotions, that doesn’t necessarily involve switching off or numbing yourself?

Below are three ways to process your emotions without the hangover or regret:

1. Support from your circle

One of the reasons we might head out for a night on the town is for the social connection. We know that being in a social environment, talking and interacting with other people that we are comfortable with, can help to shift our mood and feel a sense of connectedness and enjoyment. However, other alternatives might include hosting a games night at home, scheduling a hike with trusted friends or playing sports outdoors with mates. This might create the opportunity to receive unconditional support from your circle.

HSM’s tip: A good night rest will also help you to better prepare to face tomorrow’s challenge. Take it one day at a time.

2. Start processing

Once you have had the opportunity to process what has happened, the next step is to go a bit deeper with your emotions. One thing that alcohol does is to help us avoid fears and emotions. Facing our fear and emotions can be scary and uncomfortable. Unfortunately, in our society, there is often a tendency to consider crying or being sad as a sign of weakness. This goes for both men and women. Quite contrary to common perceptions, tears can be healing. And when you are ready to deal with your emotions, find the right support to help you on your path towards healing. Being in the company of those who love and care for you will serve as a reminder of your sense of worth which can often be hard to keep in mind when processing breakups.

If you feel you can process this in your own time, perhaps schedule in a nice long walk amongst nature and away from your day-to-day scenery or block out a time for yourself and write your experiences down whilst sipping a good cup of tea.

If you do want to work through your feelings, speak to a counsellor or psychologist who can guide you through some techniques to help with this process. Remember that you don’t have to do it alone. There isn’t a ‘set’ timeframe to get over someone – it might look quite different from one person to another, so don’t set a deadline for yourself.

Being in the company of those
who love and care for you will serve as
a reminder of your sense of worth

3. Set goals

One of the things that alcohol does is create a dopamine rush with the first drink that can often provide good feelings and motivation. This hack can trick your brain to give the impression of having a thrill and sense of purpose. But this rush wears off quickly, only to be replaced by those less helpful feelings of tiredness or low motivation.

Setting valued goals would give the same thrill and sense of purpose as we get in order to release the dopamine. This would generate a better long-term benefit than using alcohol. If you find it is a bit too early to start planning goals, it’s worth considering some things that you might like to change or things you’d like to achieve. Combine this with listing one or two things you are thankful for, and you can cultivate a mindset that could be helpful when you are going through a tough time. It can give you encouragement to focus on the big picture, rather than the pain you are in at the present time.

HSM’s tip: If there is a particular day or time that you find difficult, set a new and pleasurable routine around it. This will help you create a new memory while still acknowledging hard times.

When our relationships aren’t going well, or we are dealing with loss, it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed and upset – and we also know that, while alcohol can help to make things a bit easier in that moment, it can also be something that intensifies and prolongs our emotional suffering. Taking a step back from this and considering what needs the alcohol is meeting, can be helpful during times like this.

There’s a significant milestone ahead and you’re in charge of the party planning.

You’ve organised the venue, sorted the guest list, booked the entertainment and now you are turning your attention to catering.

The tricky topic of alcohol raises its head, perhaps complex now as you ‘ve embraced an alcohol-free lifestyle.

Organising an event doesn’t mean you have to submit to social norms and serve drinks on tap. This is an opportunity for you to host others without the booze and show them they have nothing to lose either.

Besides supporting your own sobriety journey, there are several benefits of running alcohol free events for other as well:

Alcohol free events are easier to manage and control – with less chance of things going wrong
It reduces the risks that your guests may have with accidents on the way home or levels of aggression at the event
You won’t feel conflicted by working out who is over 18 and ca be legally given alcohol
You’ve created an event where the buzz is all natural

Everyone can focus on the event, not dodging drunks or how much alcohol they can consume
You remove or minimise the pressure for those who also don’t want to drink

The national event management and ticketing website Eventbrite recognises it is a conundrum for event hosts too. They shared some unique approaches to running events without alcohol, or how to best cater for non-drinkers

Hello Sunday Morning sought advice from several event organisers for hosting events without a focus on alcohol. Here’s a quick summary or their creative ideas that are sure to inspires:

Make your message clear that it’s an alcohol-free event

Most people are supportive about this decision and willing to give it a go. Clear communication is a good policy to keep, so make sure your guests are aware what to expect.

Dress your venue and create a striking sense of arrival

You don’t need alcohol to impress guests, with a great vibe and décor you can create an event to remember. Create an ambience with thematic lightings (glow sticks, fairy lights, candles, LED or outdoor bonfire – see more ideas here), great tunes and sensational DIY party decorations.

Impressive Alcohol-free drinks and spectacular food

Pile on great food and fun non-alcoholic mocktails or alcohol-free beverages. Fancy cups and fun mocktail garnishes can make a stark difference in presentations. Try some of our alcohol-free drinks ideas:

AF (Alcohol Free) drink recipes from our followers,

Four AF drinks for you to try this Christmas

Plan for an epic event with entertainment and activities

It can be confronting for people to socialise without alcohol, especially if they are not used to a dry event. When you remove alcohol from what was known as the ‘norm’ for parties, you may need to think of a way to replace this. People often find having a wine glass in hand will help them to feel less awkward while mingling. So, getting their hands busy and less fidgety will help them distract from the anxiety on social situations. Try setting up a DIY section such as making your own party hat or wreath, Lei (Hawaiian flower garland), something to can be worn straight away and used as an icebreaker. Or create a pampering corner – hire a manicure/pedicure, massage therapist or air-brush tattoo artist.

Strategically create a great dynamic from your guest list

It can be stressful to host a party and worrying about your party dynamics. View your guest-list and strategically create a way for like-minded people to get to know each other.

Have your reality radar on

Some people may ask where the alcohol is – be prepared to explain your rationale to reaffirm your expectations.

Laughter is a good medicine

Keep it light-hearted and cheerful. You don’t need alcohol to have a good laugh. Have fun games ready to break the ice and to create bonding.

Finally, have fun!

Your event does not have to be big. Keep it low key and intimate. It’s easy to get caught up with preparation – so, be sure you are having a great time too!

It doesn’t matter where you live – in the city, suburbs or the bush – there’s always great ideas to adapt and host alcohol free events.

Sober socialising in the country

We checked in with the National Centre for Farmer Health, who focus on making a difference to farmer’s lives.

They take key observation and learnings from rural communities and share them with others for community engagement in areas where farming population are high.

Their recent alcohol-free events blog features top ideas and insights for how to have fun without alcohol in rural areas

Finding your people and places they hang

And, that’s not all that caught our eye. The SBS broadcast service shared terrific examples of social ideas for those in the Australian LGBTIQ+ community.

Admittedly these aren’t all hosted events and parties, but they are terrific summaries of how to socialise without alcohol, bringing other’s along with you too.

When alcohol is removed from our life, suddenly there are new venues to discover where we can easily suggest meeting up or to visit together.

Check out these alternatives venues and non-alcohol events serving super alternatives

Greytown Truckshop – Greytown, New Zealand Greytown Truckstop

Buddhabar Experience – Sydney, Byron and Melbourne

Sydney Ecstatic Dance – The Rocks, Sydney

Brunswick Ace bar – Melbourne

Or how about this for an event with a twist?

Mix things up and host your own event where you’re serving up memories, instead of the next round of drinks.

Check this Eventbrite’s suggestions.

If you are looking to complement your alcohol-free event with alternative beverages, read on.

We’d love to hear from you if you’ve hosted a special event without alcohol. Your story to inspire others. Get in touch today!

Image © FiledIMAGE – stock.adobe.com

It’s complicated – that’s how many Australian’s describe their relationship between alcohol and sporting events. But others believe it’s time to call last drinks on the excessive supply and selling of alcohol to spectators and patrons, empowering them to say ‘no thanks’ with support.

Increasing public interest has focused on problematic alcohol consumption, binge drinking and the link with aggression at large scale public social such as sporting events.

VicHealth are amongst many organisations who have supported research to assess the concerns and impacts

‘Consuming alcohol in Australia is enmeshed with celebration and cultural traditions. There are certain expectations on how people should behave in certain social settings (particularly for young people), and this can involve the expectation of consuming a certain amount of alcohol.’

And it’s not just the events serving alcohol that raise eyebrows. It’s also the heroes we come to see, and how they respond.

Experts agree that the problems also arise when the spotlight shines on athletes involved in alcohol-related incidents. Our newspapers frequently report on police investigations and court proceedings for alcohol fuelled altercations amongst sport stars.

Research indicates that drinking is unquestionably harmful to athletes themselves.

Sports Dietitian at the Orthopedic Specialty Hospital (TOSH) in Murray, Utah, Claire Siekaniec collected research and studies on the effect of alcohol consumption, prior and after sports ‘Although alcohol may have been viewed as an ergogenic aid in the past (likely for psychological reasons), the scientific evidence shows that alcohol hinders athletic performance, and ingestion prior to training or competition should be avoided’

Siekaniec observed that the effects of alcohol on athletes varies on consumption level, physical nature of the athletes and other relevant demographic variables, but consumption of alcohol for athletes must be avoided.

‘The cumulative effects of binge drinking episodes may leave an athlete unable to perform at the expected or desired level.’

However, it’s not always sporting alcohol altercations that capture national interest.

At the 2022 Australian Tennis Open, recently retired professional tennis player crowned Grand Slam Tennis champion, Ash Barty was handed a beer in a post match interview after being crowned Grand Slam Tennis Champion and public debate erupted.

The tennis champion took one sip of beer during the celebratory interview before placing it down on a desk. The Alcohol and Beverages Advertising Code (ABAC) dismissed complaints, responding that Ash Barty ‘was clearly a moderate and responsible consumer of alcohol,’

However, Barty’s post-match sip of beer drew criticism from many on social media and broadcast talk-back who worried that the offering of alcohol perpetuates its necessity at major events.

Channel 9 television host James Mathison was one of many to called out his very own Network for its ‘glamorisation’ of alcohol after the Australian Open televised incident.

The former Australian Idol presenter James Mathison had a problem with the act and described Australia’s relationship with alcohol as ‘bizarre’.

‘Our glorification and glamorisation of alcohol in this country is normalised to the point where we can’t even celebrate success without booze on live TV’, he shared in a tweet that gained much agreement

Our embedded drinking culture

An international study found that Australian’s have been names some of the heaviest drinker’s in the world

Joyful Sober Youtuber Allison Lassick agrees, saying that ‘The Australian drinking culture is so embedded that people might not even realise the risks.’

She recently interviewed Hello Sunday Morning’s CEO Andy Moore who said that ‘the peer pressure of alcohol consumption combined with coming up against a billion dollar industry whose business model is based on customers means there’s a real conflict in how we manage alcohol as a community’

Does alcohol belong in our sporting events?

There’s no denying that alcohol has long been a form of coping, commiserating or celebrating in our culture. Especially at big gatherings and in sporting moments in history.

One of the more famous scenes in our popular culture is of then Prime Minister Bob Hawke after Australia won the America’s Cup in 1982. His colourful quote ‘Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up today is a bum’ was delivered amid champagne-soaked celebrations in a cheering crowd.

But, as we grow and mature as event managers and broadcasters of events, our management of alcohol and its presence is becoming increasingly reassessed and part of an emergent sober celebration culture.

An uneasy conversation brings a shift

A quick Google will highlight the numerous articles on this conversation, and media opinions in the aftermath of the Ash Barty beer handover.

But this is a good sign. Australian’s are paying attention and willing to enter into discussion. That’s much better than the issue not being challenged, or mentioned at all.

Society feels more confident in adding an informed voice to questioning the status quo and transforming our drinking culture.

Interested in reading more? You may find these articles of interest:

https://www.vichealth.vic.gov.au/-/media/FundingOpportunities/Alcohol-Cultures/Rural-and-regional.pdf?la=en&hash=53A78AD6AA6B91EF4407A741DC579D7A6ABCE014

Further reports to shed more light on youth drinking https://fare.org.au/driven-to-drink-australian-first-study-sheds-more-light-on-factors-influencing-youth-drinking/

We’d love to continue this conversation – share your thoughts in our blog comments below.

We’d like to share a story from one of our own.

Many in our Hello Sunday Morning community have been drawn to the personalised and non-judgemental care of the Daybreak app. Within the Daybreak app, members can access a Care Navigation Service. Our Care Navigators chat with you about where you are getting stuck in changing your relationship with alcohol and can recommend information and services to help you get back on track.

Some of our Care Navigator team also have their own stories with alcohol.

We sat down with Alex recently to talk about her own personal journey with alcohol and sobriety.

Care Navigator Alex provides support to members in an online community, bringing her own lived experience with alcohol dependency. She understands the importance of offering practical and emotional support when you are making big changes in your life.

Alex, can you share with us about your own experiences with alcohol and they have changed over time?

I was a regular drinker, going out and having a good time. For years I was proud of being that big drinker in social settings, and in hindsight I didn’t realise that I suffered from anxiety and drinking was actually helping me feel more outgoing.

I didn’t think I had a problem with alcohol, but everything snuck up on me as my life unfolded.

I became a mum and I immigrated from England across the world to Australia, leaving my family behind. I felt a great sense of isolation without a social group around me and I was experiencing marriage challenges as well. Alcohol became a form of self-medication for me, but I wasn’t aware of this at the time.

So, drinking became my way of numbing emotional pain – it was just for me. A friend. But it turned out that alcohol was keeping me isolated. It wanted me to be on my own, so it was no friend to me.

In the early days I really didn’t feel like my drinking was affecting anyone else, but I know that I wasn’t present for my relationships.

I’d look forward to having a glass or two in the evening, but then that became a whole bottle. I would wake in the night with massive anxiety and the shakes. Then the day would start, and I told myself that having a drink would stop the shakes. It became a cycle that I was stuck in.

'It turned out that
alcohol was keeping me isolated.
It wanted me to be on my own,
so it was no friend to me.

At what point did your feel the time felt right to make changes?

I gradually realised I had become a high functioning person with a dependence on alcohol, but I really wanted to control my drinking urges. I tried to tell friends ‘I think I have a problem,’ but they didn’t really know how low I was getting behind the scenes.

I was also struggling with my marriage, but I didn’t know if that was because of the drinking, or if drinking was a consequence of our struggles. I needed to have a clear head to address my challenges and sort myself out.

I desperately wanted to reign it all in, but I couldn’t. I felt so confused. I knew I was intelligent and that I was a good mum and cared about my daughter, that I was a professional and seemingly in control. I knew deep down that it was becoming a problem when I was hiding my drinking.

I remember talking to myself in the mirror and saying, ‘Tomorrow will be different’ and waking up and tomorrow wasn’t different, I was stuck in a negative cycle of drinking to try to change the way I was feeling.

Where did you reach out for support?

When I eventually decided it was time for a change, I didn’t know where to go or who could help me. I really did feel ashamed. It was like having this horrible secret. I was scared to tell my GP or formalise it because when I tell someone then I’ll have to do something about it. That was just as confronting.”

I didn’t have as many options to do things anonymously, but the good part of what worked for me was my access to supportive people who had gone through the same thing. They felt relatable and I began to understand more about how drinking was a coping mechanism. I also was able to see that if they could do it, so could I. I could bring about change for myself.

'I remember talking to myself
in the mirror and saying,

'Tomorrow will be different'

and waking up
and tomorrow wasn't different.'

I felt inhibited because I wanted to do this anonymously, and while I did try Alcoholics Anonymous and eventually found programs that worked for me, I really wish Daybreak had have been around for me at the time. I would have adored the ability to text to someone on a phone, anonymously, when the time was right for me.

What did work was I got support from people who were happy without alcohol and had created a beautiful life. They were so motivating.

How long have you been alcohol free?

I’ve worked so hard and am proud of myself for staying sober for 20 years now. For me the answer isn’t moderation, the best pathway for me is to abstain from any drinking.

Can you tell us about the Alex then, and the Alex now?

I am so much happier and at peace.

When I went back to the UK for a visit, I made the conscious decision to go out and have fun, dance and enjoy myself with old mates while treating myself to nice alcohol-free drinks.

The great thing was that I could remember it the next day – all the conversations and the fun on the dance floor. It wasn’t a ‘fake feeling great’, it was a ‘genuine feeling great’ – it was a testament to my new way of life.

I still have strategies for myself like how to deal with the expectations of drinking on special occasions and now I use that to help other’s work through their own anxiety leading up to events where there might be peer pressure.

How have you managed to maintain your healthier habits without alcohol?

I love to read. It’s not something you can really do when you’re drunk! I love quiet times reading but I also love bike riding and yoga too. I’m reliable for other people and to myself with other people and I have so much peace. Drinking alcohol never gave me that, it took much of it all away.

How did you first encounter Hello Sunday Morning? And what was your reaction?

I was an AOD (alcohol and other drugs) mental health support worker and counsellor, and I was working in a private addiction hospital. I came across Hello Sunday Morning by accident and was just blown away by the focussed and anonymous support it offered through the Daybreak app. That people like me could have a pseudo-name and access to professional or peer support anonymously was incredible.

It’s like having the most personal form of support in your pocket, at the times when you need it most.

A lot of people struggle to afford the time and the money to go to a clinic, or detox facility. Most people can’t take that time out, are overwhelmed by the logistics, or worry it might expose them which can create other anxieties and impacts. Being able to ‘go under the radar’ in addressing their alcohol dependency issues with the Daybreak app makes it such an ideal resource.

I was so impressed by this personal and accessible support offering.

I wrote to Hello Sunday Morning and told them I wanted to work with them. I was very fortunate that I was able to come through the recruitment system with my experience and am proud to work with Hello Sunday Morning.

This is the end of the first part of Alex’s interview. In the second part, Alex will be sharing her insights as a care navigator for Hello Sunday Morning’s Daybreak community, as well as some tips on an alcohol-free lifestyle.

Stay tuned!

As I wrote this, I am 389 alcohol-free (second time round), I did 402 days AF in 2018 then decided I could moderate.

How wrong was I…? lol

My love of alcohol started very young, I had my first big drinking session at 13 years old and blacked out first time, you would think that would have turned me off, and I so wish this was the case. But alas no, I would become one hell of a wild party girl who despite having children very young (pregnancies and young children were the only time I did not drink) I would always be known as the life of the party.

I was able to balance family life and career, but geez… I could party, I would black out regularly not even knowing how I got home or what I did.

When I think back, I am amazed that I am still here, I put myself in the most dangerous situations on so many occasions.

My 20s and 30s revolved around parenting, career, and drinking. When I separated, I had every second weekend free where I kept my party lifestyle going strong. Days off work due to hangovers were the norm as was blacking out and having major anxiety due to embarrassing myself. This is how I functioned for many, many years.

Fast forward to 2017, I was in my late forties, I had 2 grown up children, 4 beautiful grandchildren and my teenage daughter from my second marriage. I was managing a childcare centre and living life telling myself my drinking was normal and that I did not have a problem.

My son, who was 25 at the time, along with his family, were living with me and my teenage daughter in a regional town in QLD. One day, I had been at the rugby union with a friend where the alcohol was free, I got dropped off home very merry and joined my son in some more drinks. I do not remember much after this until I heard sirens behind us, that’s when I became present again. It was late, and my son was driving, he only had a learner licence at the time, we stopped, got out and both blew high range. We were placed in separate police cars (due to our toxification levels, we were both carrying on like idiots) and taken to the local watch house where we were placed in separate cells for the night.

When we were woken up by the police in the morning, they reminded us of our arrest details, and we were given our court dates. I was then suspended from driving, effective immediately. No surprise there after a reading of nearly legally dead… The shame, humiliation, let alone the hangover from hell. We were both put into the back of the paddy wagon and were driven home to our distressed family. My teenage daughter was disgusted with me and immediately went to a friend’s place for a few days. I went to bed where I stayed for the next 24 hours, never wanting to get up.

My shame and remorse are still with me to this day,
but I am slowly forgiving myself.

I lost my licence for 14 months and was fined $2000. I was spared a conviction as this was the first time I had been in any kind of trouble – a conviction would have lost me my job. I was grateful to the judge for this.

I could not talk about it without crying for nearly a year. My shame and remorse are still with me to this day, but I am slowly forgiving myself.

The week after the arrest, I attended an AA meeting where there were only three of us. They were studying the Big Book, and this was not for me. I would start my days, for the next 10 months, telling myself that I will not drink tonight but would end up heading (walking) to the bottle shop on my way home. The mind games were ongoing and exhausting.

I came across Sexy Sobriety on Facebook and asked my sister to buy me the book titled A Happier Hour by Rebecca Weller for my birthday. This book changed my life, it was like reading my own story. This book gave me the resources to set a date and finally commit to having a break from the drink, my plan was to stop for 3 months.

I downloaded the app, Daybreak which has been one of my most used tools in my alcohol free (AF) journey. I read heaps of books and after getting to three months I decided to keep going. My health improved dramatically (I think all the walking also helped) to the point where I did not need medication for high blood pressure anymore. I felt amazing, I changed my career, my daughter forgave me, and life was pretty good.

I was so in the mindset of: ‘I will never drink again’ then BOOM!. After 400 days, out of nowhere, my mind changed to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely – after this long moderate, not lose the plot’. I did moderate for a few months but then I was slowly ending up blacking out and having benders again. The difference this time was that the hangovers were so much worse than last time. I was getting extremely intoxicated on a minimal amount of alcohol, my body was rejecting the poison big time.

My mindset changed from:
‘I will never drink again
to: ‘I am going to drink again, and I can surely –
after this long moderate, not lose the plot’.
How wrong was I?

I knew that I needed to stop. I had one attempt, where I stopped for 21 days but it did not stick, it was so hard to start at day 1 again.

Last year I set my start date as the 1st of February but because of being so hungover on the 31st of January, that became my day 1. I got back on Daybreak and started doing the work to change my mindset again.

I love living life AF, I have my health back again and I know today that I will not drink. I am sharing part of my story to help my healing as well as to let others know it is possible to change your relationship with alcohol.

Love to all,

Shell xx

Helping family & friends

General tips if you are concerned about someone's drinking

This kind of talk takes courage.

It might be difficult for you to express how you’re feeling or your concerns when you’re starting the conversation. Before you start it’s helpful to pick your moment and the location.

Our Hello Sunday Morning health coaches advise that it’s important to offer a non-judgemental listening ear to enable them to talk about their experiences, how they’re feeling and if they feel ready for change. This kind of talk is best when they feel calm, safe and are not under the influence of alcohol.

Leonie’s desire to change her relationship with alcohol became stronger when she connected with a friend who provided her with a safe and respectful space to talk through her experiences.

‘She held that space for me and gave me the chance to tell my story. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her.’

Listening, and helping your friend or family member to recognise risky habits in their relationship with alcohol can help loved ones make powerful progress. But it often starts with reaching out and talking first.

Before you have the talk:

Prepare for the chat. Educate yourself – arm yourself with facts about possible risks and triggers. Knowing key alcohol facts and the short-term and long-term risks might be useful in presenting your concerns. Review and reflect on any observations or experiences you have encountered. Evaluate your own behaviours and attitudes about alcohol. Be aware of the Stages In Change which might help you to understand where they are at, and assist in setting expectations about the talk.
Check-in on their circumstance. Assess and understand their situation. There are many reasons why a person may have started to drink excessively, such as dealing with sadness, stress or mental illness impacts.
Make it a safe and open talk about alcohol. Make it a non-judgemental conversation and ask open-ended questions. Think about your body language and tone of voice. Even if you do not understand your friend’s point of view, or reasons for drinking, try to be understanding. Take emotion out of your conversation and avoid being confrontational. Be ready to listen and be prepared to be patient.
Discuss perceptions of alcohol. Encourage your friend or family member to talk about their thoughts on alcohol and help them to process their own relationship with alcohol.
Refer to professional help. It’s important that while we love and care for them, we aren’t necessarily equipped to help them.
Ask how you can support your friend / family member’s alcohol consumption. Offer to be a trusted person they can check-in or socialise with while they make changes.

There’s no right way to start the conversation, but make sure you listen to your friend, be thoughtful and genuine. These talking tips may help:

‘I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling tired lately, are you OK?’

‘I know you’ve gone through a difficult time lately; I just want to see how you are holding up and if you have ways to cope?’

‘I want to talk about something that’s been worrying me recently, is there a good time we can chat?’

It takes strength to have these conversations, but there are many positive flow-on effects and you may build a stronger relationship with someone special.

Calling on professional support

Our Hello Sunday Morning health coaches remind us that abstaining or moderating takes commitment and support from professionals, as well as loved ones.

You may remember Sarah’s story. Sarah wanted to quit drinking to rebuild a relationship with herself. As well as seeking support from friends, she turned to the Daybreak app to share with others facing similar challenges.

If you’re looking for focussed help to chat with someone about their risky relationship with alcohol, you may find the following support helpful:

Health Direct

Family Drug Support Australia

Small changes start with conversations that show you care.

Many people are initially not interested in changing the way they drink. It takes time, adjustment, and support.

Written by Zane Pocock

If you’ve decided to forgo alcohol, maintaining a healthy social life is one of the most difficult aspects that many of us are familiar with. This is a complex enough challenge when we stay in the same place; maintaining friendships that have been partially built on drinking, getting through the Christmas season and getting to know yourself again are just the start of the hurdles we face.

But removing yourself completely only makes this change even harder, even if it might initially seem easier to start over. Whether by choice or for work, family or any other reason, sometimes we find ourselves leaving our old lives behind not only behaviourally, but geographically as well. It’s no small undertaking and it can be even more difficult when we’ve already removed a crutch we previously relied on.

I have now moved to an entirely different country twice since I decided to stop drinking. The first time was so difficult that I reflect on those three years with a feeling that I partially wasted a chunk of my mid-20s.

The main realisation is obvious in hindsight but difficult to confront when life is already busy: not all enjoyment, socialising and purpose can come from work and family. No matter where we find ourselves, it’s imperative to build a community. In my case, the easiest way to do this in a new environment would have been to hit the piss and connect with others over painting the town red. Hell, I’m comfortable admitting that I did that the first time I moved and I still have lifelong friends from that time.

But habits change and now I don’t drink. I’m still comfortable and happy about this decision, but it has made life difficult when moving around the world. So what do you do?

Here are some tips I’ve discovered for moving to a new place as a non-drinker. They can probably be applied to all situations, but moving geographically is a particularly difficult challenge to navigate. The key is to follow through on these intentions.

Build your comfort zone

This post is all about getting into social environments and building your sense of community without the help of alcohol. Although it might seem counterintuitive, one of the best things I’ve done is put a lot of effort into making myself feel at home.

For the three years that we were living in Sydney, my wife and I never set up our own place. We moved into a fully furnished apartment because we liked the harbour view, and that was that. But it never once felt like home – it always felt like we were living in someone else’s life, in transit to whatever our ‘permanent’ home was going to be.

This was a mistake. No matter how important it is to get outside and meet people in your new community, it’s equally important to have a home that you feel comfortable in; somewhere that offers respite from a loud, busy world and can function as a home base for all the battles and challenges you’re going to face.

So, what makes a place feel like home for you? For us it meant we needed to buy our own furniture, invest in some resilient house plants, and front up for the wall-repair costs to install some art that we actually wanted to live with. I had forgotten the feeling of walking in the door and feeling the stress drop off as my nest was revealed before me. It’s helped me acclimatise and jump into unknown situations with the knowledge that there’s a comfortable respite waiting to greet me later in the evening.

Join a Meetup group

What are you passionate about? A great hack I’ve found for easing into social situations without the help of a drink, has been to connect with others that are interested in similar things to me. It means the conversation flows relatively seamlessly – in many cases, so effectively that I found it easier than with alcohol.

Meetup is a powerful online tool for this, with in-person gatherings organised by crowds of like-minded people in various group sizes and locations. I was astonished by how many groups I could join when I signed up for the service and I’ve made healthy use of it. I try to get to something every week and my community thus far has essentially grown from this central hub.

There are other options, most of which are facilitated through other virtual or online communities – it all depends on what social channel your people tend to concentrate on. Local Facebook groups will often be very specific and bond over a sense of where you’ve come from. In my case, for example, a group of New Zealanders in New York has been a supportive, thriving community. Or an app like Shapr facilitates one-on-one meetings. This has been great for professional and personal connections alike, in a context that allows for deeper personal relationships to be built.

Join a sports club

This is similar to interest-aligned socialising such as joining Meetups or book clubs, except sport is a particularly helpful exercise (sorry) thanks to the endorphins – locking those good feelings into a connection with the people you’re with and forming incredibly deep, meaningful social bonds. The key thing to realise here is that you don’t have to be any good.

It’s also a great way to get to know a different culture. For me, baseball was a foreign concept, but through engaging with a local club I now feel like a piece of the American puzzle has been filled in for me – while also being a lot of fun.

Show up

When I’m at home before an event, the sun has set and I’m a little tired from the day, I’ve always found it the obvious choice to just stay home. Social environments exhaust me; even more so now that I don’t have a prop to launch me into everyone else’s superhuman social level.

But from my recent experience, Woody Allen seems to be right when he says, “Showing up is 80% of life.” When I moved earlier this year, it didn’t take long to fall into the familiar trap of signing up for things then using every available excuse not to go. I was tired, it was too hot, the commute too long, I had very important work to do … You know them all.

But in the past couple of months I adopted a policy that I had to go to everything I signed up for. This had some great benefits. It forced me to filter the signal from the noise on all the great groups I’d signed up to, through Meetup and the like. For most of us, we’re never going to go out for something every single evening. That is objectively exhausting and it requires being picky about what you sign up for. It means I’ve actually gone to things and now that I’ve met people, not only do they expect to see me again, but I also feel familiar with the environment and more comfortable heading out. It’s a self-reinforcing social cycle.

Keep in touch back home

Life gets busy, and if there’s one thing I know painfully well it’s that international social connections take a lot of effort to maintain, even with the global communications infrastructure we now have at our fingertips. Heck, sometimes it feels difficult enough if people are just in another neighbourhood.

Thing is, when you’re not seeing your friends, family and colleagues as often as you used to, it’s easy for this to escalate into full-blown social isolation – even if you’re doing everything else to establish a new community, perfectly. Home is where the heart is, and no matter how well you set yourself up, you’re likely going to miss everyone you’ve left behind.

Some people I know are really good at managing this, but if you’re not one of them then the solution, unfortunately, is good scheduling. Particularly if you’re managing different time zones, it’s helpful to have a regular recurring catch-up with the people you miss the most – it reduces the cognitive load for everyone involved and the game theory means everyone will give a second thought to cancelling at the last minute – what if you’ve arisen early or passed up another opportunity? Take your pick of medium for this – there are so many services from Skype to Facetime that there’s no point listing any preferred ones.

Challenge yourself to start conversations

In case you can’t tell by now, I’m a ‘textbook’ introvert. Socialising doesn’t come naturally to me and it takes a lot of energy to feel confident without liquid courage.

Are you curious about the place you find yourself in? That curiosity alone is probably enough to fuel an avalanche of questions for any locals you meet. That’s been the case for me. We all know this can be easy if you go down to the local bar, but if that’s difficult to manage then you can try some other tricks. One of my favourites is to skip the supermarket and instead go to the local butcher, baker, farmers’ market and the like. These environments are socially similar to bars as they often become local community hubs and you’ll find the people behind the counter will have sunk deep roots into the local goings-on and way of life.

I also try to make a habit of striking up conversations with taxi- and Uber drivers, people I’m stuck in a queue with, and in any other situation that seems ripe for a chat – with varying success. Pro tip: New Yorkers don’t like talking on the Subway.

Practice self-care

No matter how many times people stress the importance of looking after yourself, it’s always worth being reminded of it and I’m sure many of us have yoga, meditation and exercise goals on our New Year’s resolution lists.

But the amount of noise generated in the name of self-care doesn’t undermine its value. A good diet, for example, is going to substantially change how your mood evolves in the course of a day and have a material impact on how you interact with others while you’re building your community.

Proper self-care brings the disparate pieces of the puzzle together. It means you have routines to get in to the day and unwind at the end of it. Exercise helps you think straight, and consistent sleep cycles help you reinforce things you’ve learned and build good mental models for your new environment. Look after yourself and the rest will follow.

Consider getting a pet

This one might be a bit difficult to manage so it’s certainly an optional suggestion. With that caveat aside, getting a dog is one of the best things I’ve ever done for my sense of community.

Within a few months of our most recent move, my wife and I had adopted a puppy. It’s a blessing in disguise because we’re constantly being forced outside for her toilet breaks, only to meet half the residents in our neighbourhood. Even ‘back home’ I have never felt so connected to a community as I do right now. After all, dogs will be dogs, and when they get together to do their doggy things the only option owners are left with is to get to know each other.

If a pet isn’t appropriate for your situation, just talk to your neighbours! I feel like I’m tapped into this thriving hyper-local network which isn’t exclusive to dog owners – it just helps to have the excuse. Now, when we have 20 police officers gathering in the apartment building hallway (true story) there are enough of us connected to systematically work out what’s happening, despite their tight-lipped approach. It’s deeply rewarding – and even a good safety precaution – to know the people you live amongst.

This list is not exhaustive, but it accurately presents the steps I’ve taken to build a community in a new environment as a non-drinker. What was a daunting task when I first moved, is now an opportunity to slowly construct exactly the life I want to live and the community I want to be surrounded by. If you find yourself in a similar situation, see it for the promise it holds and invest heavily in building your new social life. It makes life fun again. What have you found that works for building your community?

June 17, 2018. The day that would change my life forever.

I started drinking at the young age of 14, and I fell in love with being drunk. It made life fun and entertaining, and turned me into a more sociable and likeable person. It helped ease my nerves in a social environment and made me not care what others thought about me. To be frank, it made me not care at all.

I liked the feeling of security and invincibility when I was intoxicated. It wasn’t until after years of drinking and getting older that I learned my lessons the hard way. I started experiencing the negative impact alcohol had on me but it still didn’t stop me. I was blind to it. I was too stubborn and delusional to admit I had a lost control with my drinking.

My drinking turned me into someone I hated

I would say and do things to family members and people I loved that I would regret years later. I would say and do whatever I wanted without thinking about the short- or long-term consequences.

Alcohol let me live in a distorted world where anything goes. I thought I was on top of the world and in control of everything, only to have the world fall apart and crush me underneath. After a failed relationship, I was no longer drinking for the same reasons I did when I was younger. It was no longer for pleasure, enjoyment or social gatherings; I was drinking to kill or at least ease pain, loneliness, self-pity, blame, anger, hatred, shame, guilt and depression. It was the end of the world. I was in a black hole. I felt like there was nothing left for me. I was literally trying to drink myself to death.

I couldn’t function normally without alcohol in my system

The only way to stop the sweating and shaking at night was to wake up and have a drink. I thought I could never break this vicious cycle, so I lost hope and accepted my defeat.

At this point, the few people who still loved and cared about me saw a version of me that nobody had seen before; a version of me that I never thought I could be. They knew I was battling demons stronger than I had thought possible. I didn’t want anyone’s sympathy or pity because the hard truth was I had put myself in the position I was in. I didn’t want to admit it, accept it or even face it.

I told myself that death had to be better than whatever this thing called life was, and by this stager my family had seen and heard enough. My parents mentioned the idea of sending me into a detox and rehab center for my drinking. I still can’t say how or why it happened but one day I could see how much my self-destructive drinking was hurting my family. Parents were watching a son, and brothers were watching a brother inch closer to his funeral.

I finally decided, after spending half of my life in denial, that I had a problem with my drinking and it was time to get help

So low was my self-regard that I feel that the decision to go into detox and rehab was done more for the sake of my family that for myself. Ironically, it was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t being selfish. I wanted to die but my family wanted me to live. It took a lot of courage and willpower for me to finally admit that I had a problem, and that it was time for change.

That decision started me on the road to controlling my life again. It gave me a higher sense of personal responsibility and ownership. I agreed to enter a detox and rehab center on June 17, 2018. The idea of entering a detox and rehab centre was terrifying at first. I asked myself, “how did I ever get to this point?” I told myself, “I’m nothing like these other people here, I don’t belong in a place like this.” But I realised on the very first day just how wrong I was.

We all shared an obvious weakness in common. However, we were also defiant, courageous and strong enough to admit we needed help. People like us come from all ages, backgrounds and walks of life, and if you saw us on the street you would not know that we had lost control of our drinking habits.

I came to understand how my choices and behaviours had affected people who’d had the misfortune of crossing paths with the old me. I acknowledged and accepted the chaos and destruction I’d inflicted on others – I had no choice but to. I was finally able to forgive myself for what I had done in the hope that, one day, those that I have harmed can forgive me, even though I may not deserve it.

The new, sober me has learned to love myself and others again

The new, sober me is the strongest version of me I’ve ever known. It was the longest, darkest and hardest battle I had ever fought. Accepting that I needed help allowed me to take back control of my life. It made me feel I was human again, and not an abomination to society. My only regret is not going through treatment sooner…but I also learned it’s never too late to seek help.

Written by Hello Sunday Morning supporter, Kevin Repass